Portland, get your shit together.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yeah, I used to see that same attitude from people who'd lived in Seattle for 3 or 4 years and I took every opportunity to call them out on it. If you're really proud of your city, you should be thrilled that people all across the country view it as someplace they should aspire to live in.

I submitted this rant to the Portland Mercury to be considered for the "I, Anonymous" column. We'll see if they have the nutsack to publish something so critical.

Just to be forewarned: The Mercury is a shitsack paper and they can and will edit your submission so that it means something completely different. One of their favorite things is to add a few words at the end to poke fun at you.

[East Coast Hustle]

that's OK, I'm not above smearing poop on the doorknobs of the building and under the door handles of their cars, should the need arise.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.