ITT: Suu and Cain compare restaurant horror stories.

[Suu]

Nope. We have "spas".

[Suu]

So tonight was 10% night at the bistro. That means that every "mathematically challenged"  hipster art student from the neighboring overpriced art school will tip you 10% or less and set the trend for the rest of the evening.

I swear, no RISD student should be allowed to function on their own without the help of a Brown accounting student.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

Why do people pick on FL so much when your state looks like a giant bucket full of hard smelly turds with flies and everything??

[Suu]

Why do people pick on FL so much when your state looks like a giant bucket full of hard smelly turds with flies and everything??

Because between the organized crime, political corruption, indoor prostitution laws, teenage strippers, burnt down nightclubs, illegal gambling rings, abused Indian tribes, failing casinos, Swamp Yankees, AND Red Sox/Patriots fans, we still don't cover enough square mileage for the rest of the country to give a fuck.

AND we're also just out of range if Boston and New York were to get nuked. Rhode Island is strategically placed to breed evil.

Florida is just the scapegoat for the rest of the country's idiocy.

[Iason Ouabache]

Top 100 US Cities with Largest Land Areas: http://www.city-data.com/top8.html

If Rhode Island was a city it would be 91st.  

(Granted, most of those "cities" have a population density somewhere around 2 people/sq mile but it's still funny, dammit!)

[Cain]

So, the jig is up.

I've been keeping up a facade of obsfucating stupidity at work, my actual job requirements aside, because...well, there is no point in just giving my bosses information for free.  Plus if they were genuinely bad as I suspected, I wanted to have a plausible cover for when I started throwing sand in gears.

Unfortunately, today, my boss' wife was in the middle of asking me for some information, needed for taxes or something, when someone else on the bar pointed out that our old bosses left our CV's behind when they left, and those would have all the information she needed.  So by the time I go back to work on Monday they'll not only know they have a virtual irregular warfare expert working for them, but that I was trying to keep them from finding out.

[LMNO]

With any luck, they won't know what the hell any of that means.

[Cain]

I dunno.  I wrote out my individual module choices, with such clarity inducing names as "Irregular Warfare, Insurgency and Guerrilla Warfare"

Not to mention the internship where I studied critical infrastructure protection, which five minutes with Google will tell you is basically white-hat sabotage studies.

[East Coast Hustle]

yeah, but our "5 minutes with google" is most peoples' "never gonna find THAT out".

[East Coast Hustle]

also, screw you both. MY restaurant (I use the term loosely) doesn't know what a roux is. They literally thicken EVERYTHING with cornstarch, except in the instances where they just use prepackaged gravy mix. And all of our proteins except for our burger patties come out of a freezer.

OH AND DID I FUCKING MENTION THAT THEY PUT OIL IN THE PASTA WATER? DID I? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK!!!!!!

I hate my new job. Badly.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

also, screw you both. MY restaurant (I use the term loosely) doesn't know what a roux is. They literally thicken EVERYTHING with cornstarch, except in the instances where they just use prepackaged gravy mix. And all of our proteins except for our burger patties come out of a freezer.

OH AND DID I FUCKING MENTION THAT THEY PUT OIL IN THE PASTA WATER? DID I? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK!!!!!!

I hate my new job. Badly.

Wait.  You got a job?  I can't decide whether to congratulate you or commiserate with you, based on this post.

Actually, wait.  Oil in the pasta water? 

Kill them, ECH.  There's isn't a jury that would convict you.

[Triple Zero]

I dunno.  I wrote out my individual module choices, with such clarity inducing names as "Irregular Warfare, Insurgency and Guerrilla Warfare"

Not to mention the internship where I studied critical infrastructure protection, which five minutes with Google will tell you is basically white-hat sabotage studies.

going by your previous descriptions, that still leaves a fairly good chance that all of that information will just zoom past their heads.

and that they will just look up that information they need (social security number, birthdate, etc I assume) glance at the rest, think "oh, boring political college-y stuff" and ignore it, let alone type it into Google.

regardless, playing it as if there is nothing odd to notice about your CV would be the proper way to handle this whether they understand what it says or not, right?

[Suu]

My owner is now executive chef... SOMEBODY HELP ME!

[Cain]

I dunno.  I wrote out my individual module choices, with such clarity inducing names as "Irregular Warfare, Insurgency and Guerrilla Warfare"

Not to mention the internship where I studied critical infrastructure protection, which five minutes with Google will tell you is basically white-hat sabotage studies.

going by your previous descriptions, that still leaves a fairly good chance that all of that information will just zoom past their heads.

and that they will just look up that information they need (social security number, birthdate, etc I assume) glance at the rest, think "oh, boring political college-y stuff" and ignore it, let alone type it into Google.

regardless, playing it as if there is nothing odd to notice about your CV would be the proper way to handle this whether they understand what it says or not, right?

Maybe, maybe not.  The fact I went to some length to downplay or not mention it will certainly be noticed...plus this is the guy who goes everywhere with a bodyguard.  He may be slightly paranoid.

also, screw you both. MY restaurant (I use the term loosely) doesn't know what a roux is. They literally thicken EVERYTHING with cornstarch, except in the instances where they just use prepackaged gravy mix. And all of our proteins except for our burger patties come out of a freezer.

OH AND DID I FUCKING MENTION THAT THEY PUT OIL IN THE PASTA WATER? DID I? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK!!!!!!

I hate my new job. Badly.

Although, my boss is still preferable to this.  There are no excuses for any of that shit.  I thought we were somewhat overreliant on prepped and frozen food, but we make fresh pie fillings, curries and several other things every few days.  As for the other stuff...don't even go there.

[Cain]

My owner is now executive chef... SOMEBODY HELP ME!

Saucepan to the temple and put his body in the large bins out the back.  No-one need ever know.