Thoughts that crossed my mind on a Tuesday in December

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Something occurred to me today that seemed impossible; I've known him (that one, yes, you know which one I mean) for 2 and a half years. How? I am trying to do timelines in my head, and thinking of one friend I've known for going on five years, and another friend for over ten. Friends I just met, like you when I just started hanging out with you that one time, when that one guy you were in love with was sleeping with her too and you decided you would keep her and dump him. You made the right decision, I think we can all agree on that.

Also, hey you, other friend, remember that time your girlfriend threw bottles at your head, screaming in the street, because you told her I was a better kisser? That was a dick thing to say, by the way, but you know what, I'm glad you did because she was crazy and bad for you, and I got to keep your friendship even after all of that.

Time goes by so, so fast. Impossibly fast. And now it is winter of 2009, about to be 2010.

I was looking at him (that one) in my office today and we were laughing about something, and he said I should change my avatar on some networking site so I did and then I realized that I had changed it to a picture taken almost exactly a year ago, when I first bought my favorite big black coat and my heart was completely, utterly broken over him, and I thought at him, I was so in love with you, how is that possible? How is it possible that I can be so comfortable with you now, just barely a year later, and yet not have that old yearning? Not even any, at all?

I suppose these things are good. Hopeful. Time moves on and while the feelings never stop being as overwhelming as they were when we were new, healing is still inevitable, even as we get older. And yet, it won't be that much longer before we'll be so old, and all of the compromises that we made because we felt like we had to will be all there is in place of the opportunities we didn't take. So there is a sorrow, as well a sweetness, to looking at that fuzzy-headed, lovely man with his wide warm laugh and feeling only the softer love of friendship for him, in place of what used to be an all-encompassing need to be with him always. Only affection, and a very small sorrow that the safe road he chose didn't lead to anyone's happiness, least of all his own.

[NotPublished]

 

Holy crap, that is very personal Nigel ...
I understand it all too well.

[Freeky]

[Richter]

Shit Nigel....
!