Richter, I've given this a lot of thought, and...

[The Good Reverend Roger]

...you should put real steel in your SCA weapon.  Just kind of wrap some rebar in padding, instead of rittan.  Don't tell anyone until it's too late.

Now, you may be asking yourself, "why would Roger say such a horrible thing?"...Or perhaps you've already figured it out.  My guess is that there's a bunch of people between you and the regional throne, and the best way to the top is over the broken and bleeding bodies of those who stand in your way.  Just like the good old days.

I mean, there's a lot to be said for being King.  You get the best tent-space at events, you get to listen to people snivel about why they should be knighted, and then you get to not knight them, thus ruining their dreams and running them out into the wilderness where they will be forced to become furries.

And then there's the women.  Kings get ALL the chicks.  And a little Prima Nocta never hurt anyone, right?  And, judging from SCA events I attended in the 80s, you will be raising the quality of the genetic material involved by several orders of magnitude.

You'd better get started, before anyone else comes up with this idea.  After all, do you REALLY want someone ELSE to show up with a 3' chunk of rebar and start flogging you with it, while you are left with nothing but a piece of wood that will turn to powder the first time you try to parry his berserk attacks?

No, no, you'd better get in on the ground floor of this one.

Okay for now,
Your Spiritual Adviser,
Roger.

[Suu]

They're doing cut and thrust now. It's the love child of rapier and rattan...essentially, the fighting form hitting full contact with live steel in armor, that's what.

...naturally the East Kingdom has yet to endorse it fully. So we've been going over the Fechtbuch I.33 a lot lately working on our sword and buckler technique, and the other night when our household when to go play with the big dogs, they were a little frightened of us.

[Darth Cupcake]

I totally endorse Roger's idea.

Shit, I'd even consider joining the SCA if Richter were king. I assume Suu would also be in some position of power at that point, and I'd just sit back and revel in the ensuing hilarity.

[Suu]

I'm getting close to my positions of power. Herbert has no drive to win crown...General Stuart, however, does.

Also, I should be getting my Award of Arms sometime within the next few months (which I'm not supposed to know about). I'm going to push for a Grant of Arms (Upgrade from Lady to Court Baroness) in the next year or so because I want a fucking coronet, damnit, it's going to be party time...and when I get my Laurel...Oh yes...bwuahahahahahaa....

-Suu
Is neglecting the 501st for a reason.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I totally endorse Roger's idea.

Shit, I'd even consider joining the SCA if Richter were king. I assume Suu would also be in some position of power at that point, and I'd just sit back and revel in the ensuing hilarity.

If Richter becomes King, or Suu becomes Queen, I am totally relocating.

TGRR,
The next Thomas A'Beckett (Who will rid me of this turbulent spag?)

[Darth Cupcake]

I totally endorse Roger's idea.

Shit, I'd even consider joining the SCA if Richter were king. I assume Suu would also be in some position of power at that point, and I'd just sit back and revel in the ensuing hilarity.

If Richter becomes King, or Suu becomes Queen, I am totally relocating.

TGRR,
The next Thomas A'Beckett (Who will rid me of this turbulent spag?)

THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN NOW

I want to watch TGRR drunk and in chain maile, beating the shit out of random people and shitting hate so hard he becomes incoherent.

Spittle EVERYWHERE.

A veritable fucking HATE SPITTLE TSUNAMI.

[Suu]

I totally endorse Roger's idea.

Shit, I'd even consider joining the SCA if Richter were king. I assume Suu would also be in some position of power at that point, and I'd just sit back and revel in the ensuing hilarity.

If Richter becomes King, or Suu becomes Queen, I am totally relocating.

TGRR,
The next Thomas A'Beckett (Who will rid me of this turbulent spag?)

It'll be a short move. We're only wearing the gold coronets for 6 months.

Though I have a feeling what will happen is that a few years from now, Richter, General Stuart, Colonel Voelker, Herbert, and the rest of the current late-20 somethings will be fighting in Crown Tournament, and a good chunk of them will put my name down for consort except for Herbert, who'd pick some random 18 year old with boobs that weigh more alone than my entire body. So I have a better chance of being queen then the rest of the spags have of being king...because I'm that politically devious. In fact, my goal is to be Duchess Suu (queen twice or more) before Herbert can even call himself Count (king once).

[Richter]

GODDAMIT Roger, you're RIGHT.

Regardless of skill / potential, with an equalizer like that, it wouldn't be a problem.  Winning crown would less of a problem if half the people likely to compete just to take me out have season - ending injuries from warm up bouts.

As far as BEING king, the figurehead BS that goes on needs a bit of a revision.  It's been YEARS since some young hot stick just went about messing things up.  I'm thinking it's time they had another EMPEROR, or WARLORD.  Of course, I will be a fair and equitable barbarian, I ask only dying loyalty and exclusive breeding rights.  

Of course, by right of the horde, none shall usurp, question, or contradict my authority, or they will meet my steel endowed doom-stick.  My loaded sword shall be the thing of legends.  I will call it SHITFUCKDAMN, after the sound people make when it hits their tender skeletons.  My other loaded tool shall perpetrate Genghis Khan levels of genetic influence.  Better than leaving it up to chance.  I'll need an academy set up for the little buggers, training until they grow up enough to challenge me to a fight to the death for my Empire.

This will piss the FUCK out of corporate, so if I do it right, I'll be the last king too.  
Granted, at war, the thrill of fighting an ACTUAL Evil Overlord will certainly attract the greatest army to me.  

After that I may well annex a state or so for laughs.  We'll need the space, since Im going to make Wal-mart shoppers legal siege weapon ammo for practice melees.  

I'll need someone to provide spiritual advice and assassination attempts, can I contact you once I'm sure they won't carpet bomb me upon coronation?  

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Richter, it occurs to me that a swarm of SCA spags armed with real weapons is the ONE THING the US Government is not prepared to deal with.

They'll never see it coming.  Plus, you could use teabaggers as kerns.  They're dense as fuck, they'd go for it.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

and a good chunk of them will put my name down for consort except for Herbert, who'd pick some random 18 year old with boobs that weigh more alone than my entire body.

I've been wondering about something concerning the lad...

Aren't you supposed to wait til you're 40 or so to have a midlife crisis?

[Darth Cupcake]

some young hot stick

my steel endowed doom-stick

My other loaded tool

[Suu]

Lucan disrupted the FUCK out of the East when he won at 19, that's for sure.

Also, General Stuart said that he wants the title Generalissimo rather than king, so he can run it more like a huge ass military outfit rather than an imperium.

[Richter]

Richter, it occurs to me that a swarm of SCA spags armed with real weapons is the ONE THING the US Government is not prepared to deal with.

They'll never see it coming.  Plus, you could use teabaggers as kerns.  They're dense as fuck, they'd go for it.

Dick Cheney and the FBI were both concerned about that fact.  
Technically the SCA has the world's largest private standing army, but it'd be a small miracle to get all the groups working together

[Richter]

some young hot stick

my steel endowed doom-stick

My other loaded tool

Overlord "The Other Hammer is my penis"  Richter

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Dick Cheney and the FBI were both concerned about that fact.  

What?   Nooooooooooooooooooooo!  That's TOO funny!