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ROCK FOR SALE! ONLY $325!

Started by Shibboleet The Annihilator, April 30, 2010, 10:22:58 PM

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Remington

#1
April 30, 2010, 10:35:49 PM
DO WANT
Is it plugged in?

h-town

#2
April 30, 2010, 10:40:45 PM
If you go to a landscaping supply store you'll see all kinds of rocks and stones for sale. Without a sense of irony, at that. Interesting is the difference between premium stone and regular.

http://www.kellermaterial.com/boulders.html

When I was in high school I used to work for a stone..er mason? or whatever title he gave himself. We basically made stone driveways and garden nooks.

Suu

#3
April 30, 2010, 11:31:56 PM
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#4
May 01, 2010, 01:05:28 AM
That's a pretty small boulder.

When b and I were driving through Nevada a couple of years ago we stopped and got some 50-100lb boulders from the side of the road, for free.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

AFK

#5
May 01, 2010, 02:03:00 AM
You can't sell Rock!.  Oh, that kind of rock.  Nevermind. 
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Jasper

#6
May 01, 2010, 02:03:36 AM
I could see charging good money to haul a rock like that, but just to own an abundant, naturally ocurring piece of matter?

Rumckle

#7
May 01, 2010, 02:29:48 AM
That would be a crappy job though, imagine having to push a rock up hills every day.
It's not trolling, it's just satire.

Dysfunctional Cunt

#8
May 01, 2010, 02:49:32 AM
Quote from: Sigmatic on May 01, 2010, 02:03:36 AM
I could see charging good money to haul a rock like that, but just to own an abundant, naturally ocurring piece of matter?



THIS!!

I have a huge rock in my side yard. Free to whoever wants it!!

Suu

#9
May 01, 2010, 02:56:43 AM
Quote from: Rumckle on May 01, 2010, 02:29:48 AM
That would be a crappy job though, imagine having to push a rock up hills every day.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisyphus
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Rumckle

#10
May 01, 2010, 03:23:00 AM
That's the one, I'm bad enough with names of real people :(
It's not trolling, it's just satire.

Iason Ouabache

#11
May 01, 2010, 07:31:28 AM
You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck i do not give.
    \
┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#12
May 01, 2010, 09:03:52 PM
This thread makes me try to think of things that I can obtain for free and then sell on the Internet.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Jasper

#13
May 01, 2010, 10:38:38 PM
Oh, this reminds me. :lulz:

QuoteRocks are NOT “free”, citizen.

Firstly, you must manoeuvre the Emperor’s naval vessel within reach of the asteroid belt, almost assuredly sustaining damage to the Emperor’s ship’s paint from micrometeoroids, while expending the Emperor’s fuel.

Then the tech priests must inspect the rock in question to ascertain its worthyness to do the Emperor’s bidding. Should it pass muster, the Emperor’s Servitors must use the Emperor’s auto-scrappers and melta-cutters to prepare the potential ordinance for movement. Finally, the tech priests finished, the Emperor’s officers may begin manoeuvring the Emperor’s warship to abut the asteroid at the prepared face (expending yet more of the Emperor’s fuel), and then begin boosting the stone towards the offensive planet.

After a few days of expending a prodigious amount of the Emperor’s fuel to accelerate the asteroid into an orbit more fitting to the emperor’s desires, the Emperor’s ship may then return to the planet via superluminous warp travel and await the arrival of the stone, still weeks (or months) away.

After twiddling away the Emperor’s time and eating the Emperor’s food in the wasteful pursuit of making sure that the Emperor’s enemies do not launch a deflection mission, they may finally watch the ordinance impact on the planet (assuming the Emperor’s warship does not need to attempt any last-minute course correction upon the rock, using yet more of the Emperor’s fuel).

Given a typical (class Bravo-CVII) system, we have the following:
Two months, O&M, Titan class warship: 4.2 Million Imperials.
Two months, rations, crew of same: 0.2 MI
Two months, Tech Priest pastor: 1.7 MI
Two months, Servitor parish: 0.3 MI
Paint, Titan class warship: 0.9 MI
Dihydrogen peroxide fuel: 0.9 MI
Total: 9.8 MI

Contrasting with the following:
5 warheads, magna-melta: 2.5 MI
One day, O&M, Titan class warship: 0.3 MI
One day, rations, crew of same: 0.0 MI
Dihydrogen peroxide fuel: 0.1 MI
Total: 2.9 MI

Given the same amount with under one third of the cost, the Emperor will have saved a massive amount of His most sacred money and almost a full month of time, during which His warship may be bombarding an entirely different planet.

The Emperor, through this – His office of Imperial outlays – hereby orders you to attend one (1) week of therapeutic accountancy training/penance. Please report to Areicon IV, Imperial City, Administatum Building CXXI, Room 1456, where you are to sit in the BLUE chair.

For the Emperor,
Bursarius Tenathis,
Purser Level XI,
Imperial Office of Outlays.
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