News:

PD.com: our ability to recall your stupidity makes elephants look like Alzheimer's patients.

Main Menu

A Day With EoC

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, February 20, 2014, 04:09:28 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

The Good Reverend Roger

"I'll show you a parking ticket, you Jitney-driving bastard", EoC shouted, while he beat the traffic warden with a tire iron.  I just stood there in shock...This sort of shit just doesn't happen in America.  Shit hole 3rd world countries like Europe, maybe.  But not here.

"You fascist jerks are all the same!", he screamed, to a cop no longer capable of listening.

"Calm down, jackass!", I yelled, "We have to get out of here NOW!"

We jumped in his unidentifiable compact car...The brand logo was completely obscured by The Airborne Toxic Event bumper stickers.  He ground the gears for a few seconds (quite a trick in an automatic), and we lurched into traffic.  His sudden entry into traffic flow caused some kind of accident behind us.  A "Croc" sandal flew into the air.  Probably not a big loss to society.

"I fucking hate cops", he snarled, "They're all the same."

"Yeah, whatever, you Goddamn animal.  Just get us to Brown University...I have a steak & kidney pie on my mind."

EoC drove like a man possessed, weaving from lane to lane.  At one point, we were on the sidewalk.  Then down an alley, trash flying skyward in our wake.

"What the fuck is it with you and that miserable English 'food', Rev?"

"I'm trying to stay in touch with my roots", I began, "Oh, shit."

A cop car had swung in behind us, it's lights flashing.

"Fuck THAT noise", he grated, screeching at high speed into another alleyway.  The cop made the curve, but sent a pedestrian flying into the side of the adjacent building.

I heard a muffled thumping coming from the trunk.  Apparently, the horse tranquilizer we gave Richter had worn off.  Great.  Just fucking great.  The fucker had already sharpened the gear selector, the cigarette lighter, and the valet parking attendant...Which meant we had to park ourselves, which meant that EoC got a ticket like always.  And, as always, he lost his temper and we were on the run again.  Again.

Three more cop cars, now.  EoC was screaming incomprehensibly as he slammed through traffic.  He was talking to someone who wasn't in the car, I think.  Crazy bastard.  This always happens to me on vacation.

There was a loud BANG and the car slewed sideways...We had lost the left front tire.  We slid gracelessly into a light pole and ate airbag.  Worse, the trunk popped open.

Everything seemed to come to a standstill as I crawled out of the car.  EoC slid out the other side.  Three police were standing, guns drawn, behind the open doors of their car.  "PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM", one of them yelled.

A faint giggling came from the trunk.

"HAW HAW!", I yelled, "YOU HIPPIES ARE IN FOR IT NOW!"

"Wat", the cop responded...As Richter came flying out of the trunk with a razor sharp spare tire.  For the sake of human decency, I will not describe the events that immediately followed this...Let's just say the widows & orphans fund took a beating that day.

Five minutes later, the three of us were driving away in a stolen squadcar.  EoC was bent over the wheel, while behind us, Richter tried to stick his tongue through the grating separating the front and back seats.  Richter was saying something, but it just came out as "fuh fuh fuh".

I never got my fucking steak & kidney pie, either.

Bastards.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO


Eater of Clowns

 :lulz:

I'd really always thought of chakrams as an inferior weapon, but then I'd never seen Richter wield them fashioned from a set of 22" rims.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Eater of Clowns

"Hey copper, time to lose that spare tire!" Slice.

"Oink oink, pig, why not take a bite of this doughnut!" Slash.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WITH THIS VEHICLE COMPONENT!"

Richter's clever battle shouts get noticeably less so as the blood rage takes him.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on February 20, 2014, 05:24:29 PM
"Hey copper, time to lose that spare tire!" Slice.

"Oink oink, pig, why not take a bite of this doughnut!" Slash.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WITH THIS VEHICLE COMPONENT!"

Richter's clever battle shouts get noticeably less so as the blood rage takes him.

It's when he starts yelling about "HAM FOR THE HAM GOD" that I move to the other side of the bus.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.

 :lulz: Road rage on parade. Very nice.
Weevil-Infested Badfun Wrongsex Referee From The 9th Earth
Slick and Deranged Wombat of Manhood Questioning
Hulking Dormouse of Lust and DESPAIR™
Gatling Geyser of Rainbow AIDS

"The only way we can ever change anything is to look in the mirror and find no enemy." - Akala  'Find No Enemy'.

Pæs


Richter

Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on February 20, 2014, 05:30:26 PM
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on February 20, 2014, 05:24:29 PM
"Hey copper, time to lose that spare tire!" Slice.

"Oink oink, pig, why not take a bite of this doughnut!" Slash.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WITH THIS VEHICLE COMPONENT!"

Richter's clever battle shouts get noticeably less so as the blood rage takes him.

It's when he starts yelling about "HAM FOR THE HAM GOD" that I move to the other side of the bus.

They have to be made up on the spot to be clever, like a good comedy routine.

also, despite being Hindu or Sihk in origins, chakrams are very christian weapons.  Its all about passing them out charitably
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Richter

The trunk again. Fuckers.  Roger could have just asked me to be cool.  Nope, instead he had to ask me to hone up a granite curb so EoC would have a clear shot at my hamsmwith that sticker full of Mr Ed happy juice.

ratbanging skullfucked bastards.  Time to "fix" the donut.

Oh, it seems EoCwas being allowed at the wheel again, so my chances of habing a quiet guiness were out.

College came to mind. The time i rode to a party in the trunk. We were stopped of course, so i umped out and ran down the woods screaming about the kinky shit the driver had propsed to do to me.  Good times.

ah, we were stopping.  Good, the spare was serviceablle.  Kamitachimtime bitches...
.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Richter on February 21, 2014, 05:40:58 PM
The trunk again. Fuckers.  Roger could have just asked me to be cool.  Nope, instead he had to ask me to hone up a granite curb so EoC would have a clear shot at my hamsmwith that sticker full of Mr Ed happy juice.

ratbanging skullfucked bastards.  Time to "fix" the donut.

Oh, it seems EoCwas being allowed at the wheel again, so my chances of habing a quiet guiness were out.

College came to mind. The time i rode to a party in the trunk. We were stopped of course, so i umped out and ran down the woods screaming about the kinky shit the driver had propsed to do to me.  Good times.

ah, we were stopping.  Good, the spare was serviceablle.  Kamitachimtime bitches...
.

:lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.


Aucoq

"All of the world's leading theologists agree only on the notion that God hates no-fault insurance."

Horrid and Sticky Llama Wrangler of Last Week's Forbidden Desire.

Doktor Howl

Molon Lube