I live in a world where I believe smoking a cigarette (a stimulant) relaxes me. I harbour a desire for a relationship I could have had, once, believing that it would be perfect now. I can feel in my bones that I am special - above all the rest of the people that populate my world. Only fate has stopped me from being recognised for it.
I live in a world where achievement is subject to a law of diminishing returns. To keep the same pace of success requires ever greater effort. Eventually, getting out of bed in the morning will be a victory. I idolise and despise victims in equal measure because I am a victim myself. I too have been ground down by a world that refuses to see me, but I'm better than those other victims because I know how much effort I put into each and every success.
I love my illusions. I love everything about them. I hated them to begin with because they were made by those "others", but I tailored them to fit me (another success! Seriously, you should read my C.V. sometime, it's a catalogue of unrecognised genius and heroism). I have total control over that which controls me, honest.
My opinions are the only ones that matter. That really matter. I like a bit of variation, but I block out everything that is too far removed from my own ideas. Far easier to label them immediately and file that shit away than to argue it down. I know I'm right already, and that this opposition is merely the "others" trying to break me down again. It's easier to continue watching TV shows that agree with me, and reading authors that say what I want them to say (I'd rather read myself, of course, but those lucky bastards got published despite being obviously inferior).
If only it wasn't so difficult to gain my successes. To gain that inspirational spark. To seize back my potential from those who oppose me. Come the day I am recognised for what I really am, I will grind the "others" faces in my previous indignities. All I have to do is wait here to be discovered...
