ITT: Original Story Ideas

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

Rocky & Bullwinkle episode: Boris Badinov is the president

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

Misc ideas:

*The reason why turtles live so long and move so slow is because they psychically project a bubble of dilated time around themselves.

*On the next episode of Dora the Explorer we meet Swiper's Italian cousin, Seizer

*Gory horror film where all the victims of the evil supernatural force are kindergarteners

*A parody of one of those reality shows about weddings, wherein instead of weddings it's about funerals

[minuspace]

Eccentric statistician is always misplacing things. Brilliant and exceptionally shy, decides to start rocking designer socks that are made by hand as 'one of a kind' matching pairs. You know, to live a little. This is when things get strange.

Of course everyone understands that evil elves have a penchant for socks, used as bags to haul away all the other stuff they re-appropriate. This is simply common sense, and our statistician clearly expects this to also happen to his own unique identifiers. The problem is that everyone knows that the elves are not actually interested in the socks themselves, these are just expedient devices dictated by the logic of looting. So then why are the socks primarily missing in pairs?

The horror really starts when our hero decides to take a sick day from work, to buy a new pair of socks instead. Walking up to the sock shop on the towns main strip, the statistician stops suddenly, catching a glimpse of someone identical to themselves standing next to their own half-reflected image in the store-front glass. Just as quickly, the understanding of what this means hits the protagonist like a freight train of sea serpents.

Our hero runs home, tears the gas line from the stove, douses all current research in kerosene, and then lights a match. KABOOM. The very next day, as though nothing happened, the statistician with a thing for socks apparently shows up to work again.

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

Cartoon: A war betweem dixie cups and cans of yankee bean soup

[minuspace]

Noir adaptation of Persephone played by Operante Conditzione, with Homeo Stasis in the role of Hades

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

Some ideas:

*In a post-apocalyptic world a doomsday survivalist manual has become the holy book of the descendents of one group of survivors. (Inspired my realization that this is what the Bible is. The mosaic law isn't a moral framework, it's a collection of doomsday survivalist tips, which is why the jews were mostly unscathed by the Plague)

*Spoof of A Christmas Carol wherein Scrooge's only takeaway from the vision is to fire the cleaning woman and the laundress

[minuspace]

SLIP: (I'm sure we did something like this already)

Youse all seen that box with the buttons on it, that you press while it reads the action potentials of your brain. It learns which button you are going to press before you are consciously aware of your decision. Well, it didn't take long for some to see that this represents the Internet.

At first people thought that this may be some long-form deep-state infrastructure of trans-national social control. Sure, because all these states would spontaneously unite under one totally dominant system. That's what they want you to think. It's much, much worse.

Turns out an "alien craft" on routine interstellar cleaning patrol just happened upon our planet: it already was our time of reckoning. Out with the bad. There is no reasoning with this thing, it already knows what you have to say. There is no diplomacy: this is an unconditional surrender. The people in charge know this and have no idea how to integrate it with the tenuous "world-order" with which they face the world, and pretend to represent.

The very device that you are using to read this is the soft disclosure of your enslavement. You are living in interesting times, under the attention of an ultimate authority. Now what?

[minuspace]

An episode of Yatterman with a Yatter-Wan-like giant frog antagonist holding the Golden-Gate Bridge hostage. It issues a series of terrestrial vehicles from its mouth that, upon crossing the bridge, enter the minds of humans. Will a single "Mecha-Tonic" be enough to stop the invaders of human thought?

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

The crew of a starship are menaced by a malevolent energy-being that feeds on science-fiction cliches. Initially they think it feeds on fear and/or hate, but no, it's behaving that way because it feeds on cliches. Reversing the polarity or ejecting it into space (especially by opening an airlock or by beaming it away at maximum dispersal) only make it stronger. What will they do!? They'll have to come up with something original!

[minuspace]

A rendition of JHVH-#1 that is implacable like a possessed bulldozer capable of leveling entire solar-systems with nanometric precision. It's a fluff piece trying to showcase the god's softer side, how it enjoys "eccentric" combinations of reporters and dogs, etc. Favorite color(s), green and pink (stacked, not blended!). This detail probably has something to do with the error in translation to Latin from original hebrew, mixing the name's consonants with the title's vowels: a mistake we will never make again. We slowly come to understand that the entire progress of civilization was a punitive correction to that one spelling error. Interestingly, it happens that the main culprit of this mistake was German, go figure.

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

An expanded version of the biblical story of the feeding of the 5000 explaining the role that cannibalism played in this miracle

[minuspace]

An expanded version of the biblical story of the feeding of the 5000 explaining the role that cannibalism played in this miracle

Could it be possible that it was Jewish propaganda to undermine the sacrament? According to the expanded version, the food was "multiplied" by a super-process of division. Given how small the portions actually were, the 5000 cannibalized themselves through a very non-sensational act of catabolism. [note to self: I need to be less antagonistic] 

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

*Sekhmet imprisoned in a fusion reactor in science-fantasy film

*Ad for "Nostra-Dominos" pizza; delivery prior to the order being placed is guaranteed

*A TV news program does an investigative hidden-camera report on people who don't flush the toilet after using the restroom

*tiny demons mining rubies from the sinister glow in a vampire's eyes

*version of Alice in Wonderland where the caterpillar is a frat boy, the flowers talk obsessively about anthers and stamens in a way that makes people uncomfortable, the jack of hearts is demoted in a ceremony resem ling the sacrifice from Temple of Doom, and the Dormouse recites passages from the Necronomicon as well as that chant about the Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmet

*a neo-nazi cult uses frosty the snowman's hat to bring adolph hitler back to life

*An america-themed serial killer called the "nephew of sam"

[minuspace]

 I have something stuck between my teeth

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

People are always complaining that the depiction of bondage in 50 Shades of Gray is unrealistic and over the top, so what I want to see is a parody of 50 Shades based on the Armin Meiwes case (the one where the guy agreed to be killed and to have his penis bitten off)