Principia Discordia > Discordian Recipes

ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.

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East Coast Hustle:
Brand: Four Loko

Flavor: "Loko Uva"

Booze: 12%

Serving Size: 23.5 oz.

Stimulants: Taurine, Guarana, Caffeine

Other Known Ingredients: Artificial Flavor, FD&C Red #40, FD&C Blue #1

Tastes Like: A mix of grape soda and paint thinner

Verdict: Barely tolerable, as long as you're thirsty and it's kept ICE cold. Will probably drink again someday.

Rating (out of ten points): 3

East Coast Hustle:
Brand: Joose

Flavor: "Jungle Joose"

Booze: 9.9%

Serving Size: 23.5 oz.

Stimulants: Taurine, Ginseng, Caffeine

Other Known Ingredients: Certified Color, FD&C Yellow #5

Tastes Like: Equal parts Sweet 'n' Low, buttered popcorn, and burnt clutch.

Verdict: Hutus wouldn't have made Tutsis drink this stuff during the Rwandan genocide. If I were Haitian, drinking this would be the worst thing that happened to me this week. Would only purchase again for use as an insecticide.

Rating: Zero. As in, zero redeeming qualities. And zero chance I will ever drink it again.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel:
That sounds ghastly!


East Coast Hustle:

--- Quote from: The Right Reverend Nigel on January 15, 2010, 05:04:19 am ---That sounds ghastly!

--- End quote ---

I take these risks so you won't have to.


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