Renamed: GOD. DAMN. IT.

[Freeky]

 

[Freeky]

So I had my first lulz at someone else's expense text conversation today. With my ex.

Ex: Do you want to do my job? lol this shit really sucks.
Me: What do you do, and will I get paid? lol
Ex: Well right now you'd be standing post at the gem show and I'd pay you a different way.
Me: Hahahaha.
Ex: You never got back to me on being friends with benefits idea btw.
Me: We tried that and it didn't work out for me.
Ex: Ya but that was at the beginning of the whole new thing now could be different unless you got a boyfriend that is
Me: No one officially yet, but I'm working on it.
Ex: Wow umm
Me: Wow umm what?
Ex: Just shocked and kinda sad but hopefully hes better than me.
(Long pause, because I didn't know how to respond and because I called a friend to let her in on the lulz)
Ex: Did I say something wrong?
Me: He seems nice, anyway.
Me: No, I was just on the phone.
Ex: Who is he
Me: Guy named Vince (LIE.) I met him hanging out with friends.
Ex: Ok cool wow I didn't think I would feel like this
Ex: So what would you say to 1 last time for old time's sake
Me: (Thoughts to self:     ) I would say no in a vvery kind and slightly apologetic way. (Truth)
Ex: O ok
Ex: *text edited because it was pretty offensively disgusting, suffice to say that he isn't getting any* I just really miss you.
(Long pause)
Ex: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
Me: I agree.


I was luaghing so hard during this conversation. Seriously.

[Freeky]

Kinda been wondering about what my biological family is like recently. Kind of depressing, since it was a closed adoption (oh yeah, I'm adopted) and I had papers somewhere that said they'd rather me not look them up. Ever.

I gues that would answer my question right there, but still.

[Dysnomia]

how did you do on your homework assignment missy?  Or am I gonna have to spank you with a ruler?   

[Freeky]

how did you do on your homework assignment missy?  Or am I gonna have to spank you with a ruler?   

... I need the ruler, Miss SPS...  Hopefully I can get my mom to watch Monkey so I can run downtown and drop off the first of many forms tomorrow. I've been holding off, cuz I want to get it looked at, but he's starting to get too involved with work again, and I nearly started a fight with him this afternoon for not being able to watch his kid.

He has even less excuses to be doing this shit with his other two boys here. 

[Jasper]

If I was in your jackboots, I'd look into disappearing him and selling his kidneys.

You know, for science.

[Freeky]

Ms. Freak, cannot you get the visitation rights sorted, as he obviously does not want to spend time with his kids. 

That's part of the process of getting child support. Paternity has to be established (for cases where the parents weren't married), custody has to be sorted out, and parenting time goes into a plan, and its not a flexible schedule either, both parties have to have the child(ren)for x amount of days as agreed upon by themselves. Which sounds easy enough, but I don't want to screw him (he is operations manager, after all, and sometimes has to stand at a post or whatever), nor do I want to give him too much responsibility, because he has so far shown that he can't handle it.

[Freeky]

aw, your too nice. 

Sounds like a massive hassle.

It is and it isn't. I've been procrastinating for to get my first form looked at. And then I think about it and I kick myself.

I'm nice to people so they don't wreck me. I'm starting to be not as nice, though. A little less confrontation avoiding. PD's positive influence showing through, I'm sure.

[Freeky]

I had to get a signed statement from my ex this morning saying he pays me 200 in child support. I needed it to get onto state help.  He was super bitchy about it, and when I actually got to his office to get it from him, he threw a fit. He acted more of a jerk, and when I got the letter from him I left without saying too much.

He texted me, apologizing for being so short tempered, his excuse being that he had two no-shows and he had to fill the gaps quickly. I didn't feel like being openly forgiving or hostile, so my response was non-comittal. Then he texted me that he had no right to do that because he still cares about me and it isn't nice. I was going to ignore that, because there wasn't a lot I could think of for i, but he sent it again, and so I replied back that no, it wasn't cool, but I saw it as a chance to practice not caring about what people think of me. I continued on to say that I probably should have started doing that when we were together.

I ended up getting depressed because it was a mean thing to say, and I meant it to be mean. But maybe he'll leave off texting me really awkward stuff now, cuz I haven't heard back from him all day.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

You should be getting a lot more than $200/mo, that's ridiculous.

[Cain]

Don't get depressed.  He's trying to emotionally manipulate you, probably so he can get away with dicking you around more.  Recognize he is doing this, and simply ignore everything about him that does not relate directly towards getting money out of his tightwad hands.  Its not sincere, its calculated and meant to have an effect on you.  Don't let him succeed at this game.

[Freeky]

I didn't let on that I felt bad, and I only feel bad for trying to make him feel bad. And also because he brought up emotional baggage.

And yes, 200 is outrageously not enough, and he keeps sticking to the fact that we agreed upon it before I knew how far 200 didn't go and was not over him at all as his argument that he doesn't have to pay more.

[Suu]

I didn't let on that I felt bad, and I only feel bad for trying to make him feel bad. And also because he brought up emotional baggage.

And yes, 200 is outrageously not enough, and he keeps sticking to the fact that we agreed upon it before I knew how far 200 didn't go and was not over him at all as his argument that he doesn't have to pay more.

I'm sure a judge or social worker would be happy to argue right back at him, since he obviously doesn't want to listen to you.

[Freeky]

I didn't let on that I felt bad, and I only feel bad for trying to make him feel bad. And also because he brought up emotional baggage.

And yes, 200 is outrageously not enough, and he keeps sticking to the fact that we agreed upon it before I knew how far 200 didn't go and was not over him at all as his argument that he doesn't have to pay more.

I'm sure a judge or social worker would be happy to argue right back at him, since he obviously doesn't want to listen to you.

Yup. I've got a phone meeting with my DES case worker, and when I officially have food stamps and stuff, I'll qualify for deferred/waived filing fees for child support and stuff.

Side note, I felt really awesome this morning because I was wearing my sexy high heels with my jeans, and my butt looked great.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Exactly what Cain said. Ignore him while you go about the business of getting your paperwork in order. He is now a non-person.

Stop letting whether your mom will watch your kid be a factor in whether you go do what you need to do. You want to know what family court and social workers are used to? Single moms. With their kids. You CAN go places and get things done with your child present; yes, it's less convenient than doing it without your kid, but you'll adapt, and the more used to going places and getting things done with you your kid is, the easier he'll be to manage in public.

The state does not give a flying fuck about the amount you and he agreed on; they care about their state support guidelines, and depending on how your state handles things he may have to pay back support. He might be ordered to pay a LOT of back support. He's just hosing himself in the long run.

Is his name on the birth certificate? That automatically establishes paternity in most states unless the man named on the birth certificate contests it.

Division of physical custody usually defaults to the typical practice of the previous six weeks unless both parents agree otherwise. Division of legal custody usually defaults to whoever has primary custody of the child unless both parents agree otherwise. Beware of being pushed for joint custody because it sounds like he'll go for it to reduce his child support obligation, and then leave the kid with you 90% of the time anyway.

Parenting plans aren't hard, let me know if you need help writing one; I've done it twice.

I know it all seems overwhelming at first, but the further you delve into it the more manageable it becomes. Don't delay any further, and don't talk to your ex anymore unless you need to for your child's care. Be grateful that you don't have a job or school right now, because can you imagine how much harder this process is if you're working full-time? I will tell you the story of my previous divorce and ensuing custody battle, if you want to hear one of those "I had to walk uphill in the snow both ways" kinds of stories.

YOU CAN DO THIS. And you need to stop procrastinating and stop making excuses for why you "can't" get it done.