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Masks

Started by The Wizard, November 30, 2009, 06:47:15 PM

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The Wizard

November 30, 2009, 06:47:15 PM
Everyone is hiding behind a mask. It's as simple as that. No one shows there true colors, not even when they're alone. We throw on false faces and pretend to be someone different. The entire species does this, from the day we realize that we can be hurt. The realization that other people can hurt you not just psychically, but emotionally, it intensely traumatic. So we hide. We throw on thousands of masks, so that no one knows what we truly are. Hell, we don't even  know who we are.

I'm just as cowardly in this manner as everyone else. At school, I wear a mask, a tight, leather, strap covered thing like out of some S&M porno. It's tightly secured, so that if I try and act like myself, I reflexively stop and revert to deadpan seriousness. This mask isn't just for school though. It's for any social interaction where I'm uncomfortable (as in I'm conversing with more than one person). I wear the exact opposite mask at home. I act more like myself, with all the oddity that entails, but I repress any impulse to be anything but Mr. Happyshit. I don't even act like myself here. I have real clue what kind of person I am here, or anywhere else.

My biggest problem I think is this identity crisis. I can only point out a couple things I know for sure about myself. I know I want to be a warrior-poet, I know I'm strange, I know I'm intelligent, but the rest of it, I have no clue. This could be part of adolescence, or maybe it's something the entire species suffers from. The part of the problem that is inherently my own is that I don't understand people. Or maybe I do, but dont' realize that I do.

Not being sure whether I'm friendly or cruel, honest or dishonest, anything is incredibly frustrating. But maybe, I'm full of shit, and this is just a result of caffeine intake. Anyone get where I'm coming from here?
Insanity we trust.

The Good Reverend Roger

#1
November 30, 2009, 06:56:17 PM
Sometimes that mask is a good thing.  Run around jabbering and drooling like me, and pretty soon you don't get invited to parties.  At least the kind of parties you'd want to be seen at.  The parties I get invited to usually involve fetishists and perverts, and half the time I wind up with pulled muscles and unexplained puncture wounds.  Once I woke up covered in axle grease, with no memory of how I got into the damn yard shed in the first place.

And is that the kind of reputation you want?  No, no, it isn't.  Mothers will forbid their daughters from associating with you, and the right people will not even consider your resume.  So you'd best keep that mask on nice and tight, and pretend that everything is okay.

But it isn't.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Wizard

#2
November 30, 2009, 07:01:02 PM
I know my reputation, Roger. I'm generally held to be at best, weird or at worst, dangerous. But that's not what bugs me. I can't point to any characteristic and say "I'm like this". I just don't understand what I am or where I'm going.
Insanity we trust.

The Good Reverend Roger

#3
November 30, 2009, 07:04:10 PM
Quote from: Dr. James Semaj on November 30, 2009, 07:01:02 PM
I know my reputation, Roger. I'm generally held to be at best, weird or at worst, dangerous. But that's not what bugs me. I can't point to any characteristic and say "I'm like this". I just don't understand what I am or where I'm going.

Okay.  What's the downside?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Wizard

#4
November 30, 2009, 07:06:17 PM
Honestly, I don't know. It's not something actually adversely affects me, but it bugs me. It's just another insecurity to get over, I guess.
Insanity we trust.

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
November 30, 2009, 07:08:09 PM
Quote from: Dr. James Semaj on November 30, 2009, 07:06:17 PM
Honestly, I don't know. It's not something actually adversely affects me, but it bugs me. It's just another insecurity to get over, I guess.

Well, shit, you WANT to be sorted, labelled, and put in a nice tidy slot?  I mean, that CAN be arranged, if it's what you really want.

This is no century for "stability" or "security", James.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Wizard

#6
November 30, 2009, 07:15:52 PM
Hmm. Ya, I guess part of me does, depressing as that is. I strive for chaos, but I still end up craving Order like an ex-smoker craves cigarettes. Not good.
Insanity we trust.

Roaring Biscuit!

#7
November 30, 2009, 07:18:27 PM
QuoteNot being sure whether I'm friendly or cruel, honest or dishonest, anything is incredibly frustrating. But maybe, I'm full of shit, and this is just a result of caffeine intake. Anyone get where I'm coming from here?

Quotedis·cord  (dskôrd)
n.
      1.
            a. Lack of agreement among persons, groups, or things.
            b. Tension or strife resulting from a lack of agreement; dissension.

I don't know where you're going, but I think you're in the right place.

The Good Reverend Roger

#8
November 30, 2009, 07:18:59 PM
Quote from: Dr. James Semaj on November 30, 2009, 07:15:52 PM
Hmm. Ya, I guess part of me does, depressing as that is. I strive for chaos, but I still end up craving Order like an ex-smoker craves cigarettes. Not good.

Welcome to the monkey house.

You can leave anytime you want.  Ergo, most people never leave.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Wizard

#9
November 30, 2009, 07:21:01 PM
QuoteI don't know where you're going, but I think you're in the right place.

So, you're saying the confusion is actually a good thing? That makes a lot of sense actually. Maybe the problem is that I'm not embracing my Identity Crisis.
Insanity we trust.

The Wizard

#10
November 30, 2009, 07:23:04 PM
QuoteErgo, most people never leave.

I don't want to be a monkey. Anything but that. I'd rather be a warrior poet.
Insanity we trust.

Salty

#11
November 30, 2009, 07:23:32 PM
I have so many masks...it's hard to keep up. 
One for every occasion really. 
There's one that I apply liberally, it's the one you get when I'm bored or don't know who the fuck you are. It looks like this  :| 
Actually, it looks more condescending. And with body language, why I look downright full of myself and unintersted in everyone and everything else. 
Trouble is I have know idea when I do this, I didn't even know that I did do this until some people were kind enough to point it out. I can't stop doing it. And I'm not doing it for the reasons they think I do it.   

Meanwhile, old ladies love me. One smile and the blue-hairs just melt. Not of all them though. It's funny, sometimes they can see right behind that mask, and they never seem to like it much. 

There are so many more and it takes so much effort to keep them in play, keep them spinning around without crashing into each other. 
One for work
One for work with different sorts of people
One for my family (though, none for Mrs. Alty. I am AS IS NO REFUNDS)
One for every person I don't want to know but do

Bah. Sometimes I want to throw them at people. Or better yet, hold them down and glue the masks to their faces. 
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

The Good Reverend Roger

#12
November 30, 2009, 07:24:50 PM
Quote from: Dr. James Semaj on November 30, 2009, 07:21:01 PM
QuoteI don't know where you're going, but I think you're in the right place.

So, you're saying the confusion is actually a good thing? That makes a lot of sense actually. Maybe the problem is that I'm not embracing my Identity Crisis.


The problem is that you're using terms like "embracing my Identity Crisis".

This leads me to believe that you're over-thinking it, when you SHOULD be stomping around, spitting blood, and mating with anything that has any sort of orifice whatsoever, alien or primate.  STOP READING DR PHIL, AND START LOOKING AT BUG PORN.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
November 30, 2009, 07:26:14 PM
Quote from: Dr. James Semaj on November 30, 2009, 07:23:04 PM
QuoteErgo, most people never leave.

I'd rather be a warrior poet.

Oh, sweet cat-fucking Jesus.  You aren't one of THEM, are you?   :horrormirth:

"Warrior poet".  Someone fucking kill me.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

#14
November 30, 2009, 07:27:09 PM
Quote from: Alty on November 30, 2009, 07:23:32 PM
I have so many masks...it's hard to keep up. 

So don't.  Wear the wrong masks for given occasions.  For a joke.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.
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