Book Club: Angel Tech

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Yeah, I've been working on setting boundaries, and not being a doormat. Seems to be turning out well. People treat me differently, better, with more respect for my personal space, both physical and psychological.

Plus, it feels good, sometimes.

On Saturday, I was coming back from the assistantship work to meet up with my parents who had driven down here for the weekend, a short visit. Being tired and hungry, unable to find their hotel and meet up, and just wanting to lay down for a while, I proceeded to drive around town speeding and screaming at the top of my lungs. After a few minutes of that, I felt a little better, and was finally able to find their hotel.

That usually works pretty well.  Unless you get hauled over and beaten by cops for being a terrorist.

I had the windows rolled up.

It echoed better.

Loses some effect, though.  Insufficient terrorized locals.

[Kai]

Doesn't being celibate and engaging in sex only under certain conditions qualify as operant conditioning? It doesn't appear to correlate with the pre-Leary idea of 'imprinting' at all, to me, but obviously Leary extended the model out from identifying the mother and learning not to fuck siblings.

It seems quite likely to work, mind you. I am just unsure whether or not it qualifies as imprinting outside of the 8 circuit model.

I'm using the words imprinting and reimprinting to refer to whatever this conditioning is thats going on. Is that okay with you Enki, or should I be pedantic about it?

I'm okay as long as we identify which definitions we are using.

I thought it was pretty clear by context.

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

Context sensitivity isn't my strong point. Better to make sure.

[LMNO]

So now, we get to the tricky part: We've established the model, great.  But what if we don't like what the model is telling us?  Sure, we can identify that our second Gear is stuck, but what the hell do we do about it?

The exercises ahead seem to be a blend of different physical and mental disciplines.  They physical we can pretty much get a good grasp on, doing X movement will probably give you Y result.  The meditations and visualizations however... well, we'll have to leave it at the "try it out, see if it works" level.  I will say this: If we buy into the placebo effect, and if we can agree that sometimes, the brain needs to be tricked into changing with slight of hand, chanting, and picturing columns of white light, then so be it.  

First, a bit of good advice: "The first thing to remember is: Be Kind To The Robot. Most malfunctions are associated with faulty or outdated programming, which, of course, is the user's responsibility. The robot simply follows orders and only takes command when nobody else wants to."  

We then learn about the four major ways you can fuck up a gear:

"Confusion Alert - The basic disorientation occurring when an idea of reality contradicts and/or resists the living experience of that reality itself."

"Pretty Vacant - To the degree a particular gear remains unclaimed, there exists a fundamental inertia around that function of survival... diminishing its innate intelligence."

"Broken Record - When one gear becomes over-emphasized, immobilization often sets in and the robot "spins out" in a non-stop fashion of ineffective surviving."

"Short Circuit - This happens when a survival gear can no longer operate as a support function for its overtone as a result of a sudden blast and/or overwhelming influx of High School [read: Higher Gear] information."  This brings up again the concept that Gears 1 – 4 map up with Gears 5 – 8... When we get there, I can see making a case for the first couple, but it's still a reach when you get up there.

Anyway, please note that all four of these problems can overlap, so the "big picture" of how fucked up your mind is gets pretty complex... Over 500 different combinations, if I have my math right.  Add in to that the fact that the level of "excitement/restriction" of each Gear is not polar, and... yeah.  

Then you have to factor in, "Every robot heals at a different pace and style of recovery based in its programs. If somebody does not want to be healed, they won't."  This ties in to his love of Positive Affirmations.  Again, if you have to trick the body into healing itself, then yeah.  But like I said before, it can get really annoying if you have to listen to it all day.

So: Onward with fixing the First Gear.

"FIRST GEAR - Confusion Alert - Physical disorientation often occurs when body-images are out of sync with body realities."  Basically, love yourself for what you look like.  Yeah, I know.  The new age, feel-good stuff starts right out of the gate.  But here's the thing... That new age stuff might sound bad and look worse, but they've got a point.  It's fairly obvious that people who hate their bodies usually end up hating themselves.  And self-pity is no fun to be around.  So, what does A.A. suggest you do about this?

Meditating.  Or more properly, sitting without moving (or falling asleep).  The weird thing is, until you've actually tried this, you don't realize just how hard it is.  If you're focused, you do pick up on how active your body is, all the time, and mostly unnecessarily so.  Pay no attention to A.A.'s explanation about how the body fears "nothingness".  For me, it's more an act of showing myself that it's really ok to relax.  It's good for feeling where you're tense, not just knots and cramps, but where your muscles clench up for no reason, like they're trying to protect you form something.  That seems to relate to the Reichean Body Armor business.  So, give it a shot.  It's one of the more digestible ones, it's not like he's asking you to picture majikal unicorns or anything.

He then shoehorns in a paragraph which brings up that First Gear could be considered the "ego", that part of us that is pure "self".  To be honest, I'm not sure where he's going with that, other than a brief polemic against the "anti-ego" movements of the 60s.  He mentions that one reason we might want to deny the ego is because we fear existence... I suppose that would be a radical Resistance in First Gear.  In a way, maybe he has a point.  If we're afraid for our safety in this world, then we are afraid of existing in the world, because it is a scary and dangerous place.  But if we feel safe in who we are, we feel we can deal with the world.  And apparently, safety begins with the way you feel.  So: "One solution to the fear of existence is the practice of Making Statements....Being direct and definite in self-expression helps... The direct expression of our fears and needs to be taken care of brings us a little closer to reclaiming Physical Intelligence".  He doesn't elaborate on this, so I guess we need to.

First Gear, as A.A. claims, it kind of like a baby.  They appear to be pure ego, wanting what they want, and even if they have no language, they will tell you that they want, in no uncertain terms.  Before we can become nuanced, we need to have a solid concept of being.  Interestingly enough, this ties into the (supposed) satire of E'', or "Roger Prime".  MAKE THOSE STATEMENTS, BITCHES.  Tap into those deep, deep currents of hunger and fear, and make them known.  Start seeing what shape that Gear takes, what makes it flinch, what it races towards.  Don't try to guide it, let it take you.  Of course, you don't want to live there, but if you're going to Pimp your Ride, you've got to start from the bottom up.

I'm not sure I like his assertion that accidents are "wake up calls".  And I especially don't like his repeating riff about the "NO COINCIDENCES DEPARTMENT".  If you want to play the Lo5 game that way, fine.  But it's a bit to omnisciently theistic if you ask me.  And in the end, that's not really important to the idea of Confusion Alert in First Gear.  This is: "Perhaps the most severe form of the Confusion Alert comes as the idea that the body is an 'inferior or lower' self suspected of the most heinous intentions. These kinds of body-images perpetrate the belief in a "split" "between the body and the spirit."  LOL, Cartesian Duality.

But he does have a good point.  If our bodies are the only thing we have, there's no good reason to denigrate it, except for Control.  "Any spiritual doctrine denying the body and its free expression also creates a basic confusion around body-images, hence, indirectly enslaving members to that particular religion. Organized religion has been... a means of social control throughout history. Sects... all support a basic conflict in the primitive mind about the body. The body is seen as anything from 'evil' to an impediment on the path of enlightenment, something one must overcome and come to grips with."  Whether or not you're on this ride for spiritual or mental reasons (A.A. seems to think we're all reading his book to find an "Inner God"), treating the body like it's more than a meatsack is an important step in taking control of the Robot.  "First Grade Graduation does not mean leaving physical Intelligence behind. On the contrary, we are now ready to take our body with us. The physical body... is the substantial portion of the rest of us and is not separate."

Wow, this got long.  "Pretty Vacant" in First Gear is next.

[Kai]

Yay.

[Bu🤠ns]

I think i'm going to compile some of these notable posts (mainly lmno's, heh) and re-read this book.

[LMNO]

I think I'll just post a few quotes, and comment when needed.

"First Gear Robot Malfunction preoccupies itself with more functional problems. The conflict often occurs when we are Pretty Vacant and expresses symptoms of: 1) Fear 2) Depression 3) Low Energy States and, of course, 4) Inertia."

"Many times, the individual is on "automatic pilot" with physical survival issues because they are not running on their own program but that of their parents."

"The process of becoming a Mother to oneself often follows the disillusioning realization, or enlightenment, that there is really nobody else around to do this [meet your security needs]."

"Depression may follow helplessness when we expect somebody to come by and take care of us... Another factor to this inertia is the growing disappointment of feeling unappreciated. Eventually, the momentum of these negative emotions effects an immobilization... an inability to move. The real danger is Getting Used To Not Moving."

"The first adjustment necessary to release inertia comes with a conscious choice to use comfort instead of making it a goal."  Ok, this is interesting.  If you set your sights higher than just being comfortable, then you're going to have to get your shit straight before you get there.  So, you don't get comfortable, and then decide you're done, because that will dump you right back into inertia.  You get comfortable, and then you can go out and kick some ass.

So, those quotes were pretty good:  Find out who programmed your survival anxiety; Be aware of it; Admit you're on your own when it comes to feeling safe; If you don't, you'll drag yourself down; Being safe isn't a goal, it's a means to an end.  Great.  But then he goes all mystical again, and talks about "grounding energy through other people" (psychic vampires, anyone?) before veering off into nutritional advice.  I get it: A lot of people are unhealthy, and their diet can affect their physical and mental moods.  But for fuck's sake, go biological.  Don't give us "The most alive or biogenic foods are the ones that are still alive, like sprouts from seeds and beans, uncooked and raw. The next most alive or bioactive foods are fruits and vegetables in their ripe, mature and naturally sweetened stages, which also includes uncooked but unsprouted seed, bean and grain. Biostatic foods (foods which initiate aging in us) are all cooked foods not using refined sugars, flours and/or preservatives. Biocidic (lifedeteriorating) foods include refined sugars and flours, fats and preservatives."

Srsly.

Hmm.  Didn't spend as much time on that as the previous.  I think we have time to look into Broken Record, Gear One.  Hang on kids... We're about to get metaphysical.

"One result of over-emphasizing Physical Survival is an obsession with security issues... When physical needs are not met directly enough, security will become the preoccupation until these needs are recognized for what they are and fulfilled."  Ok, no metaphysics just yet.  Broken Record is the over-emphasis on one Gear, and so if you don't feel safe, you'll spend all your time worrying about safety, in a non-verbal, pre-intelligence way.  That irrational, panic-type worry.  As RAW has stated, a lot of us have transferred this onto money, which is why people have anxiety attacks when finances are mentioned.

"The most direct way of assimilating, or organizing, an excess input of survival information is through the physical rest of sleep... In the deeper, more profound states of sleep, the ego (personal consciousness) completely merges with the I AM universal life spirit, thus, releasing all our latent powers of organization into action."  Ah, there we go.  I told you we were going to get heavy.  Again, this is more A.A.'s worldview than about the 8C model.  While it's true that when the physical body is stressed it can't deal well with safety issues, and that sleep is a good way to deal with stress, I'm gonna have to pass on the I AM universal life spirit.  I'll stick with, "Those of us who live for security as a way of life, philosophy and/or religion run the risk of trying to stop an ever-changing world...Due to the ever-changing nature of the organism itself, any excessive emphasis on enforcing order simply compels more disorder and chaos." 

So, let's talk about how to stop the Broken Record.  Ah.  More meditation.  But this time, with visualizations.  I will NOT get into his use of the word "energy", nor quibble with the concept of the Earth as some semi-conscious thing.  Those who remember the TCC and MW lulz know where I stand on all that.  For the sake of moving forward, I will do my best to interpret what he's saying, and maybe even try to re-explain it.  Maybe.

Anyway, the first step is tricking your body into breathing fully.  Basically, sit up straight, and concentrate on your breathing.  To get your body fully into it, pretend you are sucking some kind of "energy" up through your feet and up your ass (it helps to think of the first chakra, if you're into that.  Otherwise, imaging the earth sodomizing your spine with every breath).  Once your blood is fully oxygenated, vocalize to get resonances in your head and chest.  It feels good, and makes you very aware of your physical body.  Pay no attention to his use of the phrases "integrity conduits" and the like.  Do the meditation, see if you like the way it feels, and name it what you want.  For me, it seems to promote body awareness, and comfort.  Since this is pretty much what First Gear is supposed to be about, I consider it useful in that way.

I am, however, going to try to ignore his "group meditations", where you become some sort of "Universal Ground" and go around stabilizing each other.  The less said about that, the better.

[Kai]

Again, I really like your comments LMNO. You bring up most of the stuff I was unwilling to consider at the time, just trying some new filters, but now I realize bothered me. And you highlight all the good stuff that made reading AT worth while.

[LMNO]

Thanks, Kai.  It's helping me focus on the text more, as well.  I think doing this will be a form of therapy, as I will probably absorb the information better after having to re-process it.

[LMNO]

"Short Circuit, or "over-amping", on the Physical Level is when we absorb more sensory input than we can contain."  I don't know if "contain" is the right word, but I know what he's talking about.  Because he connects C1 with C5, getting waaaay too high and ending up a complete wreck seems to be the extreme version of this.  So, what's the fix?

Well, apparently, there is a four-stage process that needs to happen.  Maybe.  You see, he doesn't really talk about the First Gear Short Circuit as a Mechanical Problem from this point forward.  He seems to call the Short Circuit a form of cosmic Bliss, a "rapturous state".  And while I sometimes have interpreted one of my better highs (usually this happened on acid, sometimes on pot) as an "unfiltered" perception of reality (as unfiltered as biologically possible, of course), I've also had some of the most terrifying, soul-sucking experiences when I've physically been assaulted by sensory input.  Perhaps we're meant to understand that the two are identical; maybe that they both should be treated the same way.  Let's be charitable and think of it that way, and not that he's trying to shoehorn a few random concepts into the book.

So, the four stages are "pleasure" to "dispersion" to "restraint" to "understanding", or Bliss, Coming Down, Pulling Back, and Interpretation.  That is to say, there is a transcendental moment, which then passes.  At that point, you need to back off, and figure out what just happened.  I agree, but it's much easier said that done, especially the restraint part.  There is a natural progression from Pleasure to Dispersion, as the Moment where it all seems so clear begins to fade, or the Moment when terror makes you shit your pants passes.  What's not so simple is either showing responsibility and not immediately trying to get the high back, or getting yourself calmed down enough from the horror.  Though he doesn't explicitly state it (or even implicitly, at that), I'm guessing the grounding meditation above could help.  The last stage seems to be some form of Revelation, some hidden Truth that is revealed after the experience of Pleasure.  I think he's got the right idea, but I don't really agree that it will automatically bubble up to the surface.  I'd actually go the Crowley route, write down what happened, and then try to be objective about what happened, and what you learned.  But I guess that's just me.


So, that's First Gear.  Second Gear Mechanical Problems come tomorrow.

[LMNO]

"Emotional Intelligence moves Second Gear in ways that are often irrational, unpredictable and cathartic because its primary intent is expression and release. Emotions are not meant to be figured out. Gear Two disorientation can result from having ideas about our feelings that stop us from feeling them. On the whole, concepts don't really belong in Second Gear because when emotions are rationalized, they are repressed."  In a word, YARGANARGANARG.  From someone who spends a lot of time in Third Gear, this is important to remember.  When you are emotional, or you're dealing with someone else who is, then you're not going to have a lot of "thought".  All you want to do is EXPRESS. 

So, Confusion Alert is when your idea of reality doesn't jibe with actual reality.  How does that express itself in C2?  "Synchronizing ideas to emotional realities means accepting them on their own terms... If they are judged or criticized just because they are not understood, it's time to call a Confusion Alert. The first adjustment is learning No Judgment in relation to emotions."
I don't know if that fits, exactly, but it's a good thing to keep in mind, nonetheless.  I'm pretty sure he doesn't mean becoming a slave to your emotions, or calling your emotions a deeper truth like some people do... It reminds me of a quote from the movie High Fidelity: "I've been thinking with my gut for fifteen years, and I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains."  Expressing your emotions means you're processing them, allowing them to happen, and not being controlled by them.

"Another source of ideas which confuse our emotions are those self-images inhibiting and denying our personal freedom. This kind of self-denial keeps us emotionally immobilized until we breakthrough by coming out and being ourselves more."  Unfortunately, he doesn't really say where these inhibiting self-images come from, or what he actually means by personal freedom.  At first glance, I would say that many of these self-images stem from the Fourth Gear: Social norms, peer-group pressures, standards for employment.  Is there a way to overcome these self-images?  He doesn't say, he just encourages you to express yourself. 

"PRETTY VACANT: Leaving our emotions unclaimed is accepting invitations for a collision course with The Cosmic Wimp-Out. Gear Two is pushed by our convictions. Without strong feelings about what we believe in, we are but rudderless boats... and unable to take charge by initiating direction. When Second Gear is Pretty Vacant, an emotional inertia develops... all the unexpressed love, fear and rage gradually devolve into the slimy sludge of emotional mush."

So, while if you leave C1 vacant, familial programs creep in, but if you leave C2 vacant, you apparently are left in an emotional morass, and are unable to express your emotions.  This can come in two ways: You either decide everything is pointless, or you decide everything has more of a point than anyone could ever conceive.

So, this seems to smack the Absurdist viewpoint in the face.  He says, "Pointlessness is that particular emotional bias claiming an 'indifference' to life-in-general because: 1) It's all the same, anyway 2) Life is a joke at best 3) Entropy will get us in the end, so why bother? 4) Or any other existential treatise emphasizing the meaningless."  Now, for some of us this might raise some hackles.  But let's imagine someone thought that life was only pointless.  You know who I'm talking about... the Nihilists.  Rather than seeing the absurdity and embracing it, they give up in the face of it.  Imagine if you had no emotional strength, and someone showed you the Horrible Truth... What would you do?  You might very well surrender, say "fuck it", and go listen to Linkin Park.

The other direction is "that every moment is fraught with cosmic significance. This starts the other path... As you have probably already noticed, Life possesses a very slippery and wiggly characteristic in that it keeps on changing, growing and evolving. When we get caught... it becomes more difficult to remain in the present due to our attachment to the depth and intense significance of a particular moment."  In this instance, it seems that a lack of emotional conviction can make any moment the absolutely most important thing that has ever happened, ever.  And in a move that seems to justify the idea that a path between the two extremes might be the way to go (and also an oblique trip into Horrormirth), "things can only remain so serious up to a point, wherein... it turns silly. Hence... if something is True, then it is also Funny."

So, what he's saying is that both the Emo Nihilist and the Psycho Drama Queen stem from the same problem.  "Without an emotional bias, it becomes a struggle to stand ones own ground amidst other contradictory convictions and beliefs."  Appropriately enough, the odd agreement between Order and Disorder can be applied here: "Take away all limitations, boundaries and pressure... and you eliminate the need for freedom by replacing it with the need for First Grade shelter."  That is to say, if you don't have a strong set of emotions, or you're afraid to express them to assert your emotional territory, you're going to retreat and look for safety.  You can't ignore or abandon your emotional responses. 

[Kai]

Which, and I think you'll agree, has been a HUGE problem of mine. Maybe my biggest problem: setting boundaries, and avoiding both kinds of cosmic wimp out. Second circuit is "ego strength" and power, and having the canoots to stand up for yourself among other things.

So, that page on the Cosmic wimp out was probably the other most important part of AT for me.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

<i>Unfortunately, he doesn't really say where these inhibiting self-images come from, or what he actually means by personal freedom.</i>

I think, to some extent this isn't just fourth gear... Second gear has a lot of self-image in it as well.  http://www.lycaeum.org/beausoleil/8/6.html

The Hostile Strength / Hostile Weakness vs Friendly Strength / Friendly Weakness also seem to be self-images which can inhibit. If you think you're Top Dog, or if you think you're Bottom Dog, you're self-image will probably be modified accordingly.

Awesome work LMNO!

[LMNO]

Well, the images have to come from somewhere.  Since the Dog thing only occurs when interacting with other people, and AT seems Only introduce that in Fourth Gear, then while the images of self can be generated by the Second gear, the idea needs to start in Fourth.

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

The dog thing is second gear layered atop first, imprinting-wise, in Wilson's version (and probably Leary's).