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Dear Uncle Roger

Started by Sir Squid Diddimus, October 20, 2009, 08:01:57 AM

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Sir Squid Diddimus

October 20, 2009, 08:01:57 AM
I was going to write you a letter, but I haven't any time.

I was going to jot it down on some paper at work but my fingers aren't allowed to stop typing. Eyes fixed and dilated staring at numbers, typing typing numbers, item after item, check after check numbers numbers numbers type type type.
Mustn't slow down, mustn't let up. I am not allowed to leave till each piece of paper is encoded, balanced and wrapped up to be unwrapped later by some other machine who isn't allowed to leave until each piece of paper is handled in whatever way they're supposed to handle it.

I was going write at home, but I can't find a moment to myself. Buuuzz, bing bong, hey honey, ring ring, bleep bleep bleep, bing bong, hey mom, meow, ring ring, bing bong, meow, crash, buzz, bleep bleep bleep, mom where's my fur gun crayon tv boot hat......

I was going to write you while in line at the store but the half toothless smelly man with greasy hair and flies kept going on about how he liked my boots and got louder and louder the longer I ignored him till I gave him a snarl and a stare that burned a hole in his forehead till black oil drizzled out and he left me alone so I could pay for my crap and leave.

I stood up on my roof to scream it out for the wind to carry to you but when I opened my mouth there was nothing but silence... and then bees. Bees that shot out with force my friend, force that jammed them into the trees stinger first. The ones that made it past the trees I never saw again. But silence.

So you see, I was going to write you a letter, but I haven't any time.

LMNO

#1
October 20, 2009, 01:21:04 PM
Right the fuck on.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#2
October 20, 2009, 02:45:18 PM
:mittens:

more later.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Dysfunctional Cunt

#3
October 20, 2009, 02:50:05 PM
Damn, wow.  That was awesome Squid!

:mittens:

The Good Reverend Roger

#4
October 20, 2009, 03:17:31 PM
Dear Squid,

I was going to write you back, but the monkeys got busy and sis was in and out, and everyone's in the club car, nobody's driving the train.  I tried to write it while I was driving, but the monkeys kept doing stupid things, and it was all I could do to stay alive.

I tried to write you in my sleep, but the pills had kicked in, and instead I spent all night fleeing from swarms of giant carniverous cockroaches.  They all had Geithner's face, and they kept trying to steal from my children.

I tried to write you this morning, but the monkeys...they dance again.  There's no hope.  I'll never get this written, I'll be standing in the chute with all the other monkeys, trying to ignore the horrible noise ahead.  But I have coffee, and this haze of pill-induced hangover.

Love,
Your Dirty Old Uncle Roger
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Jenne

#5
October 20, 2009, 03:18:06 PM
:mittens:  GREAT FREAD!

Sir Squid Diddimus

#6
October 20, 2009, 05:04:49 PM
Dear Uncle Roger,
   I'll try to telephone you later, if I can find a moment of peace.
Every time I pick the damn thing up I feel them crawl up my legs and onto my shoulders. Asking questions, making noises, talking babble, endless babble. Ticks and fleas they seem like but less bitey and more chatty.
   One was asking about the cereal in the kitchen and do we really know what's in it. Another kept repeating "status quo", over and over. So I'll try to telephone you later, if I can find a moment of peace. But for now I--

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
October 20, 2009, 05:13:45 PM
Ah, the cellphone, bringer of misery and annoyance.  It is truly a ball and chain, but we're addicted to the fucking things, aren't we?

I left my cellphones at home last month, and I was in a panic all day.  Then two weeks ago, I fed my work cell into the hydraulic press, and I felt free...FREE...until the rotten bastards in the front office issued me a new one two hours later, shaking their heads at "that crazy bastard in the maintenance department".

I'll show them crazy, Squid.  My wrath.  It grows.

Venomously yours,
Dirty Old Uncle Roger.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Sir Squid Diddimus

#8
October 20, 2009, 05:19:17 PM
Hydraulic press-- that's fucking brilliant, sir.
I think I've found a way to get rid of these pesky insects crawling around on my head...

LMNO

#9
October 20, 2009, 05:20:02 PM
SHAVE YOUR HEAD AND GRAB AN ICEPICK!

The Good Reverend Roger

#10
October 20, 2009, 05:32:18 PM
Quote from: Squid on October 20, 2009, 05:19:17 PM
Hydraulic press-- that's fucking brilliant, sir.
I think I've found a way to get rid of these pesky insects crawling around on my head...

OSHA training film waiting to happen, ITT.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#11
October 20, 2009, 05:32:44 PM
Quote from: LMNO on October 20, 2009, 05:20:02 PM
SHAVE YOUR HEAD AND GRAB AN ICEPICK!

:crankey:

TGRR,
Digs long hair.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#12
January 17, 2011, 07:25:41 PM
I forgot this one.   :)
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Adios

#13
January 17, 2011, 07:29:47 PM
Priceless.
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