Submissions wanted for Pentalogia Discordia

[Caliginos Gnosticos]

I'm looking for submissions for a new project. I am putting together a 5 book set, or maybe a book in 5 parts, called Pentalogia Discordia. The 5 books will be:

Book 1: Conversations with Eris
The title is pretty much explanatory. Submissions for this one should be written in a similar style to Neale Donald Walsch's Conversations with God, i.e. written as conversations with Eris.

Book 2: The Art of FNORD
This one should be a sort of OM strategy guide. Submissions for this one should be written in a similar style to Sun-Tzu's The Art of War.

Book 3: What Would the Purple Sage Do?
This one is meant to be a book of parables. Submissions should be in the form of short parables, similar to the parables of Nasrudin, Buddha, Jesus, etc.

Book 4: Zenarchy and the Art of Robot Maintenance
This one is an exploration of the philosophy of Discordianism and how it applies to our individual reality. If you have never read Robert M. Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, you can find the text of it online here.

Book 5: The Law of Distraction
This one, the final book in the series, should be something like one of those self-help books that are so popular these days. Submissions should probably be essays based on how to use the "Law of Distraction" to take advantage of people's preconceptions and prejudices. The point behind this one is kind of a follow-up to BIP, if it had a secondary title, it would probably be something like "Breaking back in to prison for fun and profit".

Anyone who might be interested, let me know. I'm also open to suggestions, critiques, etc. If you have something you'd like to submit but you don't think it'll fit in one of the above books, let me know and we'll see if we can figure out some way to wedge it in there. I'll also take submissions of short quotes, odd bits, memebombs, and other short pieces that I can use for filler.

[Golden Applesauce]

Show us what you have already, so we have a better idea of what you're looking for.

[Caliginos Gnosticos]

Show us what you have already, so we have a better idea of what you're looking for.

Excellent idea. Over the next few days, as I get some spot editing done, I'll post what I have so far.

[Caliginos Gnosticos]

Excerpt from Book 1: Conversations with Eris

Editors Note: As a matter of convention, the text has been color coded for your convenience. The author's words will be written in red, Eris' words will be written in green, and the rest of the text will be written in black. The parts that you aren't ready for will be written in invisible ink of the aforementioned colors.

Introduction

What you are about to read is a series of transcripts. These transcripts are the culmination of a journey that began with a late night conversation with a Goddess. My life had recently fallen apart, my wife had lost her job, we were about to lose our home, we had no savings, everything was all wrong. Most nights I couldn't sleep due and I wanted to die. It was on one of those nights when the giggling began. I was sitting in the dark in my livingroom, having a smoke, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't me giggling.

*giggle*

"Who's there?"

*giggle*

"Hello?"

*giggle*

"Oh my god. This is it. I've finally gone crazy."

"That should be 'Oh my goddess', and you haven't gone crazy. You were crazy long before this, but that's not the point here."

"And now I'm hearing voices."

"And talking to yourself."

"And talking to myself."

"And, for the record, it's quite normal to hear voices when someone is talking to you. Now, if you don't mind, stop being so damned emo. I'm a busy goddess and I don't have all millenium to stand around and watch you have a breakdown."

"Ok, I'll bite. Assuming you're not just the voices in my head, what do you want."

"Nothing."

"I see. Well, now that we have that settled, I'm going to go back to spiralling down into the depths of madness."

At this point, I turned to walk away from what I supposed was a figment of my imagination.

"No."

And there she was, standing before me in all her psychedelic glory. I found myself transfixed by her gaze. I couldn't move.

"I am Eris. I have come here to speak with you tonight. I don't have much time to waste and I still have twenty two others on my list after you. You are going to act like a big boy and have an adult conversation with me. Now. Sit."

I sat, and we talked. Once we got past the small talk, things started to get interesting.

"...and that's the secret to immortality."

"Wow. Who would have thought? I'm still not too clear on what the midget is needed for though."

"To hold the camera, of course. But that's not important right now. What's important is that we're running out of time and we need to discuss the real reason that I have come here tonight."

"To save me?"

"No. Even better than that. To tell you how to save yorself."

"How do I do that?"

"Easy. Stop needing to be saved."

"What? How is that supposed to be easy? It's not like I chose to be in this situation. I don't have any control over this. OW!"

She slapped me upside the head.

"Stop whining and listen!"

She slapped me again.

"Stop that! I'm listening!"

"First, you have to realize that you chose this. Maybe not on a conscious level, but you chose it."

"I did not! OW!"

"It's like that Rush song says: If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."

"Now I'm confused. What do you mean?"

"You are the master of your own destiny. You are the maker of your own reality. You are faced with an infinite number of choices every moment of every day, and you choose nothing. You spend your life playing the game by their rules, going along with the crowd, being a good boy and not rocking the boat."

"But isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"

"Are you happy?"

"Mostly."

"Sometimes."

"No. Not really."

"I didn't think so. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Because life is hard."

"Only because you choose to make it so."

"But, I don't choose to make it hard!"

"Yes, you do. You let them hold you down. It's time you started fighting back."

"I can't! There's nothing I can do!"

*giggle*

"Why are you laughing at me?!?!"

"Laugh in the face of adversity, and I laugh with you. Cry in the face of adversity, and I laugh at you."

"That's not fair! I thought dieties were supposed to be kind and supportive!"

"We are, and I am. It's called 'tough love', look it up."

"I'm familiar with the concept. I just don't get how it applies here."

"Because you need it. Right now, you're a robot. You need to learn how to be a person."

"How am I a robot? I'm flesh and blood. I think. I feel. I'm already human."

"Maybe on on the outside, but inside you're a robot. You don't think. You only think that you think. You don't feel. You only feel that you feel. You are a mass of programmed responses controlling an automated meat sack. You don't think. You don't feel. You only react. A cabbage reacts. An animal reacts. A robot reacts. But, a human acts."

"I think I see what you're getting at. So, what am I supposed to do? How do I become human?"

"There are no easy answers. Well, there might be, but I'm not giving them to you. That would be counterproductive. You'll have to figure it out for yourself."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"I'm not going to give you the answers you want, but I will give you the answers you need."

"OK, what are the answers I need?"

"First, write this conversation down and pass it on to others."

"All of it? Even the part about the bonobo, the rabbi, and the jesuit sockmonkey?"

"Maybe not all of it. How about you write down the important parts?"

"Important parts. Got it. What else?"

"I've spoken to others. Find as many of them as you can. Share this with them and collect their conversations with me. Put it all together in a book. Once you've gotten enough of them together, I will return and we will have another little chat."

"Ok. Anything else?"

"Yes. Three words of advice."

"Yes?"

"Think."

"For."

"Yourself"

And then She was gone.

[Cramulus]

if you know anybody that speaks italian, you might dig

http://principiadiscordia.com/cramulus/index.php?title=Dialogue_of_Discordia

[Caliginos Gnosticos]

if you know anybody that speaks italian, you might dig

http://principiadiscordia.com/cramulus/index.php?title=Dialogue_of_Discordia

That is awesome. I wish I knew someone who spoke italian, the google translator gives just enough to be intriguing while still being terribly frustrating and confusing.

[LMNO]

I think I have the pentabarf in Hebrew, if you're interested.

Also, though it may have been used elsewhere, you're free to use the Vision of the Holy Boilermaker:

THE VISION OF THE HOLY BOILERMAKER.

I saw a sight, O my children.

And in this sight was our Goddess, Eris.

And she was drunk.

Again.

And lo, she opened her left hand; and from this hand fell the Shot Glass of Destruction, and Disorder.

And all the things that Were became the things that Were Not:

The Forest became the Fire.

The House became the Rubble.

The Flesh became Meat.

And lo, did I weep, for the loss of all that Was.

And Eris did open her right hand, and from this hand fell the Pint Glass of Creation, and Order.

And the things that Were Not became the things that Were:

The Seed became the Forest.

The Stone became the House.

The Food became the Flesh.

And lo, did I rejoice, for the gain of all that Was.

And Eris did smack me on the back of the head; and I saw a sight, where the Shot became the Pint, and the Pint became the Shot, and I was confused.

In fright, I cried out: "O Eris! What is this Terrible Vision, where Creation and Destruction are interchangeable; where Order and Disorder are naught but games!"

And lo, did Eris smile; and did retrieve the Shot and the Pint; and filled the Shot with Whiskey; and the Pint with Stout; and did drop the Shot in the Pint, and drank them together.


And thus, I was enlightened.