A reasonable and proportional use of force

[Elder Iptuous]

I want a taser now.  For NO good reason, and a few good ones.  Better get 2, so I have a spare. 

just get yerself some Taser shotgun shells!

http://www.taser.com/products/law/Pages/TASERXREP.aspx
nevermind the fact that they have had spotty testing with high variation in the duration of shock...
nevermind the fact that Taser has recently reduced the 'target area' that you are supposed to shoot at from the entire body below the neck, to now the limbs and back.  and that this is a low speed projectile that will have far from flat balistics, so good luck trying to aim for someones arm....

[Triple Zero]

I want a taser now.  For NO good reason, and a few good ones.  Better get 2, so I have a spare. 

I want a taser for all the bad reasons.

[Reginald Ret]

Taser + remote controlled toy

[Bruno]

web-enabled remote tazer controlled by cellphone 

[LMNO]

web-enabled remote tazer controlled by cellphone 

And the dream of reaching through my monitor and bitch-slapping fools comes one step closer...

[The Good Reverend Roger]

A taser collar that shocks you if you're up from your desk or stop typing for too long.

[Cain]

A taser collar that shocks you if you're up from your desk or stop typing for too long.

Not necessary (for some jobs).

I was reading about how at..Starbucks, I think, they introduced a new system where the tills would register how much sales were done by a particular person in the store at a particular time, and then generate their hours from that, so the company could save money by sending them home the minute their wages started to cost more than they were getting in from the customers.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

A taser collar that shocks you if you're up from your desk or stop typing for too long.

Not necessary (for some jobs).

I was reading about how at..Starbucks, I think, they introduced a new system where the tills would register how much sales were done by a particular person in the store at a particular time, and then generate their hours from that, so the company could save money by sending them home the minute their wages started to cost more than they were getting in from the customers.

United Airlines corporate office employees have to wear a transponder that rats them out if they're too far away from their desk for too long.

[Cain]

That's pretty fucked up.

I, on the other hand, sign myself in 10 minutes early every day, with the approval of my bosses.

[Bruno]

web-enabled remote tazer controlled by cellphone 

And the dream of reaching through my monitor and bitch-slapping fools comes one step closer...

Wouldn't be that hard, really. A relatively short python script, servo controller, and a couple of servos.

It's been on my to-do list for a while.

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

The real trick would be getting people to buy it.

I would suggest starting with a clever marketing campaign, the actual engineering of the product would be easy.

[Bruno]

I wasn't really thinking of selling them.

The liability insurance on something like that would be astronomical.  Not to mention patent fees.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I bet you're all thinking of this tiny little 10 year old brutally being zapped while the police officer guffaws through his moustache.

Suppose this 10 year old girl is a manatee, though.

Have you ever tried to restrain even a small manatee?

I thought not.

Remember, this is Arkansas. Whales drive around on personal mobility vehicles with their blubber flopping over their spandex pants jiggling down their legs and dragging on the ground. They congregate at strip malls and fast food joints. In most parts of the country you occasionally see a real fatty. But in the south, there is fat and    G E T    B A C K    I N N A    O C E A N    F A T. Trust me, I've been to the Dallas Airport.


Cut this cop some slack. It may have been a manatee.

In which case it was lucky it didn't get the outboard motor.

[Elder Iptuous]

I bet you're all thinking of this tiny little 10 year old brutally being zapped while the police officer guffaws through his moustache.

Suppose this 10 year old girl is a manatee, though.

Have you ever tried to restrain even a small manatee?

I thought not.

Remember, this is Arkansas. Whales drive around on personal mobility vehicles with their blubber flopping over their spandex pants jiggling down their legs and dragging on the ground. They congregate at strip malls and fast food joints. In most parts of the country you occasionally see a real fatty. But in the south, there is fat and    G E T    B A C K    I N N A    O C E A N    F A T. Trust me, I've been to the Dallas Airport.


Cut this cop some slack. It may have been a manatee.

In which case it was lucky it didn't get the outboard motor.

Yeah, but that's precisely the reason that we are required by law in the south to have at least one (1) adult manatee on the local police force.  You think they are stuffing their faces with Krispy Kreme donuts dipped in country cream gravy because they like it?!?
nonono.... it's for the kids.
this was a failure to properly implement our Corpulent Cop program, and was inexcusable.

[Richter]

I bet you're all thinking of this tiny little 10 year old brutally being zapped while the police officer guffaws through his moustache.

Suppose this 10 year old girl is a manatee, though.

Have you ever tried to restrain even a small manatee?

I thought not.

Remember, this is Arkansas. Whales drive around on personal mobility vehicles with their blubber flopping over their spandex pants jiggling down their legs and dragging on the ground. They congregate at strip malls and fast food joints. In most parts of the country you occasionally see a real fatty. But in the south, there is fat and    G E T    B A C K    I N N A    O C E A N    F A T. Trust me, I've been to the Dallas Airport.


Cut this cop some slack. It may have been a manatee.

In which case it was lucky it didn't get the outboard motor.

This is the best goddamn thing I have read all week. 
The land behemoths supported by their social securiy and their mechanical contrivance would become the scowling overlords of us all, given half a chance.  How long until they start mounting WEAPONS when these bloated sacks bleat and yammer that they have no other recourse?
Their bloated forms would sap consumables while their ever more oppulent conveyance would soak up industry.

I salute this sentiment.

Chaplain, "three passes around the legs, cut the cable, and let the fucker fall", Richter