Hopelessly Optimistic Advice for New People Who Won't Listen.

[Rumckle]

Don't any of you fuckers know what "among other things" means?


Stop swinging your e-penii.

I think that is good general advice to noobs, don't swing your e-penis too much.

[hooplala]

Also, some of the smacks to the mouth are good for you.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You are as good a writer as Sepia/Brennschluss, in my opinion. Your style and voice are radically different, which is a good thing. It would be a crying shame if everyone (or anyone) here tried to change their voice to sound like Sepia, because then there would be too damn much of that and it wouldn't be unique and interesting anymore.

And, frankly, it's a difficult style to read, so to pull it off you have to be damn good at it and what you're trying to convey has to work with it. 

Yes, it is a difficult read, but it's a style I happen to enjoy.  Imagine HP Lovecraft, if Lovecraft actually had something to say.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

You are as good a writer as Sepia/Brennschluss, in my opinion. Your style and voice are radically different, which is a good thing. It would be a crying shame if everyone (or anyone) here tried to change their voice to sound like Sepia, because then there would be too damn much of that and it wouldn't be unique and interesting anymore.

And, frankly, it's a difficult style to read, so to pull it off you have to be damn good at it and what you're trying to convey has to work with it. 

Yes, it is a difficult read, but it's a style I happen to enjoy.  Imagine HP Lovecraft, if Lovecraft actually had something to say.

Lovecraft had plenty to say to readers of pulp fiction. Good writing is all about context.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You are as good a writer as Sepia/Brennschluss, in my opinion. Your style and voice are radically different, which is a good thing. It would be a crying shame if everyone (or anyone) here tried to change their voice to sound like Sepia, because then there would be too damn much of that and it wouldn't be unique and interesting anymore.

And, frankly, it's a difficult style to read, so to pull it off you have to be damn good at it and what you're trying to convey has to work with it.  

Yes, it is a difficult read, but it's a style I happen to enjoy.  Imagine HP Lovecraft, if Lovecraft actually had something to say.

Lovecraft had plenty to say to readers of pulp fiction. Good writing is all about context.

Yeah, and it all ends with "indescribable horror".  HP Lovecraft was about as good at ending a story as RAW was...which is to say, he sucked at it.

[hooplala]

King is pretty bad with endings too.  "Everything BLOWED up good!!"

[Cain]

I thought the ending to The Mist was pretty good.  Well, in the film it was absolutely gut-wrenchingly brilliant, I haven't read the novella, but its certainly within his means.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

You are as good a writer as Sepia/Brennschluss, in my opinion. Your style and voice are radically different, which is a good thing. It would be a crying shame if everyone (or anyone) here tried to change their voice to sound like Sepia, because then there would be too damn much of that and it wouldn't be unique and interesting anymore.

And, frankly, it's a difficult style to read, so to pull it off you have to be damn good at it and what you're trying to convey has to work with it.  

Yes, it is a difficult read, but it's a style I happen to enjoy.  Imagine HP Lovecraft, if Lovecraft actually had something to say.

Lovecraft had plenty to say to readers of pulp fiction. Good writing is all about context.

Yeah, and it all ends with "indescribable horror".  HP Lovecraft was about as good at ending a story as RAW was...which is to say, he sucked at it.

I think thats a valid critique of some of his stuff, but Lovecraft wrote a huge number of stories and most of them have fine endings.

[Bu🤠ns]

Oh and brennschluss a.k.a. sepia tops the standard for prose, IMO.

I hate to be the bitch who says this because everyone wets their pants over Brennschluss, but no. He works in a certain mood and style, but he is not the best prose writer on this forum and I would be hesitant to identify anyone here, with all their disparate styles, as the "best". And aren't you basically telling noobs not to even try to write prose because they won't be as good as Sepia? No. No. No.

THIS.  Sepia is one hell of a writer, but that simply means he is the standard to exceed.  I can't, but I keep trying, which if nothing else improves my writing.

To be clear i didn't want to go and begin to compare writing styles...I happen to really enjoy his style ... so for clarity , Nigel, the i'll fix it....fixed.  I find his writing style enjoyable and i look forward to his material ... i also feel the same way about other posters here, Roger being another.  I'm not advocating that noobs should not write prose...but moreso wanted to point them in the direction of someone who I feel does do that quite well.  PD has a great assortment of people who are great writers and artists and...[insert list from first page]. My main thing with my post was to point out the difference between randomness for the sake of randomness and to use an example of someone who posts in an alternative way that works well. 

[Jenne]

Also, thanks to Rog's note about the "stiffy joke," everytime I see the word "spiffy" in this title, I don't think I see the P.

[Reginald Ret]

Noobs: A note on capitalist scallywags:

If you have come here to market your magic beans, repackaged RAW, or to try and sell PD a T-Shirt (that has not been designed by PD), or to attempt to entice the Discordian collective into parting with some $$'s.

FORGET IT.

There are several reasons why you should forget it, these being:

The denizens of PD.com are shit broke 99% of the time. Buying giant inflatable penis's, golden wellingtons and hand stitched cashmere mittens does not come cheap. You think we'll have any money left over for your shit?

Most people here are accomplished pirates. Payne himself has just returned from a tour of duty selling CDR's off the coast of Somalia. At least I think that's what he was doing. . .

We'd rather steal your stuff than pay for it. Fact.

No one here wants to buy into your philosophy, as they all have their individually hand crafted organically home grown ones. That tastes better than the store bought stuff too.

Well said.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

fucking spot on there BAI.

[Cain]

It might be better to use this thread for all sorts of suggestions, which can then be tied up into a single post.

Because trust me, I stopped reading this a page ago.  I'll try and put everything into a single post, later today.

[Eater of Clowns]

It might be better to use this thread for all sorts of suggestions, which can then be tied up into a single post.

Because trust me, I stopped reading this a page ago.  I'll try and put everything into a single post, later today.

I think it'd be awesome if every poster who wants to contribute can submit one piece of advice to noobs and have it all collected in one volume.

Rumckle says:  Don't swing your e-penis.

BAI says:  Don't try to sell us shit.

Except, you know, elaborate and stuff.

[Cramulus]

I agree with Cain. If this was the first thread I'd read on PD I never would have registered.

"Don't talk about physics, we're already smarter than you! And by the way, keep that collegeboy philosophy-talk in the classroom.
Get ready for a fight! We're going to rip you a new one, are you ready?"




maybe try talking about what we want the board to be like
and what we like discussing
instead of a long list of things we find shitty, and will find shitty again

I think all the don't don't don't don't don't
makes us sound like nitpicky pretentious fuckwits



ah well, here's my attempt

Welcome to the Principia Discordia forums.

It's hard to say much about this place because it contains both some of the brilliant and moust foul minds of all Discordia. We are a Discordian Society. Not THE Discordian Society!

If you stick around for long enough, you'll form an opinion of this board. This opinion varies based on what parts of the board you engage in. I'm talking about specifically what what vibes and energies you deal with. If you come in and tell everybody that they're doing it wrong, or that they should be acting differently, they're going to push back. But if you come in with creativity, flexibility, and humor, you'll generally have a good time.

If you find yourself having a bad time, it's a good idea to take a break, lurk the board some more, and find a new angle. If you post hostility, people will reciprocate it.

This board has been around for a long time. So there's certain behaviors we've seen over and over again. Here are a few notes that will keep you avoid falling into the turd cycle:

• There are certain things which have already been discussed to death. Use the search function.


• People here are very straight forward. If you post something people don't like, they will be very honest about it. Honest feedback is necessary for the creative process. Art, writing, ideas, meme bombs, mindfucks, all these things need to be discussed until they're polished kallisti gold. Sometimes this seems harsh. But it's necessary to keep the fluff down.


• Behaviors exhibited by a few individuals are not necessarily shared by the whole group of us. You may conclude that some of us are shitheads. This is fine. But as soon as you say "This board is full of shitheads!" you've lumped in a lot of innocent bystanders.


• The internet isn't really serious buisness. All of us are just words on a screen until you decide we're something more. We're as real as you let us be.

The best thing about this board, in my opinion, is that it's action oriented. This isn't a board where everybody just talks about big plans and never does them. There are lots of projects, pranks, and other shenanigans you can actually participate in. We've found that this board becomes extremely fun when everybody is doing each other's projects. This type of organization and action makes PD something more than just an internet forum.

We have a presence in many cities. We meet up in real life. People have flown all over the world to meet other Discordians they met via PD. I've made posters that people in over 10 countries have distributed. If there actually is a global Discordian society, this is one of them. This forum kicks ass in that way.

OMGASM, Intermittens, the Black Iron Prison, and many other big fun projects all grew out of this fertile soil. I've been to the edge of the internet, and I've never seen a meeting of minds anything like it. It also sucks balls sometimes, but hey, that's the human condition.