Science, Kai...Pure Science, and be Damned to He Who Says "Enough".

[Doktor Howl]

Yesterday, while I was soldering the first connections on my optical stunner, it occurred to me that the world isn't ready for you, Kai.  They aren't ready for understanding the rules of how the universe works...because the universe is a cold, empty place, and even contemplating it sets off all their primate rage instincts.

No, Kai, you are doomed to be the scapegoat of the Know-Nothings, the Tea Partiers, and the corporate interests that want to keep the population ignorant.  With this in mind, I am here to attempt to convert you to Mad Science.  Allow me to explain the benefits, as they compare to regular science:

1.  Regular scientists drive sensible transportation.  Mad scientists drive chopped hearses with built in weaponry.

2.  Regular scientists define a wild party as three different bean dips.  Mad scientists define a wild party as fighting the giant squid in the basement.

3.  Regular scientists go on a date, and it's dinner and a movie.  Mad scientists just strap their date to the slab and get busy.

4.  Regular scientists retire at 70.  Mad scientists go down swinging when the hero blows up their base (and we usually escape to menace the world later on, with cybernetic parts replacing the bits we lost).  Pissing yourself in the old folks home, or howling in fury in a burning/collapsing/self-destructing volcano hideout?  You choose.

5.  Regular scientists ride those silly backwards bikes to stay in shape.  Mad scientists wear a full body waldo and throw cars around while laughing maniacally.  Laughing maniacally, Kai.  When's the last time you did that?

6.  Regular scientists secretly yearn to be mad scientists.  Mad scientists secretly yearn to CONQUER THE WORLD WITH AN ARMY OF RADIOACTIVE GORILLAS!

People fear science, Kai.  But who's afraid of a mad scientist?  Fucking nobody.

[LMNO]

Well, hell.  I'm on board.

[Doktor Howl]

Well, hell.  I'm on board.

Yeah, benefit #3 is a real draw.

[Richter]

This is what we need.  This is not longer nancing about with "Ethics"  or "pre - production market studies".  This is taking our megalomania out for a walk, our ideas by the balls, pointing them at the world and pulling the trigger.  Prototype?  EVERYTHING IS PROTOTYPE!  "Production" is jsut getting a few thousand fucks to test to failure for you.

No more tiptoeing around Gods, Myths, or Heroes, when we have death rays that will end the discussion. 

[Salty]

So, is there a specific degree one may aquire or is this just something you fall into like a vat of noxious chemicals?

[Doktor Howl]

So, is there a specific degree one may aquire or is this just something you fall into like a vat of noxious chemicals?

Neither.  It's a mindset.  Do you learn to use the odd bits of technology around you and use them for your own amusement, or not?  Also, are you FOR or AGAINST destroying the major metropolis of your choice?

[tyrannosaurus vex]

TITCM.

[Richter]

Signs / Symptoms you or your child MAY be inclined towards Mad Science!

Echodomina - "FOOLS! I'LL DESTROY THEM ALL!", "IT LIVES!", "THE WORLD WILL BE MINE!", or other megalomanical statements.

Contructions of Grandeur - Some madmen simply THINK they are Napoleon.  If you or a loved one is building a Mecha - Napoleon to chalenge the pan - slavic horde, please consult the local military.

Cackling laugh

Geekign Out - When engineering, chemistry, software, cooking, armoring, weaponcrafting, smithing, psychology, propaganda and dissembling, or any other simialr / related field comes up, and long, focused discussions on how to do it BETTER / FASTER / HARDER / MORE POWERFUL / BIGGER, etc.  occur, stay out and shut up.  They're having fun.

Grumpy when disturbed - If subject is intent on a project, stay out of their arispace.  Jackass.

Subtle and Quick to Anger - The constant churning of the mind leads to a certain complex wit and boredom with those who cannot keep up.  If you don't udnerstand, go home and think about it.  They were likely pondering 2-5 steps ahead of you, and keeping track of multiple possibilities.    

If you think a loved one may be having a problem with Mad Science, bring them an awesome sammich and a caffeinated beverage.  They'll be less likely to destroy you later.

[Doktor Howl]

Geekign Out - When engineering, chemistry, software, cooking, armoring, weaponcrafting, smithing, psychology, propaganda and dissembling, or any other simialr / related field comes up, and long, focused discussions on how to do it BETTER / FASTER / HARDER / MORE POWERFUL / BIGGER, etc.  occur, stay out and shut up.  They're having fun.

This.  Doktor Howl is all about the gadgets.

[Salty]

Excellent!

I have this idea for an automated massage chair, the kind you see stationed in malls.

It would at first lull its victim subject into a state of relaxation, then after a soothing voiced, yet-none-the-less-menacing "warning", clamps unseen by passersby, would lock the subject in place.

This would, of course, be followed by a hollow steel rod being thrust into the brain. The rod would swap out unused (most of it) brain matter and replace it with implants designed to exert control over the subject without interfering with its day-to-day activities. The subject would then leave the chair looking refreshed and relaxed and continue on to Orange Julious and The Gap. The implants would be activated at leisure once enough subjects have been gathered creating in one stroke an army of automatons. 

The chairs would be coin-operated to cover the overhead.

[LMNO]

Question:  Can I use Quantum?

[Jasper]

This is exactly the best sort of thing.  Mad Science in the borne of pure Discord.

I propose we create a new PDcom organization, for the advancement of mad science.

[Cain]

"Enough".

Also, a model for all aspiring Mad Scientists in this modern era:

Dr. Walter Bishop: Now... Let's go synthesize some LSD!

Peter Bishop: You brought your own sweetener?
Dr. Walter Bishop: Don't be ridiculous. My medication.
Peter Bishop: You're not on any medication, Walter.
Dr. Walter Bishop: Of course I am. I've been making it myself in the lab.
Peter Bishop: Oh, I wish you were joking.

Peter Bishop: Walter, what are you doing?
Dr. Walter Bishop: Dosing a caterpillar
Peter Bishop: Dosing? As in LSD?
Dr. Walter Bishop: Well, it's a special blend.
Peter Bishop: Hey guess what just happened?
Dr. Walter Bishop: Huh?
Peter Bishop: Finding out that my father is giving drugs to bugs just became a typical moment in my life.
Dr. Walter Bishop: It's wonderful, isn't it?

Walter Bishop: Once you are given the order to put on the headphones, do not remove them under any circumstances. If you do, you may die a gruesome and horrible death. Thank you for your attention and have a nice day.

OLIVIA: Walter, what was the Bible for?
WALTER: Well, you're taking untested psychedelics, lying in saline with an electrical charge in the base of your cranium. Among other things, I thought it appropriate to pray you don't get electrocuted.
OLIVIA: Praise the Lord.
WALTER: Amen.

Dr. Walter Bishop: We're all mutants. What's more remarkable is how many of us appear to be normal.

Astrid Farnsworth: Wait, you want to rewire his brain?
Dr. Walter Bishop: Not without his permission. It would be a minor surgery.
Peter Bishop: Minor brain surgery. Emphasis not on the minor.

Dr. Walter Bishop: To understand what happened at the diner, we use Mr. Papaya. [he places the papaya in the container and steps back] This is upsetting because he is the friendliest of fruits.

[Jasper]

Oh.  My.  God.

[LMNO]

I have to ask:  What the fuck was that?