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There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.

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Started by Golden Applesauce, January 13, 2010, 04:57:22 AM

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Golden Applesauce

IN THE BEGINNING:

Everything was CHAOS, which is notoriously hard to work with.  It came to pass that a piece of chalk (which was made of CHAOS, naturally) was procured and used to mark the CHAOS into sections.  This made things much easier. It was now possible to ignore a great deal of CHAOS (for example, the sections like those marked "Things That Don't Really Exist", "Things That Can't Hurt You", "Africa", and "Barbers Who Don't Shave Themselves") while focusing on parts with labels like "Good", "Interesting", "Things That I Can Have Sex With", and "Things That Are Useful In The Part Of CHAOS Called 'The Real World'".  It's a pastime of people (which are little sub-sections of the one marked "Things That Are Hard To Categorize") to go around making their own labels.  Some people like to work together, and use each other's labels (you can categorize more stuff this way); others work independently (that way, you can put all the labels right where you want them).  At some point the practice of keeping little sections marked "Areas Of CHAOS That Somebody Mislabeled" got established, and spawned endless additional practices, a great deal of which are found in areas with labels like "Strife", "Categorizing Somebody As A Malicious Fool", "Yelling Really Loudly", and "Open Warfare".  This wasn't that bad for a grand total of 1.4 seconds before everybody agreed to extend the zone of "Things That Really Are That Bad" to encompass the entirety of "Things That Happen When CHAOS Gets Mislabeled".  After that first debacle, people have spent a great deal of time and effort trying to make sure that every label is itself a member of "Labels That Are Correct", and also a great deal of time on subproblems like trying to populate a region called "Ways To Tell If A Given Piece of CHAOS Is Labeled Correctly" - so far the intersection of that one and "Things A Significant Fraction Of Things People Agree On" is empty.  Suprisingly, few have questioned the decision to include "The State Of A Label Being Correct" under "Things That Can And Should Be Achieved."

IN THE PRESENT TIME:
Everything is still CHAOS.  Whether or not this is a good idea is open to debate, but so far nobody has suggested anything other than "Null Universe", which we don't like very much.
Q: How regularly do you hire 8th graders?
A: We have hired a number of FORMER 8th graders.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


LMNO

That was awesome.

With permission, I would like to attempt to condense that into a Chao te Ching chapter.

Cramulus


hooplala

"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

The Good Reverend Roger

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

BabylonHoruv

This has a very principian feel to it to me.
You're a special case, Babylon.  You are offensive even when you don't post.

Merely by being alive, you make everyone just a little more miserable

-Dok Howl

Golden Applesauce

Q: How regularly do you hire 8th graders?
A: We have hired a number of FORMER 8th graders.

Bebek Sincap Ratatosk

All right. Fuck it. This single post is 8000 times better than anything I've posted this week. I'm done arguing about stupid shit... back to the creativity... I got me some labels to stick on stuff!

Thanks GA!!!

- I don't see race. I just see cars going around in a circle.

"Back in my day, crazy meant something. Now everyone is crazy" - Charlie Manson