Theme Park malfunction

[Cain]

This can only go horribly wrong

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/dec/07/disney-dreams-come-true-swindon

To some visitors, perhaps the only vaguely magic thing in Swindon is the seven-island road junction beside the fire station, which is so baffling it has been branded the "magic roundabout". But that hasn't stopped Disney World in Florida selecting the Wiltshire town as the first twin town in its 38-year history.

The other parallels are equally hard to fathom – the Orlando theme park counts Mickey Mouse, Pluto and Snow White among it denizens, while Swindon boasts Melinda Messenger, Mark Lamarr and Billie Piper. But Disney executives today yesterday chose Swindon ahead of 24 other British towns, including Blackpool, which at least has a rollercoaster, and Brighton, which has a helter-skelter and a ghost train.

Perhaps tellingly, the Disney executives picked Swindon not by visiting, but by watching a video slideshow produced by resident Rebecca Warren, 20.

She managed to draw implausible but ingenious parallels between a local zoo and the Animal Kingdom section of Disney World, her local cinema and Disney's vast Hollywood Studio, and the famous roundabout and Disney's teacup ride.

"She made us laugh," said Dave Coombs, a Disney World spokesman, celebrating a clever piece of public relations for the theme park, whose slogan is "Where dreams come true".

Warren said: "I still cannot believe that my entry has been selected – it's fantastic. What a great opportunity for Swindon."

Her prize involves a trip with her nephew, Aaron, 11, and niece, Amy, five, to Florida to unveil a "Walt Disney World twinned with Swindon" plaque.

In January, Disney World will send a parade of characters to "bring a whole lot of Disney magic" to the town. The opportunity to claim twinned status only lasts a year.

"I can't believe that Swindon has won despite the bad press," said Anne Snelgrove, the South Swindon Labour MP, who was quick to try to turn the announcement to political advantage. "I am sure I could nominate seven Tory councillors to play the seven dwarves. Their budget-setting is totally Mickey Mouse."

I think the key line here is "Disney executives picked Swindon not by visiting".

[P3nT4gR4m]

Anything involving Swindon is prolly best accomplished by not visiting.

I myself have never been there on numerous occasions.

[Cain]

I've been to Swindon, once.

Never again.

[Richter]

"Dear underclass shithole we've decided to grace this year,

We like your town a lot, we like it a real FUCKING LOT.  It looks like such fun over there, and we're tickled that you're harassed our email box and anooyed us with yourt insipid photography and catchy comparisons of your urban decay to our finely tuned money - extractor.

We like it all SO MUCH in fact, that we're going to send a whole parade of vicous fuckers in improbable costumes over there.  They'll roll in with trailers worth more than most public works projects will ever see, dress in suits that cost more than you plebians make in a year, and double your local gross revenue in the coke we blow before we parade down your rotting excuse for a front street. 

Our security people will stomp anyone who decides they love a character so much that they have to hug one, and mace and chav, oik, or cockney who decides to bitch us out for being economically empowered shitheads.  In fact, we intend to taser your youth on principle.  Our support staff will sigh and roll their eyes at the pitiful product you sell when they need to replenish anything as insignifigant as the bottled water, and pull attitude on everything else.  We will use your little hovel, and you'll be lucky if you catch a glimpse of Pete, pluto, and goofy running a train on your prom queen before we roll out. 

We're bringing some Disney to your shit, and EVERYONE will be left smiling with extreme prejudice.

PS. This is if we're feeling nice.  Otherwise we give the costumes to whatever group of racid carnies we find first and setting them on your hamlet in the name of the Mouse. 
Wish upon a star bitches.

-Disney"

[P3nT4gR4m]

[Triple Zero]

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Fuck you all, Billie Piper is the most magical thing to come out of that nation in years!

http://images.google.com/images?q=Billie+Piper&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=lnQqS9HLKsXUlAfIoOWUBw&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CBIQsAQwAA


I'd put a glass slipper on her any day!

[Freeky]

LIEK, OMG TIWNZORS! LOLOLOL!

[P3nT4gR4m]

Fuck you all, Billie Piper is the most magical thing to come out of that nation in years!

http://images.google.com/images?q=Billie+Piper&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=lnQqS9HLKsXUlAfIoOWUBw&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CBIQsAQwAA


I'd put a glass slipper on her any day!

You've obviously never seen Melinda Messenger's tits

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Fuck you all, Billie Piper is the most magical thing to come out of that nation in years!

http://images.google.com/images?q=Billie+Piper&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=lnQqS9HLKsXUlAfIoOWUBw&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CBIQsAQwAA


I'd put a glass slipper on her any day!

You've obviously never seen Melinda Messenger's tits

*google*

*blink*



So then Billie is the number one thing to come out of Britain and those are numbers two and three, respectively. You could 'Bibbity Bobity Bo' a double-decker coach out of those pumpkins!!!

[LMNO]

I think Sophie Howard is gonna get pissed.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Is sophie from swindon?

[LMNO]

No, but Rat opened up the playing field to "Britain" in his last post, so...

[P3nT4gR4m]

True!

Sophie Howard = second best tits in teh UK

bestestest = Michelle Marsh, on grounds of overall nipple superiority

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Doesn't matter Billie still beats them both and therefore Swinton is the most magical place in the UK.

After all, the other girls may have boobs, but Billie was the hottest companion the Doctor has ever had...