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Confessions of an Undiscovered Hero

Started by Payne, September 25, 2009, 11:26:55 PM

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Payne

I live in a world where I believe smoking a cigarette (a stimulant) relaxes me. I harbour a desire for a relationship I could have had, once, believing that it would be perfect now. I can feel in my bones that I am special - above all the rest of the people that populate my world. Only fate has stopped me from being recognised for it.

I live in a world where achievement is subject to a law of diminishing returns. To keep the same pace of success requires ever greater effort. Eventually, getting out of bed in the morning will be a victory. I idolise and despise victims in equal measure because I am a victim myself. I too have been ground down by a world that refuses to see me, but I'm better than those other victims because I know how much effort I put into each and every success.

I love my illusions. I love everything about them. I hated them to begin with because they were made by those "others", but I tailored them to fit me (another success! Seriously, you should read my C.V. sometime, it's a catalogue of unrecognised genius and heroism). I have total control over that which controls me, honest.

My opinions are the only ones that matter. That really matter. I like a bit of variation, but I block out everything that is too far removed from my own ideas. Far easier to label them immediately and file that shit away than to argue it down. I know I'm right already, and that this opposition is merely the "others" trying to break me down again. It's easier to continue watching TV shows that agree with me, and reading authors that say what I want them to say (I'd rather read myself, of course, but those lucky bastards got published despite being obviously inferior).

If only it wasn't so difficult to gain my successes. To gain that inspirational spark. To seize back my potential from those who oppose me. Come the day I am recognised for what I really am, I will grind the "others" faces in my previous indignities. All I have to do is wait here to be discovered...

Pope Pixie Pickle


The Good Reverend Roger

Nice.  Most people think that way.  Even us.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

Shhhh. Relax. Let the spiders do their work.

Everything will be fine in the mornng.

The Johnny


I think its called self delusional narcissism.
<<My image in some places, is of a monster of some kind who wants to pull a string and manipulate people. Nothing could be further from the truth. People are manipulated; I just want them to be manipulated more effectively.>>

-B.F. Skinner

Payne

I think someone might have missed the point a little.

Captain Utopia

It could be worse, you could get a little of the limelight, and then your problems would really start. This keeps going through my mind whenever I see this thread now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jv6mEv_rDdE (Bowie on Extras)

Jenne

:mittens:  Aw, Payne...self-reflection is a serious ride into sad-dom.  But damn it makes for some awesome writing.

Payne

To be clear. This is NOT actually about me. It's written in the first person, but it's not actually what I myself am thinking or feeling.

:crankey:

Pope Pixie Pickle


Captain Utopia

Quote from: Payne on September 26, 2009, 01:36:56 PM
To be clear. This is NOT actually about me. It's written in the first person, but it's not actually what I myself am thinking or feeling.

:crankey:
So you're saying that it's about "a friend" or something?

Payne

Quote from: fictionpuss on September 26, 2009, 03:29:56 PM
Quote from: Payne on September 26, 2009, 01:36:56 PM
To be clear. This is NOT actually about me. It's written in the first person, but it's not actually what I myself am thinking or feeling.

:crankey:
So you're saying that it's about "a friend" or something?

No, I'm saying it's about someone unspecific. I tried to write it as "he lives..." and "we live..." etc, none of them worked, so I went with the "Attn: LMNO" thread style and made it first person. It's not about me or anyone I know.

Cain

No Payne, every artist who ever uses the first person must necessarily be referring to events in their own life!

I liked it, by the way.  The "I could've been a contender" attitude, when mixed with laziness and disdain for others, is especially toxic and prevalent, in my opinion.

Payne

Quote from: Cain on September 26, 2009, 04:18:01 PM
No Payne, every artist who ever uses the first person must necessarily be referring to events in their own life!

I liked it, by the way.  The "I could've been a contender" attitude, when mixed with laziness and disdain for others, is especially toxic and prevalent, in my opinion.

Of course, I was just Doing It Wrong. I should have made the lead character English, and have him be punched in the face CONSTANTLY, so that fictionpuss would have something to relate to.

Captain Utopia

Quote from: Payne on September 26, 2009, 04:11:37 PM
Quote from: fictionpuss on September 26, 2009, 03:29:56 PM
Quote from: Payne on September 26, 2009, 01:36:56 PM
To be clear. This is NOT actually about me. It's written in the first person, but it's not actually what I myself am thinking or feeling.

:crankey:
So you're saying that it's about "a friend" or something?

No, I'm saying it's about someone unspecific. I tried to write it as "he lives..." and "we live..." etc, none of them worked, so I went with the "Attn: LMNO" thread style and made it first person. It's not about me or anyone I know.
I know - I really liked this piece. Your insecurity about the first-person was just too delicious to ignore though.