A list of obvious things.

[Halfbaked1]

I'm a rapist?  You mean I shoulda been raping all those women that shot me down?  I missed a memo damnit, I call a do over!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm a rapist?  You mean I shoulda been raping all those women that shot me down?  I missed a memo damnit, I call a do over!

We all default to rape, in the end.

Or maybe that's just me.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

(Ha ha, I made a buttsex joke!)

[Triple Zero]

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

What's next, telling me I should not clean my sheets during darkroom orgies either?

I always get that shit mixed up.

Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault.
Consider telling them you plan to assault them.
If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

Fuck that, why do I always have to show the initiative?
For instance, they could simply wear a T-Shirt PLEASE DONT RAEP ME in order to be clear on these matters.
I really hate it when they pretend to be a caring friend, and then they do that last-minute pepperspray thing to get their point across.´

Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

What about trees?

How do you tell if they're awake? Is it a seasonal thing?

Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

I would, but I'm worried they'd bite it off, you know?

[Kai]

I"d like to offer an alternative list for TROOF about monkeys.


Whereas humans are simians that often act on base impulses and hurt other people, and

whereas the majority of human relations is power games meant to assert dominance in some manner, and

whereas neither of these traits seem to have any specificity, they are ubiquitous,

therefore, the following suggestions:

1. Be Prepared - Crazy prepared if possible (cf. Richter). Have the right tools for the right situation. If a can of pepper spray suits your situation then have one. A person should be dependent upon their own items, skills and abilities whenever possible, and not rely on someone else, because who knows when they will actually come through?

2. Watch your back - Simians have the tendency to turn any situation into a bad one. Be responsible, look out for these situations coming. Take martial arts or self defense, or at least know where the vulnerable points on a human body are located. Learn to read your surroundings, have constant awareness of whats going on around you, especially in situations where you are the sole person watching your back. Learn to read people and their reactions.

3. Don't compromise your intuition - Alcohol is great but it muddles the mind. Don't drink or take substances in situations you are not completely confident of your abilities and are not surrounded by people you trust. It's far too easy to make mistakes of judgment and end up in a bad way because humans suck and will take advantage of your disadvantage. Just sayin.

4. Have friends watch your back - Only be friends with people you can really trust, and let everyone else be merely acquaintance. Telling the difference comes with experience. A friend will drag you out of a bad situation when you are unable to do it yourself. Walk in groups whenever possible, because simians go after the loner. Conversely, don't follow this suggestion to failure on the other suggestions.

5. Watch your friends backs - Because this is the sort of thing friends do. Furthermore, it builds trust with them so they are more likely to watch your back when needed.

[That One Guy]

I"d like to offer an alternative list for TROOF about monkeys.


Whereas humans are simians that often act on base impulses and hurt other people, and

whereas the majority of human relations is power games meant to assert dominance in some manner, and

whereas neither of these traits seem to have any specificity, they are ubiquitous,

therefore, the following suggestions:

1. Be Prepared - Crazy prepared if possible (cf. Richter). Have the right tools for the right situation. If a can of pepper spray suits your situation then have one. A person should be dependent upon their own items, skills and abilities whenever possible, and not rely on someone else, because who knows when they will actually come through?

2. Watch your back - Simians have the tendency to turn any situation into a bad one. Be responsible, look out for these situations coming. Take martial arts or self defense, or at least know where the vulnerable points on a human body are located. Learn to read your surroundings, have constant awareness of whats going on around you, especially in situations where you are the sole person watching your back. Learn to read people and their reactions.

3. Don't compromise your intuition - Alcohol is great but it muddles the mind. Don't drink or take substances in situations you are not completely confident of your abilities and are not surrounded by people you trust. It's far too easy to make mistakes of judgment and end up in a bad way because humans suck and will take advantage of your disadvantage. Just sayin.

4. Have friends watch your back - Only be friends with people you can really trust, and let everyone else be merely acquaintance. Telling the difference comes with experience. A friend will drag you out of a bad situation when you are unable to do it yourself. Walk in groups whenever possible, because simians go after the loner. Conversely, don't follow this suggestion to failure on the other suggestions.

5. Watch your friends backs - Because this is the sort of thing friends do. Furthermore, it builds trust with them so they are more likely to watch your back when needed.

and

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I"d like to offer an alternative list for TROOF about monkeys.


Whereas humans are simians that often act on base impulses and hurt other people, and

whereas the majority of human relations is power games meant to assert dominance in some manner, and

whereas neither of these traits seem to have any specificity, they are ubiquitous,

therefore, the following suggestions:

1. Be Prepared - Crazy prepared if possible (cf. Richter). Have the right tools for the right situation. If a can of pepper spray suits your situation then have one. A person should be dependent upon their own items, skills and abilities whenever possible, and not rely on someone else, because who knows when they will actually come through?

2. Watch your back - Simians have the tendency to turn any situation into a bad one. Be responsible, look out for these situations coming. Take martial arts or self defense, or at least know where the vulnerable points on a human body are located. Learn to read your surroundings, have constant awareness of whats going on around you, especially in situations where you are the sole person watching your back. Learn to read people and their reactions.

3. Don't compromise your intuition - Alcohol is great but it muddles the mind. Don't drink or take substances in situations you are not completely confident of your abilities and are not surrounded by people you trust. It's far too easy to make mistakes of judgment and end up in a bad way because humans suck and will take advantage of your disadvantage. Just sayin.

4. Have friends watch your back - Only be friends with people you can really trust, and let everyone else be merely acquaintance. Telling the difference comes with experience. A friend will drag you out of a bad situation when you are unable to do it yourself. Walk in groups whenever possible, because simians go after the loner. Conversely, don't follow this suggestion to failure on the other suggestions.

5. Watch your friends backs - Because this is the sort of thing friends do. Furthermore, it builds trust with them so they are more likely to watch your back when needed.

And ALWAYS be ready to kick a motherfucker in tha nads.

[Kai]

Being in the mood right now, I sorta want to punch the OP in the face for assuming everyone has this primal urge to assault who ever happens to be closest, like some sort of sociopathic tourettes. "Assault someone on accident"? "If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people"? Are we REALLY stuck in a pre-industrial idiocy where people (but I know you meant men, Terrorista) can't be faulted for just running up and raping and assaulting people in broad daylight because we're just MADE like that, like "Oh shit man, I'm getting the rape impulse on that girl overthere, quick BLOW THE WISTLE!" This sort of stupidity passes on stereotypes and actually ENABLES people to act like that, because "like man I just can't help assaulting people, it just happens and before you know it I'm raping some girl on the sidewalk" is the most stupid fucking excuse ever.

Also, this:

Always be honest with people! Don't pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don't communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

Is one of the most fucked up things I have ever heard. "Lets sit around and talk about how I want to assault and rape you!" Also: "You aren't planning on raping me so that makes you a caring friend!" 

Lets reword this:

Always be honest with people! Don't pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to have sex with. Consider telling them about your sexual inclinations. If you don't communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you are /not/ interested in having sex with them.

Better. In fact, I think this whole thing is a troll.

[LMNO]

It appears to me as badly written satire.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

It appears to me as badly written satire.

Even odds it's real.  Brownmiller never died.

[Cain]

I'm surprised fictionpuss hasn't already approved these to counter PD.com's pro-abuse memebombs

/snark

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm surprised fictionpuss hasn't already approved these to counter PD.com's pro-abuse memebombs

/snark

Now, now.  He's getting better.  I think the lad has potential.

[Rumckle]

Being in the mood right now, I sorta want to punch the OP in the face for assuming everyone has this primal urge to assault who ever happens to be closest, like some sort of sociopathic tourettes.

I'm assuming you mean the sight it was posted on, I think La Terrorista was just pointing out how stupid it is.

That said, a hot lady walked into the elevator today, and I was just about to assault her when I remembered this post, and realised that I probably shouldn't assault strangers in elevators.

[Cain]

I'm surprised fictionpuss hasn't already approved these to counter PD.com's pro-abuse memebombs

/snark

Now, now.  He's getting better.  I think the lad has potential.

Oh, he does, for sure.

But you, I and everyone reading this thread was thinking it.  I was going to burst if someone didn't say it.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm surprised fictionpuss hasn't already approved these to counter PD.com's pro-abuse memebombs

/snark

Now, now.  He's getting better.  I think the lad has potential.

Oh, he does, for sure.

But you, I and everyone reading this thread was thinking it.  I was going to burst if someone didn't say it.

I was simply obeying my new oath to stop abusing noobs.

Is he still a noob?  I think so.  But, again, he's improving.