Let's talk about the weather.

[Thurnez Isa]

to OP:
talking about the weather is akin to going to strip club and asking the strippers name. Part of living in a society, we're strangers to each other so we try to connect with each other using anything we may have in common.

[Doktor Howl]

So my effort to produce regular content that means something substantial to me is akin to tweeting.

That makes me so angry right now.

As does a "how's the fucking weather thread" in OKM.

And why are you angry?  You didn't start this thread...did you?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I re-read the OP and it does belong here.

Somehow people (including myself) mistook his point as being a literal "let's talk about the weather" thread, rather than what I think he meant by it; we isolate ourselves too much, why not create openings for connection with those about us, even if it means banal introductions like "how 'bout that rain today?"

[Jenne]

I live in San Diego...the weather rarely budgets within +10'F of 70.

ETA:  But I know what you mean.  That's why I rarely answer "How are you doin'?" with "Fine" like most everyone else.   I actually put the person off a weensy bit by answering with an honest "sometimes pretty bad, but right now I'm functioning" or something similar.  It puts a jog in the conversation and lets the person know if they're going to inquire about how I'm doing, they're not gonna get a bullshit answer.

I know someone who uses "I am well and comfortable" habitually. I think she just really is that way quite often, but it's nice how it puts people off because it's not a regular response.

Exactly.  I usually point out, if I don't say something else rather pithy but straight to the point, "better than most, worse than some," or "could be better, could be worse" etc.  NEVER FINE. 

Plus, as I've shared before, the 12-Step answer for what "FINE" means has stuck in my brain forever (fucked up.insecure.narcisstic.egomaniac), so I don't like to use it period.  It's really a non-answer, and tells people "I'm not really going to answer this, so that we're both comfortable in a social setting."

[Jenne]

I re-read the OP and it does belong here.

Somehow people (including myself) mistook his point as being a literal "let's talk about the weather" thread, rather than what I think he meant by it; we isolate ourselves too much, why not create openings for connection with those about us, even if it means banal introductions like "how 'bout that rain today?"

Exactly.  That's how I answered this thread, Kai picked up on it, thankfully. 

[Jenne]

to OP:
talking about the weather is akin to going to strip club and asking the strippers name. Part of living in a society, we're strangers to each other so we try to connect with each other using anything we may have in common.

Yeah, and it's also something that's societally "safe."  It's the ice-breaker that usually flops, though, because it's so cliched.  It gets at something finite, and it really doesn't bring anyone that much closer.  But it's polemics, and it's unchangable at the end of the day.

Also, TI, interesting analogy. 

[Faust]

to OP:
talking about the weather is akin to going to strip club and asking the strippers name. Part of living in a society, we're strangers to each other so we try to connect with each other using anything we may have in common.

Yeah, and it's also something that's societally "safe."  It's the ice-breaker that usually flops, though, because it's so cliched.  It gets at something finite, and it really doesn't bring anyone that much closer.  But it's polemics, and it's unchangable at the end of the day.

Also, TI, interesting analogy.  

It depends, I find relating to people while I am working and serving customers in some way that isn't some horrible pun or mean joke I always feel alien trying to bridge the gap with them and I have gotten pretty good at spinning around the weather question to something interesting
"lovely weather today"
"not a day to be indoors, any plans for it?"
It shifts it and tries to create a personal bond.

It fell flat on its ass at first but working for a while with the public gets you used to that as a question.

[Doktor Howl]

I usually don't use ice-breakers.  I find them annoying.  This causes me some problems, as you might well imagine, because it IS kind of rude, or at least unusual enough to be off-putting.

[Jasper]

I don't find it off-putting.  Whenever people nervously tiptoe and try to "break the ice" around me, it makes me nervous too.  I think it's all down to nonverbal communication.

[Faust]

I usually don't use ice-breakers.  I find them annoying.  This causes me some problems, as you might well imagine, because it IS kind of rude, or at least unusual enough to be off-putting.

Just use some with colourful flair
"Ever been sucked by a man who sucks mangoes for a living?"

[Jenne]

to OP:
talking about the weather is akin to going to strip club and asking the strippers name. Part of living in a society, we're strangers to each other so we try to connect with each other using anything we may have in common.

Yeah, and it's also something that's societally "safe."  It's the ice-breaker that usually flops, though, because it's so cliched.  It gets at something finite, and it really doesn't bring anyone that much closer.  But it's polemics, and it's unchangable at the end of the day.

Also, TI, interesting analogy. 

It depends, I find relating to people while I am working and serving customers in some way that isn't some horrible pun or mean joke I always feel alien trying to bridge the gap with them and I have gotten pretty good at spinning around the weather question to something interesting
"lovely weather today"
"not a day to be indoors, any plans for it?"
It shifts it and tries to create a personal bond.

It fell flat on its ass at first but working for a while with the public gets you used to that as a question.

Aha!  That's exactly what I'm talking about (you all realize this is mindcandy for the applied linguist, yeah?).  You flipped the script over and inserted your own line, meanwhile keeping an actual on-topic answer that leaves the interlocutor momentarily confused as to several things all at once.

Hence the sort of awkward silence that ensues until they actually figure out they CAN answer.  And so they do.  But often walk away questioning what just went on...

[Faust]

to OP:
talking about the weather is akin to going to strip club and asking the strippers name. Part of living in a society, we're strangers to each other so we try to connect with each other using anything we may have in common.

Yeah, and it's also something that's societally "safe."  It's the ice-breaker that usually flops, though, because it's so cliched.  It gets at something finite, and it really doesn't bring anyone that much closer.  But it's polemics, and it's unchangable at the end of the day.

Also, TI, interesting analogy. 

It depends, I find relating to people while I am working and serving customers in some way that isn't some horrible pun or mean joke I always feel alien trying to bridge the gap with them and I have gotten pretty good at spinning around the weather question to something interesting
"lovely weather today"
"not a day to be indoors, any plans for it?"
It shifts it and tries to create a personal bond.

It fell flat on its ass at first but working for a while with the public gets you used to that as a question.

Aha!  That's exactly what I'm talking about (you all realize this is mindcandy for the applied linguist, yeah?).  You flipped the script over and inserted your own line, meanwhile keeping an actual on-topic answer that leaves the interlocutor momentarily confused as to several things all at once.

Hence the sort of awkward silence that ensues until they actually figure out they CAN answer.  And so they do.  But often walk away questioning what just went on...

with younger people, any mothers or people over fifty would be delighted generally to spend five minutes telling you.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I live in San Diego...the weather rarely budgets within +10'F of 70.

ETA:  But I know what you mean.  That's why I rarely answer "How are you doin'?" with "Fine" like most everyone else.   I actually put the person off a weensy bit by answering with an honest "sometimes pretty bad, but right now I'm functioning" or something similar.  It puts a jog in the conversation and lets the person know if they're going to inquire about how I'm doing, they're not gonna get a bullshit answer.

I know someone who uses "I am well and comfortable" habitually. I think she just really is that way quite often, but it's nice how it puts people off because it's not a regular response.

Exactly.  I usually point out, if I don't say something else rather pithy but straight to the point, "better than most, worse than some," or "could be better, could be worse" etc.  NEVER FINE. 

Plus, as I've shared before, the 12-Step answer for what "FINE" means has stuck in my brain forever (fucked up.insecure.narcisstic.egomaniac), so I don't like to use it period.  It's really a non-answer, and tells people "I'm not really going to answer this, so that we're both comfortable in a social setting."

I tend to answer honestly, which people usually either find charming or disturbing.

[Doktor Howl]

I usually don't use ice-breakers.  I find them annoying.  This causes me some problems, as you might well imagine, because it IS kind of rude, or at least unusual enough to be off-putting.

Just use some with colourful flair
"Ever been sucked by a man who sucks mangoes for a living?"

Actually, if I'm meeting a woman I'm interested in, I usually say, "Hi, I'm Roger", maybe say something relevant to what's going on around us, and let the conversation develop naturally.

If I'm meeting anyone else, I just say what I'm thinking.  This can get kind of funny, sometimes.

[Eater of Clowns]

Dear Livejournal,

Oh my god worst day ever!  I wrote this little piece about how even simple interaction is valuable because it's so frequently avoided at all costs and this guy was all like "bad rant" and I was all like "yeah but at least I tried" except I didn't say that because it was one of those clever things I thought of way later.  Ugh I hate it when that happens.  Anyway his name is Doctor Howl, which I don't get because I don't think he's really a doctor.  I wonder if it's Howl rhyming with bowel or rhyming with bowl like J.K. Rowling is?  I should ask him, because who's afraid of Doctor Howl anyway?  Nobody.

I don't know sometimes I just feel like I really pour my heart and soul into my writing and it's too much when I get negative feedback.  It's like nobody understands me at all.  I should write about that as well, maybe I can finally get across when other people start realizing that it's not that I'm all that bad but because they don't know me so they read it wrong.  Obviously if they're reading it wrong it's their fault and not my fault for writing it in a way to be misinterpreted.

Well I'm going to end this entry because I have to go start that other piece.  I think this is going to be a really really good one, we'll see if it's more satisfying.