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New Testament?

Started by hooplala, April 23, 2009, 04:42:35 PM

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Payne

Dunno. We could find some way to tie it to the original PD though, as in some ways the New Testament is linked to the Old through the Book of Daniel.

Not so much of a big deal would be made of it, but some kind of continuation would make sense if only to emphasise that this work would be in effect a New Covenant like in the bible.

ETA: I was thinking something like Yamamoto, or whoever that dude with the nose was. Or Starbuck. Or some other PD reference.

hooplala

That's a great idea.

I will comb the PD this weekend for names that would be appropriate.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

Golden Applesauce

Quote from: Ratatosk on April 23, 2009, 07:19:10 PM
Quote from: Dr Hoopla on April 23, 2009, 07:04:49 PM
Shit, I can't believe I didn't think of him...  :oops:

LAWL, I thought you had intentionally skipped him since he's so familiar!!  :lulz:

However, I like the idea of an inspired work of what happened to him during his 'exile'... perhaps a trip to the wilderness? A trek into Limbo? being taken up in Eris' chariot to see all the bullshit that rains down upon mankind?

Quote from: Dr Hoopla on April 24, 2009, 07:14:21 PM
And maybe spent time in a nuthouse?

I like the idea of multiple stories set in the same time of the characters life, while he was away from whatever the main story is supposed to be.  All contradictory, of course.

With regards to time and setting, I would say leave it as ambiguous as possible.  Anybody ever read those science fiction short stories where the entire stories is as plain as possible, and then you realize that the characters are all aliens - which is never mentioned explicitly because of course the characters are aliens, yes they have eight limbs, but why would you mention that they have eight limbs?  Do you mention that humans have four limbs in your stories about humans? etc.

You could refer to things as happening during the reign of King George, and in one story mention offhand that it's the reign of King George Bush or King George IV or something, etc.  Or have a scholarly article tacked on at the end trying to figure out which George it was, and arguing a crazy position based on Southern American English being mistranslated because the translators assumed it was the US State Georgia rather than East Europe Georgia.  Or something.

I'm probably good for a Letter over this summer.

Running with the idea of Apocrypha - wouldn't be to hard to whip up something Rev. Uncle BadTouch ish and put it in as something that didn't make the cut.
Q: How regularly do you hire 8th graders?
A: We have hired a number of FORMER 8th graders.

the last yatto

Look, asshole:  Your 'incomprehensible' act, your word-salad, your pinealism...It BORES ME.  I've been incomprehensible for so long, I TEACH IT TO MBA CANDIDATES.  So if you simply MUST talk about your pineal gland or happy children dancing in the wildflowers, go talk to Roger, because he digs that kind of shit

Golden Applesauce

Main characters - does Enrico have is own book yet?  If not, does he want one?

Letters - in the Bible all the letters are from one saint or other early church figure to either another figure or a group of people.  There ought to be one from a group of people to just one person.  Maybe a response to a sermon that the people liked or didn't like to much.  Maybe something totally out there that really doesn't belong in a bible - a Letter to Mr. Payne from the City of Edinburgh, requesting his presence in court on such and such date.  A letter from a nobody to the character - a small child asking our messiah if he would appear as a clown in his next birthday party, or get rid of an obnoxious kid.
Q: How regularly do you hire 8th graders?
A: We have hired a number of FORMER 8th graders.

Verbal Mike

Quote from: Nigel on April 24, 2009, 02:08:22 AM
I think it's a fantastic idea, I just can't possibly participate right now.
THIS.

All I can offer is a few thoughts...

Why decide anything about the Jesus guy at all? Wouldn't it be even more amusing if the different parts of the Testament contradict each other practically about everything? I mean, you could have a compilation of "facts" about the person and about the setting, points of orientation which the different authors can either concur with or contradict to create a consistency to those contradictions, but you don't actually have to have a "true story" at all... Just a bunch of stories riffing on a theme and bumping into each other... No?
Unless stated otherwise, feel free to copy or reproduce any text I post anywhere and any way you like. I will never throw a hissy-fit over it, promise.

the last yatto

Simpsons Schrodinger's Cat did it
Look, asshole:  Your 'incomprehensible' act, your word-salad, your pinealism...It BORES ME.  I've been incomprehensible for so long, I TEACH IT TO MBA CANDIDATES.  So if you simply MUST talk about your pineal gland or happy children dancing in the wildflowers, go talk to Roger, because he digs that kind of shit

hooplala

Quote from: VERB` on April 25, 2009, 09:31:37 PM
Quote from: Nigel on April 24, 2009, 02:08:22 AM
I think it's a fantastic idea, I just can't possibly participate right now.
THIS.

All I can offer is a few thoughts...

Why decide anything about the Jesus guy at all? Wouldn't it be even more amusing if the different parts of the Testament contradict each other practically about everything? I mean, you could have a compilation of "facts" about the person and about the setting, points of orientation which the different authors can either concur with or contradict to create a consistency to those contradictions, but you don't actually have to have a "true story" at all... Just a bunch of stories riffing on a theme and bumping into each other... No?

I agree.  The only thing I was really interested in agreeing on was the name.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

the other anonymous

#53
The First Letter of Horowitz to Bintugor

I hope this finds you well, my friend, my roman, my countryman. Your ears have done me well and shall be returned in due time. There is much I wish to say, but only one sheet of paper upon which to say it. I shall henceforth be brief.

In all of my travels throughout the libraries along this highway, I have never encountered such a tale as that of Sir Simon Cowell, who, as you may tell by his title, was a noble person of accomplishment. In his youth, he was both a philosopher and a prostitute, detailing exquisite justifications to his clientele before savagely murdering them and, some say, eating their flesh. Perhaps most astounding is the claim that his victims knew of his intent and consented. Truly, this man possessed a tongue of unique skill. He was finally hung from the gallows on the eve of his twenty-fifth year by none other than his final client, the only one to escape alive -- Lady Hilary!

[the rest of this letter is pending...]

[Edit: This sucks. Ignore it.]

Eater of Clowns

We need parables!

The King said to his people "Come, inherit the kingdom prepared for you, for when I was hungry you gave me food, when I was sick you comforted me, when I was in prison you visited me."

And the people asked "Lord, when we see you hungry, and feed you, or sick or in prison and come to you?"

And the King replied "In as much as you have done it unto the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me."

**

The President said to his people "Come, vote for another official for whom this land has been prepared, for when you were hungry I fed you, when you were sick I comforted you, when you were in prison I visited you."

And the people asked "Mr. President, when did you see us hungry and feed us, or sick or in prison and come to us?"

And the President replied "In as much as you have paid your taxes, I have done it unto you."


Except better.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Dr Hoopla on April 23, 2009, 04:42:35 PM
This is in connection with the PD2006 idea from a while back...

Would anyone be interested in assisting me (or just taking the ball and running, as I am a bit busy) in the creation of a Discordian bible?  The PD as it is could be a sort of "old testament", and then we could write new shit and new revelations, that may even contradict the old stuff ... or better yet, definitely contradict the old stuff.  It would be the New Testament.  Maybe we could even write some stuff like psalms...

Anyone interested?


And yes, please note that I had this idea on the 23rd!  ZOMG PINEALSHIT!

Isn't this the 50th anniversary of Discordianism?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

hooplala

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on April 26, 2009, 04:17:54 AM
Quote from: Dr Hoopla on April 23, 2009, 04:42:35 PM
This is in connection with the PD2006 idea from a while back...

Would anyone be interested in assisting me (or just taking the ball and running, as I am a bit busy) in the creation of a Discordian bible?  The PD as it is could be a sort of "old testament", and then we could write new shit and new revelations, that may even contradict the old stuff ... or better yet, definitely contradict the old stuff.  It would be the New Testament.  Maybe we could even write some stuff like psalms...

Anyone interested?


And yes, please note that I had this idea on the 23rd!  ZOMG PINEALSHIT!

Isn't this the 50th anniversary of Discordianism?


ZOMG!!!!!  23CABBAGESTARBUCKPINEALBOMB!!!!!!!!
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

Payne

I'm going to write a life story thing for this messiah dude later on today. I could probably Gospel it up afterwards.

~~~Payne: Needs something to do later.

Payne

And I'm going to write it out as Oxo Motomomo. All those O's are cool, and rearranging Momomoto from the PD can be worked into the story that I'm going to write.

It can be changed later if needs be.

I'll post bits as and when I come up with them to see if I can get people going on this idea.

Payne

Dunno if this strikes the right tone, but I'm just shooting some ideas out.

Also, I've kept a little of the biblical style wording, but not so much that it becomes difficult to follow.

~~~~~

And so it came to pass after many seasons that a child was born to a man and a woman in the rural districts outside The City. He was fair of appearance, and thusly did the people say this is a well aspected child who has surely been sent to ease our burdens as we toil upon the land of The City.

To earthly parents he was born, and to them he was also a gift of those above. Much gladness was found within the household of the father and of the mother, for he was perfect of form and filled those who looked upon him with happiness.

For one half decade did the babe grow, and for every dawn did the father grub in the dirt for the meager produce of the earth and for every dawn did the mother toil to maintain the house and also the houses of her neighbours then did also every evening did they join for repast and for rest.

Then did they begin to wonder at Oxo, for he was of a serious demeanour and of a lazy aspect but yet did he fill the hearts of men and of women with love for him. It was decided that he should be sent to work with his father for half of the day, from dawn to the height of noon, to turn the dusty earth and to remove weeds. And that on other days he would be sent to work with his mother for half the day, from dawn to the height of noon to maintain the house and to scrub the clothing and the cook wares and the other things of the family.

Past noon, Oxo would be sent to learn at the feet of the wisemen of the village, and to come to know many things, for he was to be of higher station thereafter than a farmer.

And so for five years more did the youth Oxo toil in the fields with the elder Motomomo, and toil in the house of Motomomo with his mother, and he became stronger and learned the ways of life for his parents. In the afternoons did he learn from the wisemen, and was taught of reading and numbers and received instruction in the holy book of his father and his father before him.

He was taught of the sacred numbers of the holy book, and of the the other holy things, but he was was found to be a poor student by the wisemen who said what is to be done with this boy child who hears our words but does not follow the teaching and follows not the holy teaching of the twenty three, and believes not in the five commandments? And they were sore wroth with his education, but could not yet turn away from his fair aspect without being cheered by it.

But in his tenth year did Oxo lose his father in an accident, who had gone to the field at dawn but did not return at dusk, and had not returned by the next dusk or by the dawn which followed. Filled with fear for her husband did his mother send Oxo to the field to search for Motomomo who was needed by Oxo and by his mother.

In the field and all around did Oxo look for his father but no sign was to be found. He looked north and east and south and west but found nothing. At the height of noon did he return to the centre and rest while he thought of what next to do. And in a hollow there that was hidden from the north and from the east and from the south and from the west did he find his father who was still and there was no life in him. There was upon him no mark and no sign, and it seemed as if his life had run out from him as water from a glass.

Oxo returned to his mother and told her of the news and sore wroth was she and her heart was heavy with grief. Later then did the men of the village, farmer and wiseman, go to Motomomo with Oxo and did bring his body back and it was buried that same day, and the men did say to Oxo that he was young yet to work in the field from dawn to dusk and they resolved to do the work.

And as time passed did the mother of Oxo grow more weary of grief and she died of it not long after and was too buried with Motomomo, and others of the village resolved to maintain his house and to scrub the clothing and the cook wares and the other things which were Oxos. And the wisemen did say that they would cotinue to teach him, for he errant before and they did resolve he should not err further.