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Author Topic: All in my head  (Read 3501 times)

Payne

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All in my head
« on: April 28, 2009, 12:56:45 am »
You told me you knew a truth, the truth would set me free,
I bought all your bullshit, it made sense to me,
Over, under, all about, the fools are runnin’ round,
And the truth that you promised me has been driven underground.

She called me yesterday in tears, said sex was off the table,
I believed in love, and thought it pure like the fable,
Up and down, through and through, diseases abound,
Those sex lies are by betrayal crowned.

All in my head. The patterns of behaviour.
All in my head. The things that I saw.
All in my head. Law and Disorder.
All in my head, better off in bed, better off unsaid..

The Man called to sell me shiny things,
To have this stuff would set me free on wings,
Debtors and Creditors, the money can’t be found,
The freedom we were sold has such a tinny hollow sound.

All in my head. The patterns of behaviour.
All in my head. The things that I saw.
All in my head. Law and Disorder.
All in my head, and I’m better off in bed, pretty much dead..

Teachers and cops and friends and enemies.
Family and employers and childhood priests.
They gave you the iron, they gave you the plans,
But you built up your prison with your own two hands.

Found my diary today, from when I was fifteen,
I lied to myself , like I was the star of the scene,
Around and around, in ever smaller circles,
I counted off the years like I was counting kills.

All in my head. The patterns of behaviour.
All in my head. The things that I saw.
All in my head. Law and Disorder.
All in my head, and I’m better off in bed, better off unsaid,
Pretty much dead, Better off unsaid.

EDIT: I prefer the version of these words LMNO put to music down there \/, so I'm making the small changes he made to this.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2009, 03:21:49 am by Payne »
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Corvidia

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Re: All in my head
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2009, 01:05:42 am »
Wow. :mittens: An excellent bit.
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Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five for silver,
Six for gold,
Seven for a secret never to be told.

LMNO

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Re: All in my head
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2009, 05:33:08 pm »
Again, it reads like it was suited for music.

I may not have the time... but if I do, can I use?
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Dysfunctional Cunt

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Re: All in my head
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2009, 06:12:18 pm »
Damn Payne, I am impressed!

Very nice!!

:mittens:
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Payne

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Re: All in my head
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2009, 07:09:02 pm »
Quote from: LMNO on April 28, 2009, 05:33:08 pm
Again, it reads like it was suited for music.

I may not have the time... but if I do, can I use?

Any time, LMNO.

Credit me this time as "Written by Payne in 2pt Comic Sans".

 :lulz:
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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: All in my head
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2009, 08:32:19 am »
Wow, excellent!
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“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

LMNO

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Re: All in my head
« Reply #6 on: April 30, 2009, 02:51:54 am »
Well, this is a one-take* wonder, so enjoy it in the spirit it was made.

This work is a half-assed pigpile of a song, so there isn't any real reason to get pissed if someone borrows an idea, or samples it, or improves on it.  Come to think of it, anything would improve it.  So if you want to take this idea and run with it, and even improve upon it, and maybe, perhaps, sell it, contact me, and I can give you the tracks, the arrangement, even the entire damn ProTools file if you want it.  I'd Just like you to give my contact info to whoever is interested in what I did.

http://ifile.it/de0qsua


* Well, this is a pastiche of takes, so I guess a one evening wonder would be more appropriate.
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Payne

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Re: All in my head
« Reply #7 on: April 30, 2009, 03:01:54 am »
You got something going there anyway, LMNO. And I have to say I prefer your wording better throughout than my own.

I may edit the OP to reflect it.
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LMNO

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Re: All in my head
« Reply #8 on: April 30, 2009, 01:17:41 pm »
I shoehorned a bit of it, to be honest.

Thanks for not getting pissed at my ham-handed editing.
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Payne

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Re: All in my head
« Reply #9 on: April 30, 2009, 02:59:20 pm »
It flows better. Some of the original version was clunky and awkward. I had it in mind for a few days, but only did the actual writing in about 10 minutes, a quick edit for spelling and overworked lines, and I posted it.

With your musicians brain, the shoehorning worked well for rhythm and flow, but you didn't cut anything important out.

I'm happy with it, and happy to bow to experience.
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Roaring Biscuit!

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Re: All in my head
« Reply #10 on: April 30, 2009, 08:15:40 pm »
Quote from: LMNO on April 30, 2009, 02:51:54 am
Well, this is a one-take* wonder, so enjoy it in the spirit it was made.

This work is a half-assed pigpile of a song, so there isn't any real reason to get pissed if someone borrows an idea, or samples it, or improves on it.  Come to think of it, anything would improve it.  So if you want to take this idea and run with it, and even improve upon it, and maybe, perhaps, sell it, contact me, and I can give you the tracks, the arrangement, even the entire damn ProTools file if you want it.  I'd Just like you to give my contact info to whoever is interested in what I did.

http://ifile.it/de0qsua


* Well, this is a pastiche of takes, so I guess a one evening wonder would be more appropriate.

well i'd quite like to give it shot if thats a'ight with payne, though i kinda have a different style goin'...

EDIT:  i did like yours LMNO :)
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Payne

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Re: All in my head
« Reply #11 on: April 30, 2009, 09:25:22 pm »
Go for it if you want.

Credit me with the words though. Ask LMNO if he wants credit too, seeing as he tightened them up.
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