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Salsa: the miracle food-product

Started by Cait M. R., November 24, 2009, 01:44:29 PM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I hate the Green Mountain Gringo salsa with a burning, murderous passion. It's oddly sweet AND, to add insult to injury, has apple cider vinegar in it. APPLE FUCKING CIDER VINEGAR. That shit is for HIPPIES. HIPPIES AND WHITE PEOPLE. My ex, who is both a hippie and a white person, used to buy Green Mountain Gringo home and I would tell him for the 5000th time not to bring me any salsa made by hippies, and especially never to bring me any salsa that actually has "Gringo" ON THE FUCKING LABEL. Goddamn.

I do not understand why hippies and white people love apple cider vinegar so much.

000, I don't really use a recipe, but in general for a canned salsa what you want to do is take a lot of tomatoes, a lot of onions, a few peppers (your choice; I use a combination of jalapeno and anaheim) some cilantro, some salt, and some lime juice. Dice it all up, combine in a large pot and bring just to a boil, then immediately ladle it into sterilized jars, put the lids on (soft close so air can escape), and immerse them in a boiling water bath for ten minutes. Take them out, let them cool, and put them in your pantry. That's it. Easy as pie. Add stuff like garlic if you want.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Here's a wee primer, though I recommend getting a book on canning if you decide to get into it: http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art2816.asp
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Salty

Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on November 26, 2009, 12:44:07 AM

I do not understand why hippies and white people love apple cider vinegar so much.





Cuz it's pure man, comes from mother earth. Not like that factory, INDUSTRIAL vinegar.
     /
:hippie:
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Alty on November 26, 2009, 12:54:02 AM
Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on November 26, 2009, 12:44:07 AM

I do not understand why hippies and white people love apple cider vinegar so much.





Cuz it's pure man, comes from mother earth. Not like that factory, INDUSTRIAL vinegar.
     /
:hippie:

CORPORATE VINEGAR

NEW BAND NAME.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Suu

Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

LMNO

RCH: coconut vinegar?  :fap:


Nigel: apple vinegar is cheaper than sherry vinegar, and tastes the same when you add a fuckload of spices. I use it whenever white is too strong, and wine is too complex. Go fuck yourself.

LMNO
-not a hippie.

East Coast Hustle

Quote from: LMNO on November 26, 2009, 03:01:51 AM
RCH: coconut vinegar?  :fap:


Nigel: apple vinegar is cheaper than sherry vinegar, and tastes the same when you add a fuckload of spices. I use it whenever white is too strong, and wine is too complex. Go fuck yourself.

LMNO
-not a hippie.

1) yeah, believe it or not they carry it at my local Walmart. It's fucking awesome. It's my new secret weapon, replacing smoked sea salt.

2) this, minus the part where you tell Nigel to go fuck herself.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Sir Squid Diddimus


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

A: I probably will fuck myself before the end of the night, and B: apple cider vinegar has its uses, I've just never understood the weird hippie obsession for using it in place of more appropriate tarteners, say in salsa, where it fills me with rage and hate.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


East Coast Hustle

I wouldn't generally use it in salsa unless it was all I had for acidity...unless I was making apple salsa.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

LMNO

Looks like my R-Prime got out of hand up there. Sorry about that, Nigel.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: LMNO on November 26, 2009, 12:21:40 PM
Looks like my R-Prime got out of hand up there. Sorry about that, Nigel.

No need to apologize for R-Prime, especially when it's useful and/or pleasurable R-Prime. :)
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Although, awesomely, due to the way that particular evening wound up, there was no need for me to fuck myself.  8)
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


solidsnake

Try bedouin salsa at epicurious.com

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Bedouin-Salsa-355011

yield: Makes 2 cups
active time: 30 min
total time: 40 min
While the restaurant serves the ultra-spicy salsa alongside hummus, tsatsiki, and baba ghanouj, chef Eric Leyden suggests it as a lively accompaniment to meats and hearty lentil or tomato soups.

8 to 10 garlic cloves, peeled
3 fresh jalapeños, stemmed
6 fresh serrano chiles, stemmed and chopped
3/4 cup coarsely chopped sweet onion
2 heaping teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 cup grapeseed or vegetable oil
1/3 cup fresh lemon juice
1 to 1 1/2 cups flat-leaf parsley sprigs

Heat a comal or dry 12-inch heavy skillet (preferably cast-iron; not nonstick) over medium-low heat until hot.
Cook garlic and jalapeños, turning with tongs occasionally, until blackened in spots, about 15 minutes. Cool slightly, about 15 minutes.
Combine all ingredients except parsley in a food processor and finely chop. Add parsley and pulse a few more times.

Jasper

Quote from: Emerald City Hustle on November 26, 2009, 05:30:07 AM
Quote from: LMNO on November 26, 2009, 03:01:51 AM
RCH: coconut vinegar?  :fap:


Nigel: apple vinegar is cheaper than sherry vinegar, and tastes the same when you add a fuckload of spices. I use it whenever white is too strong, and wine is too complex. Go fuck yourself.

LMNO
-not a hippie.

1) yeah, believe it or not they carry it at my local Walmart. It's fucking awesome. It's my new secret weapon, replacing smoked sea salt.

Which.  One.