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ITT, I review alcoholic energy drinks for SCIENCE.

Started by East Coast Hustle, January 15, 2010, 04:53:44 AM

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Dimocritus

Quote from: Emerald City Hustle on January 15, 2010, 05:02:50 AM
Brand: Joose

Flavor: "Jungle Joose"

Booze: 9.9%

Serving Size: 23.5 oz.

Stimulants: Taurine, Ginseng, Caffeine

Other Known Ingredients: Certified Color, FD&C Yellow #5

Tastes Like: Equal parts Sweet 'n' Low, buttered popcorn, and burnt clutch.

Verdict: Hutus wouldn't have made Tutsis drink this stuff during the Rwandan genocide. If I were Haitian, drinking this would be the worst thing that happened to me this week. Would only purchase again for use as an insecticide.

Rating: Zero. As in, zero redeeming qualities. And zero chance I will ever drink it again.

Joose is amazingly terrible. I have now sampled every flavor. They are all terrible. Like Con-Air terrible (in the sense that it's so bad you actually start to enjoy it). The buzz is deadly, as well, if you drink enough. That 9.9 sneaks up on you pretty quick. And the resulting hangover provides the feeling of a belly full of thumb-tacks. Bad things happen when the Joose is loose...
HOUSE OF GABCab ~ "caecus plumbum caecus"

Suu

Quote from: Jenne on January 15, 2010, 09:40:14 PM
...curious...we still get Sparks here in SD...

Just because they stopped making it, doesn't mean there still isn't enough supply kicking around.  :horrormirth:
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Iason Ouabache

I've got this strange feeling that ECH will never be able to find a good alcoholic energy drink.
You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck i do not give.
    \
┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘

Rumckle

Sure he will, just crush caffeine tablets into a powder and stir into his favourite beer.
It's not trolling, it's just satire.

Chief Uwachiquen

Quote from: Rumckle on January 18, 2010, 10:14:13 AM
Sure he will, just crush caffeine tablets into a powder and stir into his favourite beer.

Or crystal meth. It's crystal meth in a can. Power Thirst is Crystal Meth in a can.

East Coast Hustle

now I'm intrigued. What is this "Power Thirst"?

also, Suu, they totally still make Sparks. It's like the new MD 20/20 out here, in that any self-respecting high school kid has a couple cans in their backpack. They may have dropped it from the NE market, though, as I recall not seeing it anywhere in ME, NH, or MA for a couple of years now.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Suu

Quote from: Chief Uwachiquen on January 18, 2010, 10:30:34 AM
Quote from: Rumckle on January 18, 2010, 10:14:13 AM
Sure he will, just crush caffeine tablets into a powder and stir into his favourite beer.

Or crystal meth. It's crystal meth in a can. Power Thirst is Crystal Meth in a can.

Warning: MAY CONTAIN ANNA KOURNIKOVA
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Suu

Quote from: Emerald City Hustle on January 18, 2010, 05:53:14 PM
now I'm intrigued. What is this "Power Thirst"?

also, Suu, they totally still make Sparks. It's like the new MD 20/20 out here, in that any self-respecting high school kid has a couple cans in their backpack. They may have dropped it from the NE market, though, as I recall not seeing it anywhere in ME, NH, or MA for a couple of years now.

That's because everyone out here just drinks Jagerbombs.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Cain

There is only one "good" alcoholic energry drink and that is a triple vodka and red bull.  And even that is questionable by most standards of taste and decency.

East Coast Hustle

ECH's post-prep pre-lunch-rush breakfast of choice when working:

combine in blender:

1 banana (peeled)
1 raw egg (shell can be discarded, if preferred)
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup frozen strawberries
1/2 cup milk
1 cup decent brandy or rum

blend until smooth, then pour into a 22oz. mug until about 1/2 to 2/3 full.
top mug off with 1/2 can of fruit punch-flavored Nos Energy Drink
stir gently with spoon to mix, then pound it down.

repeat, as you will usually end up with enough to make two mugs.

you won't have to eat for a good 12 hours and you will be totally ready to fistfight a rhino.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Freeky

Quote from: Emerald City Hustle on January 18, 2010, 08:16:18 PM
ECH's post-prep pre-lunch-rush breakfast of choice when working:

combine in blender:

1 banana (peeled)
1 raw egg (shell can be discarded, if preferred)
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup frozen strawberries
1/2 cup milk
1 cup decent brandy or rum

blend until smooth, then pour into a 22oz. mug until about 1/2 to 2/3 full.
top mug off with 1/2 can of fruit punch-flavored Nos Energy Drink
stir gently with spoon to mix, then pound it down.

repeat, as you will usually end up with enough to make two mugs.

you won't have to eat for a good 12 hours and you will be totally ready to fistfight a rhino.

Copied, pasted, printed.

Suu

Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Dysfunctional Cunt

Quote from: Suu on January 18, 2010, 09:39:38 PM
I get nervous with raw eggs.

I think with that much rum, the egg is pretty much cooked.  But, they say egg substitutes don't have the same issues but all the same protien.  IDK, the thought of raw eggs is just EWWW to me.  I can drink the rest of it!!




East Coast Hustle

you never notice the raw egg blended in with all that stuff. And I've been eating eggs raw and/or over-easy for most of my life and have never gotten sick from it once. the trick with raw egg is to not let it sit out at room temp for long, and to be sure to wash the shells (gently) before you crack the eggs open in the first place.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Sir Squid Diddimus

They also make pasteurized eggs, or you can gently lower it into boiling water for 1 minute then stick it in an ice bath.
I'm not scared of eggs, I've eaten shit WAY SCARIER from the back of my fridge  :lol: