I like the WOMP idea. I'd leave the Intro and Attention Noobs thread stickied though. I notice a lot of people do read the latter, often when they sign right up, so it seems to be doing the job.
Unless someone wants to write a new, spiffy, updated for 2009 advice for noobs?
So... You did it, you finally did it you crazy bastard. You signed up to PD.com. Your life as you knew it is over. You will never be able to go to other forums without being called a troll (or feeling restricted so much by them that you actually just start trolling them anyway). Here are a few pointers to ease your way into our little community.
I have divided them into neat little sections like a Real Person. I hope you appreciate my effort.
The Essentials:
-Right, first off, you are going to be called n00b, assface, prison bitch, prolapse-in-waiting or whatever else the fuck we want to call you. You can get pissy about it if you want, but the smart ones seem to go for calling us humorous names in return (the operative word being
humorous).
- If you haven't already signed up, and are just lurking, then don't choose a retarded name. We've heard all the Discordian old standards already. You might make it if you call yourself "Emperor Norton Fnord Whiskey Sniffer" or some shit, but we'll still call you whatever we want and our perceptions of you will be somewhat tainted by your lack of originality.
-Which leads us to point two: Leave the pinealism at the door, unless you really DO have something new to share. We really have heard of the PD already, and that guy R.A.W. (He died, you know? Oh, you know already?)
-You know what, leave all the Dada, surrealist crap at the door too. Some of us really dig that shit, hell most of us do. The first time we see the shtick performed anyway.
-Sometimes, you will encounter aggravation of various forms. This is life, if you haven't learned to deal with it yet, then you shouldn't complain to us, you should complain to your parents or guardians for raising you so poorly. The best response is to act like a damn biped. On a related note, there is a custom among some of us to give you all some kind of leeway for the first 50 posts or so, to give you a chance to find your feet. This, it must be stressed, is NOT a rule and is not a license to be a douchebag. It's a guideline and anyone can break it if they want to for any or no reason.
-You have a right to say whatever retarded shit you want. You can't feel precious about that, because we have the right to be completely assholish back.
-Sometimes you may say something that we flame the fuck out of you for, but you wont know why. It's because you've unlocked one of the secret prizes! We have a lot of shorthand references to old jokes/trolls etc. It's nothing personal, we just like to keep these little land mines around. Usually, a bit of forum searching and research will reveal what it is we are responding to.
-Be yourself. I cannot stress this enough. Weird posting styles (all in rhyme, all in bold, replacing 'I' with 'J') are all well and good, but come across as completely retarded. You don't need to impress us, seriously.
-You may never find out what some of the acronyms stand for. PROTIP: There isn't a dictionary telling you what they stand for.
-Lastly, for all the idealism, we ARE still monkeys. We like to throw the poop too. This is after all a community of people, and communities are funny that way.
The "Rules":
-The only rules here are
-Don't do anything that will get the owners into legal trouble. If you don't know what this means, find out.
-All pornographic material must be linked and marked NSFW (Not Safe For Work). We don't want someone fired for some bullshit, do we?
-Outting ongoing troll activities.
There are a few other etiquette based things that you should just know anyway (spamming, thieving peoples work etc.) depending on circumstance you wont be banned for this, but it
will go very badly for you.
The Good Shit:
We have a lot of different projects and ideas flowing around. Some are dead for the moment, some are live'n'kicking, but it doesn't matter. If you have something to bring to it then have at it. We have some good shit around (The Black Iron Prison, Intermittens and the GASM projects to name a few). We appreciate originality and humour. If you can bring some intelligence, wit and skill to the mix you're sorted. Think for yourself, schmuck!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thoughts, edits etc. appreciated.
