Be a dance commander

[Golden Applesauce]

This is an attempt to re-visit some of the ideas in my "Be an Enabler" piece with an eye towards practical implications.

Way back when (< 3 years ago), the phrase "dance commander" meant something in PD jargon.  Or maybe it didn't - I only saw it a handful of times.  (I think it may have had something to do with Gay Wango Tango... ?)  Anyway, I remember seeing a OLMB or PosterGASM idea seed something along the lines of "you should find your dance commander, and do what he says."  I didn't think much of it at the time; I interpreted it as making light of authority figures or being surrealist or something.

Then I met some real-life dance commanders.

At dances, there are usually a number of people who don't really feel like dancing.  Maybe they're tired, or are terrible at dancing.  But most commonly people don't want to dance because not enough people are dancing.  People don't want to be awkwardly dancing by themselves while everyone else watches.  So if your party falls below the critical number of dancers, everyone stops dancing, even though people mostly came to the party in the first place for dancing - so you have this incredibly awkward situation where everyone wants to dance but isn't going to because nobody else is.  This is where the dance commanders come in.  Dance commanders are the people who understand that dancing doesn't happen by itself, that someone needs to put in effort to get people moving.  You'll recognize the dance commanders because they'll get up and dance even when nobody else is, risking looking foolish in order to jump-start the party.  They dance even harder when a poor dancing song comes on and people start looking to see if now is the time to go get a drink.  They move from group to group, bringing isolated dancing circles together into larger groups.  In short, they are the ones who deliberately and systematically change the atmosphere from "lets all stand around looking at our feet" to "WOOHOOIDONTKNOWTHISSONGBUTLETSDANCEANYWAY"

People's actions are heavily influenced by the psychic/cultural/situational landscape.  We usually don't want to upset the status quo, even when the status quo isn't benefitting everyone.  If the status quo is "not dancing," nobody wants to be the first to dance.  If the status quo is "dance party," people don't want to be the ones left out.  Dance commanders are the people who have realized that the psychic landscape is entirely composed of people's actions, and that they can remodel the landscape by acting against the situation or by spinning the situation differently.  Godwin saw an obnoxious tendency in usegroups that benefitted no one, put on his dance commander hat / white lab coat, and crafted Godwin's Law to change the way conversation is conducted.  Ditto for the Frown Power campaign, where people would pointedly frown at those they heard making bigoted or intolerant speech - a deliberate attempt to change the cultural landscape from one where racism was permissible to one where racism was embarassing.  On the other end of the spectrum, we have people working to contort the landscape into things like "The West is at war with Islam" so well that people who consider themselves Western and people who consider themselves Muslim are taking up actual, IRL weapons to kill each other.

Your mission as a official certified Dancin' Pope is to recognize when someone is trying to sell you and the people around you a bullshit scenario, and to sell a better scenario right back.  If rules lawyering is eating into your RP time, change the game you're playing from "Rules lawyering one-upsmanship" to "Relaxing social activity."  Change "Pointless drama and whinging" to "Post something interesting."  Change "Bosses are better than you" to "This is a true team enterprise."  "We are at war with The Other" to "We are the most socially, intellectually, and creatively advanced entity in known space, let's do something more fun than kill each other."

When people are playing a game where nobody wins, change the rules.  Redefine victory.  Apply all that "meme" stuff we talk about.

[Doktor Howl]

At dances, there are usually a number of people who don't really feel like dancing.  Maybe they're tired, or are terrible at dancing.  But most commonly people don't want to dance because not enough people are dancing. 

That never happens when you hire...




...JOEY KAPLAN DANCE PARTIES, INC!

[Triple Zero]

I will read more and possibly reply your post later, but since you indicated you aren't aware were "Dance Commander" came from, it's from this song by Electrix Six: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vboGDSUGCyY

[Jasper]

I am in awe.

[Triple Zero]

But most commonly people don't want to dance because not enough people are dancing.  People don't want to be awkwardly dancing by themselves while everyone else watches.  So if your party falls below the critical number of dancers, everyone stops dancing, even though people mostly came to the party in the first place for dancing - so you have this incredibly awkward situation where everyone wants to dance but isn't going to because nobody else is.  This is where the dance commanders come in.  Dance commanders are the people who understand that dancing doesn't happen by itself, that someone needs to put in effort to get people moving.  You'll recognize the dance commanders because they'll get up and dance even when nobody else is, risking looking foolish in order to jump-start the party.

That's me

They dance even harder when a poor dancing song comes on

But that's not me.

If nobody's dancing, and there should be dancing, if a remotely danceable song comes on, I can take on the task of being first on the dancefloor (or the first one that's moving). If it's good music, it helps. And if it's shitty music, I only keep going if either I'm having a great time anyway, or there's a reasonable expectation of a good song coming up soon. Otherwise I don't bother. No matter if people need someone to go first, you don't need everybody dancing to shitty music if they wouldn't otherwise either

They move from group to group, bringing isolated dancing circles together into larger groups.  In short, they are the ones who deliberately and systematically change the atmosphere from "lets all stand around looking at our feet" to "WOOHOOIDONTKNOWTHISSONGBUTLETSDANCEANYWAY"

That's Lysergic, he told me he used to work at a club and this was part of his job.

I can't do that, usually. Too much stuff going on, too busy to find my own place in the psychic landscape. I can imagine it's easier if it's a familiar place, though.


But I'm taking your story too literal, sorry:

Your mission as a official certified Dancin' Pope is to recognize when someone is trying to sell you and the people around you a bullshit scenario, and to sell a better scenario right back.  If rules lawyering is eating into your RP time, change the game you're playing from "Rules lawyering one-upsmanship" to "Relaxing social activity."  Change "Pointless drama and whinging" to "Post something interesting."  Change "Bosses are better than you" to "This is a true team enterprise."  "We are at war with The Other" to "We are the most socially, intellectually, and creatively advanced entity in known space, let's do something more fun than kill each other."

absolutely.

One thing I gotta say though. I dunno if that goes for everybody, but doing this does cost me energy. A bit like willpower, but different. A kind of "chaos ordering / bird's eye view" mental energy I became a lot more aware of when my burnout caused it to run out real quick. (Hence I don't try to go around being the glue of the party)

But generally, I try to do it. Because IMO it's the right thing to do.

[the last yatto]

Can I use the OP for my latest intermitten issue?

[Cramulus]

great post applesauce

we should all strive to be pioneers of the psychic landscape.


my relationship is going through major gnashing right now and the best advice I got was from a friend who reminded me that I am an Absurdist, and if I don't like the way things are going, I should just act as if they're different ... until they are.

[Golden Applesauce]

One thing I gotta say though. I dunno if that goes for everybody, but doing this does cost me energy. A bit like willpower, but different. A kind of "chaos ordering / bird's eye view" mental energy I became a lot more aware of when my burnout caused it to run out real quick. (Hence I don't try to go around being the glue of the party)

I agree, doing this kind of thing is exhausting.  It's something about the mental stance you have to place yourself in, where you can see how everyone is relating to the situation and where the situations "weak points" are, the places where you have to insert your little memetic lever and shove.

Even if you have the willpower, though, it's not usually obvious how to go about changing the script/narrative/atmosphere of a situation.  For example, there's this guy I know with some self-esteem issues.  Every now and then, he'll get it into his head that the game everyone is currently playing is "alpha male posturing" and become this incredibly stubborn, uncooperative guy (because backing down or compromising is for wimps, apparently.)  But you can't just tell him that you aren't trying to play dominance games with him, because by doing so you actually are - you're challenging his narrative of the situation with your own.

[PennyMagnum]

Excellent post. Puts that song in a whole new light. Can we have a deep conversation about Gay Bar now?