Conservative Purity Ball

[Elder Iptuous]

what's this mean? :

"(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;"

it's ... confusing.

It means No Mexicans Allowed!

B..b..but, I'm Mexican 

GTFO!

TGRR! don't be so rude!
at least let him mow your yard first....

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

That's it.  I'm throwing my hat in the ring and creating a new political party, Cain's Cynical-Nihilist Alliance.

Here are our principles

1.  We support smaller government through mandated Russian Roulette games for all political seats and, if killed, the politician replaced by a blow-up sexdoll.  All lobbyists will also be thrown down a cliff, then laughed at.

2.  We support abusing Canada's government-run health care, and will bus American citizens over the border to be treated.

3.  We support market based energy reform, such as hiring Blackwater to slash the tires of every energy company who doesn't do as we say.

4.  We support the worker's right to go crazy and whack their supervisor, if they feel like it.

5.  We support the expulsion of all illegal immigrants to America, their children, their children's children, their children's children children etc etc ad infinitum.  Zero tolerance.

6.  We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by declaring we have won, then withdrawing sneakily so the terrorists cannot follow us home.

7.  We support the containment of Iran and North Korea via the construction of a giant, space-based weapons platform, which we call a "Death Star".  Dick Cheney will be the commanding officer.

8.  We support the Defense of Marriage even more, by restricting marriage to white, hetrosexual twenty-somethings, and making divorce punishable by being hung until you are sorry dead.

9.  We support death panels so long as it makes Sarah Palin do more hilarious freakouts.

10.  We support the right of every child in America to own one depleted uranium shell.

I'm okay with all of that as long as adultery is legal.

I furthermore suggest that prostitution be legal, and nationalized as a branch of the military, ready to be mobilized in emergencies.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

That's it.  I'm throwing my hat in the ring and creating a new political party, Cain's Cynical-Nihilist Alliance.

Here are our principles

1.  We support smaller government through mandated Russian Roulette games for all political seats and, if killed, the politician replaced by a blow-up sexdoll.  All lobbyists will also be thrown down a cliff, then laughed at.

2.  We support abusing Canada's government-run health care, and will bus American citizens over the border to be treated.

3.  We support market based energy reform, such as hiring Blackwater to slash the tires of every energy company who doesn't do as we say.

4.  We support the worker's right to go crazy and whack their supervisor, if they feel like it.

5.  We support the expulsion of all illegal immigrants to America, their children, their children's children, their children's children children etc etc ad infinitum.  Zero tolerance.

6.  We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by declaring we have won, then withdrawing sneakily so the terrorists cannot follow us home.

7.  We support the containment of Iran and North Korea via the construction of a giant, space-based weapons platform, which we call a "Death Star".  Dick Cheney will be the commanding officer.

8.  We support the Defense of Marriage even more, by restricting marriage to white, hetrosexual twenty-somethings, and making divorce punishable by being hung until you are sorry dead.

9.  We support death panels so long as it makes Sarah Palin do more hilarious freakouts.

10.  We support the right of every child in America to own one depleted uranium shell.

I'm okay with all of that as long as adultery is legal.

I furthermore suggest that prostitution be legal, and nationalized as a branch of the military, ready to be mobilized in emergencies.

Fuck.  The Enki Effect strikes again.

[Cramulus]

I admit, I lol'd 

[Remington]

So did I. It would do wonders for post-disaster morale 

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

That's it.  I'm throwing my hat in the ring and creating a new political party, Cain's Cynical-Nihilist Alliance.

Here are our principles

1.  We support smaller government through mandated Russian Roulette games for all political seats and, if killed, the politician replaced by a blow-up sexdoll.  All lobbyists will also be thrown down a cliff, then laughed at.

2.  We support abusing Canada's government-run health care, and will bus American citizens over the border to be treated.

3.  We support market based energy reform, such as hiring Blackwater to slash the tires of every energy company who doesn't do as we say.

4.  We support the worker's right to go crazy and whack their supervisor, if they feel like it.

5.  We support the expulsion of all illegal immigrants to America, their children, their children's children, their children's children children etc etc ad infinitum.  Zero tolerance.

6.  We support victory in Iraq and Afghanistan by declaring we have won, then withdrawing sneakily so the terrorists cannot follow us home.

7.  We support the containment of Iran and North Korea via the construction of a giant, space-based weapons platform, which we call a "Death Star".  Dick Cheney will be the commanding officer.

8.  We support the Defense of Marriage even more, by restricting marriage to white, hetrosexual twenty-somethings, and making divorce punishable by being hung until you are sorry dead.

9.  We support death panels so long as it makes Sarah Palin do more hilarious freakouts.

10.  We support the right of every child in America to own one depleted uranium shell.

I'm okay with all of that as long as adultery is legal.

I furthermore suggest that prostitution be legal, and nationalized as a branch of the military, ready to be mobilized in emergencies.

[Elder Iptuous]

I'm okay with all of that as long as adultery is legal.

I furthermore suggest that prostitution be legal, and nationalized as a branch of the military, ready to be mobilized in emergencies.

Clearly, legal and organized prostitution can help save the world:

http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,665182,00.html

[Iason Ouabache]

Bump for Colbert's take on this:

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/258161/december-09-2009/the-word---grand-old-purity

[Jenne]

That was brilliant--saw that one yesterday (I tivo them).

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

what's this mean? :

"(5) We support legal immigration and assimilation into American society by opposing amnesty for illegal immigrants;"

it's ... confusing.

It means No Mexicans Allowed!

B..b..but, I'm Mexican 

GTFO!

TGRR! don't be so rude!
at least let him mow your yard first....

I'll let him "mow" my "yard".

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

AUGH I feel dirty now, I need to change my avatar to something that's not me.

[Cainad (dec.)]

AUGH I feel dirty now, I need to change my avatar to something that's not me.