Hey, LMNO...

[Ari]

You had me from the start, oh glorious spider!
Back then, I was just sticky with life and love
when I was spat right into your web.
You fed me.
You made me.
Pill by pill, day by day.
Always given choices, but never given the choice,

I am you.
You are me.

I now have your sticky strings all around me:
Which choked my heart into a loveless husk,
leaving apathy dripping where my tears once were.
Which left me staring blankly into the abyss,
waiting for nothing to happen.


And in the pale shimmer of the glowing box, late at night, in between empty pill bottles and a million of your brothers and sisters...

I scream.
Without a voice,
for you took my breath away a long time ago -- oh glorious spider,
I scream!

Struggling in vain I tear through the web we spun.
One of us has to end!
You or me.
You are me!

And so I die.
Cause I want to live, at last.


Now I hear you calling for me all the time.
Longing for us to be one again.

But it can't be, oh glorious spider,
never again.

Cause when you don't love.
And when you don't cry.
When you don't dare to live --
Then you just die.




edit for improvement of sorts
also: for everything else so far

[The Good Reverend Roger]

wut

[Golden Applesauce]

A ring at the door.  I taped a bicycle bell to my dorm door, so I get an actual ringing sound.

I answer it.

Hello, says the man at the door.  He has a simple green tee, khaki pants, and two pairs of goggles over two pairs of eyes.  Eight altogether.

Hi, I'm David, I say.  I have to say it.  If I say anything different the conversation goes all wrong and I'm back to no friends again.

Hello David, the man in the green shirt says.

Shit.  Back at the beginning of conversation.  Try a different tactic.

You've reached dorm 1C, how may I help you?, I say.  I worked at a call center a summer ago, so I switch to that web, hoping it will keep me stuck to the right path.

Aah, I thought we might encounter that, says the man in the green shirt.  He smiles.  His incisors are jointed, little grasping things.

Is there anything I can do for you?, I say.  Last shot on the customer service web, then I stop talking until I know what the fuck is going on.

No, no, he says.  Rather, there's something I can do for you, he says.

I stand and listen.

I had heard that your wrappings might be getting out of date, he says.  I can help you, he says.

I stand and listen and look at his eyes.  You can't have friends if you don't look at people's eyes while they talk.

A very advanced case.  Oh dear oh my, he says.  Didn't you feel them getting old and thin?  Patchy, almost no adhesive left, hardly enough to keep you from falling over?, he says.

I stand and listen and look at his eyes and balance the safety of closing the door against the likelyhood that this is an important person.

Ehem, he says.  He doesn't clear his throat, just says the sound.  Possibly he doesn't have a throat? Curious.

Are your cognitive and sociocultural heuristics sufficiently well-formed to dictate your behaviors, enabling you to free neural resources from decision making tasks and reallocate them to processes of high utilities, such as participating in normative cultural events?, he says.

Why don't people say what the mean at the beginning?.  Would have saved a lot of panicking.

Yes, I say.

Aha!, he says.  I can help you with that, that's what I'm here for.  Tell me, have you heard of new Silk®?, he says.

No, I say.

Let me tell you all about it!  Silk® is a service superficially similar to the standard culture-web everyone uses.  However, Silk® has several advantages.  A full suit weighs only a fraction of an equivalent coverage of standard web.  All the same benefits, but without the hassle and inconvenience.

He is smiling now, meaning that he is happy to be talking about Silk®.  I am smiling too, because I want to let him know that I am happy that I know what to say.

People have tried to get me in webs before.  I have developed a technique to keep me safe from the webs.  I can use my system and I can finish the conversation without having to close the door on him, which might make him angry.  You can't have friends if you make people angry.

I don't like wearing a web, I tell him.

Webs are to heavy, I say.  I have trouble breathing while I'm wearing a web, I say.  It gets in through my ears and sticks up my brain, I say.

But Silk® is light!, he says.  You won't have any of those problems with Silk®.  Silk® is 275% stronger than a black iron bar but has only one thousandth the weight.  Silk® won't get in your way at all!, he says.

I don't like having to use the television to keep the web strong, I say.  All the programming is the same and none of it is ever any good, I say.

Again, not a problem!, he says.  Silk® can be maintained through any telecommunications portal at all!  Why, with a complementary internet connection, you can access the collective works of nearly six billion other customers.  With so much more to choose from, there's no way you'll be unsatisfied.  If the group norms don't satisfy you 100%, you can simply find a subgroup with norms more to your liking!, he says.

Webs make it hard to think, I say.  I have trouble thinking anything that's not already in the web, and I do a lot of writing and programming and science and engineering so I need to be able to think of new things, I say.

Completely manageable!, he says.  Silk® automatically connects you to every other customer!  You won't need to think of anything new; with almost six billion customers, someone will already have thought of it.  No more wasted hours trying to figure out the best algorithm or the best way to phrase a sentence - someone else has already had that problem and solved it for you!  No more wasted hours developing a properly controlled experiment or a failsafe device - our Silk® network already knows which assumptions are safe, and nearly six billion customers can't all be wrong, can they!, he says.  He laughs because it is silly to think of nearly six billion customers all being wrong about something.

Okay, I say.  This web doesn't sound very bad at all.

---

ETA: If anyone thinks this is worth including in the published collection, go for it!  I can even go back and do a second draft of it if you want.

[Golden Applesauce]

Things have been better since I stopped getting pills from the spiders.  I used to get Prozac, 30mg daily, in one-and-a-half pills because my spider only had 20mg pills instead of 10mg or 30mg.  But the spiders heard our crying, heard how we didn't like them in our brains.  The heard our pleas and in their benevolence, they listened and granted their wish.

Now, we can give ourselves anything we want.  Ethanol and THC are popular just about everywhere, but opiates and psychedelics have their fans as well, and everybody does caffeine - it even comes with sugar!

My drug of choice?  Fluoxetine, 3 hundredths of a gram daily, in one-and-a-half pills because that's the only size pill my street dealers have.

[Golden Applesauce]

Also, when you put real content into an ATTN: <username> style post, I tend not to notice it because I assume it's just AppleTalk drivel.

[LMNO]

Hush, my darlings.  We can see you are upset, and that's ok.  But you know too much stress is bad for you.  Our doctors said so, just the other day.

So sit down, and try to calm down.  It won't help matters any if you get yourself all riled up, will it?  Shhh.  Relax.  We'll take care of everything.  Just sit right there, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.  That's right.  Let us help you.  We know how upsetting life can be, and we're here to help.  We can get you through your day with a minimum of fuss.  Just leave it to us.

Can we get you a drink?  Sure, you just stay there, and we'll be right back.  Feel free to watch the TV if you'd like.  We always keep it on, for background ambience if you will.  Yes, that's one of our favorites, too.  Here we are.  No, don't get up.  Just sit there, take your shoes off, and forget about the troubles of your day.

We know, life can be so unfair.  Let us help you forget all that.  We can show you fabulous things, right in your own home; brightly colored, flashy things, you take your mind off of your difficult and painful day.  We don't want you to hurt anymore.  Not now.  Now is you time, time to loosen that tie, maybe even unbutton your pants, perhaps even-- well, we promise to look away if The Girls Next Door becomes too exciting.

See, don't you feel better already?  It's as if the day never happened at all.  And with our help, you can experience the best, most glamorous parts of life without ever leaving your comfortable, soft couch.  Shhh.  Relax, my darlings.  Let the empty glass slip from your fingers.  Let us tuck you in...




































WAKE UP.  BACK TO WORK.  YOU WILL BE LATE.

See you when you get home, my darling.

[Kai]

The above is creepy as fuck.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Also, when you put real content into an ATTN: <username> style post, I tend not to notice it because I assume it's just AppleTalk drivel.

That's because this didn't start out as content, but as a letter to LMNO.  It just sorta turned into content later.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The above is creepy as fuck.

Because it's true.

[Jenne]

Hush, my darlings.  We can see you are upset, and that's ok.  But you know too much stress is bad for you.  Our doctors said so, just the other day.

So sit down, and try to calm down.  It won't help matters any if you get yourself all riled up, will it?  Shhh.  Relax.  We'll take care of everything.  Just sit right there, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.  That's right.  Let us help you.  We know how upsetting life can be, and we're here to help.  We can get you through your day with a minimum of fuss.  Just leave it to us.

Can we get you a drink?  Sure, you just stay there, and we'll be right back.  Feel free to watch the TV if you'd like.  We always keep it on, for background ambience if you will.  Yes, that's one of our favorites, too.  Here we are.  No, don't get up.  Just sit there, take your shoes off, and forget about the troubles of your day.

We know, life can be so unfair.  Let us help you forget all that.  We can show you fabulous things, right in your own home; brightly colored, flashy things, you take your mind off of your difficult and painful day.  We don't want you to hurt anymore.  Not now.  Now is you time, time to loosen that tie, maybe even unbutton your pants, perhaps even-- well, we promise to look away if The Girls Next Door becomes too exciting.

See, don't you feel better already?  It's as if the day never happened at all.  And with our help, you can experience the best, most glamorous parts of life without ever leaving your comfortable, soft couch.  Shhh.  Relax, my darlings.  Let the empty glass slip from your fingers.  Let us tuck you in...




































WAKE UP.  BACK TO WORK.  YOU WILL BE LATE.

See you when you get home, my darling.

  Reminds me of the "Who Are We" bit.

[LMNO]

Ok, I think we should wrap this one up, and add the remaining bits to that scribd document (which, by the way, looks awesome).



Thanks to everyone for playing along, and special thanks to TGRR for kicking the first rock off the cliff so the avalanche could happen in the first place.



Oh, and thanks to the Spiders and their Pills©.

[Kai]

Hush, my darlings.  We can see you are upset, and that's ok.  But you know too much stress is bad for you.  Our doctors said so, just the other day.

So sit down, and try to calm down.  It won't help matters any if you get yourself all riled up, will it?  Shhh.  Relax.  We'll take care of everything.  Just sit right there, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.  That's right.  Let us help you.  We know how upsetting life can be, and we're here to help.  We can get you through your day with a minimum of fuss.  Just leave it to us.

Can we get you a drink?  Sure, you just stay there, and we'll be right back.  Feel free to watch the TV if you'd like.  We always keep it on, for background ambience if you will.  Yes, that's one of our favorites, too.  Here we are.  No, don't get up.  Just sit there, take your shoes off, and forget about the troubles of your day.

We know, life can be so unfair.  Let us help you forget all that.  We can show you fabulous things, right in your own home; brightly colored, flashy things, you take your mind off of your difficult and painful day.  We don't want you to hurt anymore.  Not now.  Now is you time, time to loosen that tie, maybe even unbutton your pants, perhaps even-- well, we promise to look away if The Girls Next Door becomes too exciting.

See, don't you feel better already?  It's as if the day never happened at all.  And with our help, you can experience the best, most glamorous parts of life without ever leaving your comfortable, soft couch.  Shhh.  Relax, my darlings.  Let the empty glass slip from your fingers.  Let us tuck you in...




































WAKE UP.  BACK TO WORK.  YOU WILL BE LATE.

See you when you get home, my darling.

  Reminds me of the "Who Are We" bit.

Who are we? We're the Happy People. People touching people. People rubbing against people. People developing the first strike nuclear capability to incinerate people. Think its a flash in the pan?


I forget the rest.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Face down in the street. Wet pavement against my cheek. Something pressing me down, something heavy and cold keeping me off my feet. Where's the web? Why isn't it keeping me warm and safe? I struggle to turn my head and see nothing but gray, pinning me, slick, cold and impenetrable. The web that was supposed to hold me up is pinning me to the ground like a smothering blanket, but cold, so cold. I did what the spiders wanted, I did everything I was supposed to do, bought everything I was supposed to buy, went to work every day and never questioned what I wasn't supposed to question. I voted dutifully, I used my credit cards, I watched the glowing box after work and on weekends like a good citizen, but somehow even doing everything right was not good enough and I lost my job and I lost my house my car my wife my comfortable position on the sofa the suburbs

I try to push it off me but the web is implacable. I notice that my limbs have turned to claws, pointy crablegs digging my position into the asphalt, and I scuttle off in search of scraps.

[LMNO]

Oooh, nice ending line.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Thanks!