LMNO, please arrange a padded room.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Things have come to a head, LMNO.  The engineer won't engineer because it's easier to cross his arms across his big fat gut and proclaim that it won't work because he didn't think of it.  The Planner can't do his job, because he's too busy doing the warehouse manager's job, and the warehouse manager is an un-fireable fixture whose pants have bonded with the fabric on his chair.

In this economy, it's like being in a lifeboat with a pile of screaming monkeys.  A few of them are pulling up the planks to see what's underneath, nobody will bail because it's "not their job", one is proclaiming that nothing is wrong, and one is telling me that lifeboats can't be improved because if they could, someone would have done it already.

What I NEED is a flamethrower.  And a big fucking front end loader.  And maybe a B52 bomber.  And a big fucking tank full of piranha.  I need to push this whole fucking city off of a cliff and watch it burn on the rocks at the bottom.  I need a harpoon gun.

If I can't have all those things, then I need you to arrange a padded room.  Not for me, Lord knows I'M fine.  No, I need this room to jam all the monkeys into.  Scratch that, I don't need a padded room.  I need a room lined with jagged spikes and razor wire, and the sprinklers should turn on at random times and rain iodine all over the room.  There should be a large Lexan window, so that I can properly enjoy the results.

Shoot me a quote, and I'll set up a PO number.  Don't give me any shit about lead times, either, because I need this shit NOW.  There is no TIME for minutia like "laws" and "Oh god what are you DOING to that fat guy?".  No, there is only time for screaming and thumping noises and words like "flense". 

OR

JUST

FUCKING

KILL ME!

[Payne]

Flense is a Good Word.

So is "Rusty", "Whaling", "Hook", "Duct", "Taped", "To", "Each" and "Hand".

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Flense is a Good Word.

So is "Rusty", "Whaling", "Hook", "Duct", "Taped", "To", "Each" and "Hand".

YES.

It occurs to me that I have many blowtorches, too.

[Payne]

Roger, I present to you A Checklist:

Duct Tape
Assless Chaps
Blow Torches
Whale (for demonstrative purposes)
Whaling Hooks (rusty)
Jet Pack (can be substituted for Two Rocket Boots)
Various Scythes and Large Razors
German Spiked Military Helmet
Bandoleer With Many Multicoloured LED Lights
CD of Die Walküre
Cameraman
More Duct Tape
Teddy, For Their Ghetto Shrine
Magnificent Facial Hair
"Palin/Cthulu 2012" Bumper Sticker
Pink Feather Boa (reinforced with barbed wire, also pink)
Vat of Semi Congealed Blood
Priest of Any Denomination
A Good Hat

[Freeky]

You forgot Nigel's dildoes, Payne.

[Payne]

Various Scythes and Large Razors

^^^

[Freeky]

Ah. My bad.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

I'm sorry about your personal hell, TGRR.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm sorry about your personal hell, TGRR.

Feel better now.  Am going to go give it back to the people that gave it to me.

There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Also, I caught shit today about "the love letter".     Obviously, I denied everything.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm sorry about your personal hell, TGRR.

Feel better now.  Am going to go give it back to the people that gave it to me.

There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Also, I caught shit today about "the love letter".     Obviously, I denied everything.

GIVE THEM HELL.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm sorry about your personal hell, TGRR.

Feel better now.  Am going to go give it back to the people that gave it to me.

There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Also, I caught shit today about "the love letter".     Obviously, I denied everything.

GIVE THEM HELL.

There is a wall.  They will meet it.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

CD of Die Walküre

This is more of a Karl Orff Carmina Burana burn down The City moment, actually.

[Richter]

I am fond of harpoons.  Not especially effective, mind you.  They are spears designed only to thrust, unlike my long bladed Norse "Hewing spear home defense system".  They also get stuck, and no one can blame them.  STUCK is the job of any barbed object, the physics of flesh told me so.  

Harpoons are great because they are not weapons, as such.  They are hunting tools.  
Approach a man with a weapon, and there is the mindset of fighting, as that crusty Miyamoto cat would say.  With a harpoon though, you are going to spear and HARVEST them.  
I am thinking this is an important distinction.

Whalers used to have some with explosive heads, you know.  Imagine that set into a "Rascal" bound sedentary cetation of the land...

[Payne]

CD of Die Walküre

This is more of a Karl Orff Carmina Burana burn down The City moment, actually.

I dunno, it was good enough for old Adolf, and that guy really knew how to burn shit down.

But it's all a case of personal taste I suppose.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I am fond of harpoons.  Not especially effective, mind you.  They are spears designed only to thrust, unlike my long bladed Norse "Hewing spear home defense system".  They also get stuck, and no one can blame them.  STUCK is the job of any barbed object, the physics of flesh told me so.  

Harpoons are great because they are not weapons, as such.  They are hunting tools.  
Approach a man with a weapon, and there is the mindset of fighting, as that crusty Miyamoto cat would say.  With a harpoon though, you are going to spear and HARVEST them.  
I am thinking this is an important distinction.

Whalers used to have some with explosive heads, you know.  Imagine that set into a "Rascal" bound sedentary cetation of the land...

All of your points are good, but I'd prefer the old fashioned kind, where the bastard would haul me all over the place until I collapses from exhaustion and I can get to business.  I need a little red wagon as a whaling boat.

TGRR,
Has his foot inside a coil of cable, and doesn't care.  Call me Ishmael.