Masterchef: Cain style

[Cain]

I just burnt some boiled eggs.  Boiled eggs.  I dread to think what I would do with a microwave meal.

[East Coast Hustle]

the good news is that this means you are probably overqualified to be the head chef at the hackfest I'm currently working at.

And since they hired me to be the head chef as soon as the current guy leaves (or is pushed out), and since I plan on quitting as soon as I clock a couple of paychecks, there will be an opening.

[Cain]

That bad, eh?

I'd also like it to be noted I had to show my boss how to do smothered chicken the other day.  I have to work with him two days a week with him as the main chef, and he apparently doesn't know how to make anything more complicated than a hamburger, and he has to ask me, Burnt Boiled Eggs Guy, for advice 

[Freeky]

 

[East Coast Hustle]

That bad, eh?

I'd also like it to be noted I had to show my boss how to do smothered chicken the other day.  I have to work with him two days a week with him as the main chef, and he apparently doesn't know how to make anything more complicated than a hamburger, and he has to ask me, Burnt Boiled Eggs Guy, for advice 

I stood there and watched as the guy running the saute station did EVERYTHING wrong in making the sauce for the night's dinner special, a flatiron steak with a strange sauce that I cannot quite understand...

1. used "butter substitute"

2. before pan was even close to hot, added minced garlic and shallots

3. added chopped artichokes. yeah, chopped artichokes on a steak. WTF.

4. added a bunch of mass-produced "demi-glaze" sauce.

5. added some madeira wine AFTER adding the industrial demi-glaze sauce and still BEFORE the pan was really hot.

6. had to cook it forever to get all the booze boiled off, lost track of it, over-reduced it, and...

7. FUCKING RECONSTITUTED IT WITH MORE MADEIRA AFTER IT WAS OFF THE BURNER. JUST STIRRED IT IN TO THIN IT OUT AND POURED THAT SHIT RIGHT OVER THAT PIECE OF SHOELEATHER FORMERLY KNOWN AS A STEAK. AND SERVED IT. TO A CUSTOMER.

8. Oh, and also I cooked off some fettucini noodles to perfect al dente, and was told AFTER shocking them and cooling them that "Oh, you have to cook those more, to like, 'all the way done'. We just reheat them in the microwave so they don't get cooked more."



I need a paycheck, but I don't know how long I'm going to be able to stand this.

[LMNO]

I nominate ECH to become the Gordon Ramsey of the Pacific Northwest.

[East Coast Hustle]

Oh, but at least I get leered at by creepy old men. So there's that.

[Jenne]

Pardon my continuing the threadjack, but where is this, ECH?  Is this the gig in Seattle?

[East Coast Hustle]

yeah, I meant to commiserate more than threadjack, but it's in Portland.

[Triple Zero]

man, ECH, I feel for ya, that must be frustrating to no end ..

[Triple Zero]

yeah, I meant to commiserate more than threadjack, but it's in Portland.

Oh yeah, that's right.

Damn Cain, sucks about your egg too.

[Cain]

Its not a serious thread, I don't mind threadjacking.  Also it was eggs.  Multiple.  I wanted enough to make curry egg sandwiches, since I used to have them as a kid and was feeling nostalgic.

Also, I'm not really a sauce guy, unless absolutely needed I only do salads and vegetables and starters, but every single one of those points made me cringe like hell.  Especially the butter substitute, since I've only ever tasted one that actually was anything like butter.

[Kai]

That bad, eh?

I'd also like it to be noted I had to show my boss how to do smothered chicken the other day.  I have to work with him two days a week with him as the main chef, and he apparently doesn't know how to make anything more complicated than a hamburger, and he has to ask me, Burnt Boiled Eggs Guy, for advice 

I stood there and watched as the guy running the saute station did EVERYTHING wrong in making the sauce for the night's dinner special, a flatiron steak with a strange sauce that I cannot quite understand...

1. used "butter substitute"

2. before pan was even close to hot, added minced garlic and shallots

3. added chopped artichokes. yeah, chopped artichokes on a steak. WTF.

4. added a bunch of mass-produced "demi-glaze" sauce.

5. added some madeira wine AFTER adding the industrial demi-glaze sauce and still BEFORE the pan was really hot.

6. had to cook it forever to get all the booze boiled off, lost track of it, over-reduced it, and...

7. FUCKING RECONSTITUTED IT WITH MORE MADEIRA AFTER IT WAS OFF THE BURNER. JUST STIRRED IT IN TO THIN IT OUT AND POURED THAT SHIT RIGHT OVER THAT PIECE OF SHOELEATHER FORMERLY KNOWN AS A STEAK. AND SERVED IT. TO A CUSTOMER.

8. Oh, and also I cooked off some fettucini noodles to perfect al dente, and was told AFTER shocking them and cooling them that "Oh, you have to cook those more, to like, 'all the way done'. We just reheat them in the microwave so they don't get cooked more."



I need a paycheck, but I don't know how long I'm going to be able to stand this.

Oh god.  Even I am not that bad.

[LMNO]

In all honesty, I've been known to sweat the aromatics over low heat for a long time.


The rest of it?  Sweet merciful fuck.

[Kai]

In all honesty, I've been known to sweat the aromatics over low heat for a long time.


The rest of it?  Sweet merciful fuck.

Yeah, that part was alright...