Dear LMNO: One of those Lazy Days.

[Kai]

Dear LMNO,

It's one of those Lazy Days today. Maybe you know the type? I'm completely unmotivated to do anything, save maybe dick around online and/or sleep. I was supposed to have a meeting with my adviser this morning, but I just sat at my desk with hands over my eyes playing with visual parallax. He wanted a rough of some parts of my thesis today, and I decided I didn't have anything for him.

So, I've locked myself in my office. The lights are out (damn unshaded ceiling flourecents; I don't know how anyone likes them), and the sunlight is coming in through the windows. I've got my coat on with the hood up; it was 30 degrees this morning, and my hair is still wet.

I haven't decided if I'm going to actually do anything yet today, if you know what I mean. I could probably get away with it easy. This lab has been dead recently, all the other students either off doing research or never come in. With the lights out and the door shut, it looks like nobody is home. There are things I can do, yes. There are samples to identify, books to read, things to write and plan, and lo, even a thesis to produce. I just have no motivation to do them, and I'm okay with that.

Perhaps this is what the Subgenii mean by "slack". A sort of comfortable laziness where you do what you want to do when you want to do it. It isn't the sort of laziness bred by consuming television, pot and doritos, just the natural sort of "I am here" comfortable lazy feeling. My mind has been working non stop recently, works non stop period. Hell, even my last weekend was spent reading and translating caddisfly literature. I never let the poor neurons have a rest!

If anyone comes in, I'll either make like the semblance of work, or I'll simply let them think whatever they want. Maybe later I'll actually do something, but right now I'm just going to sit here with my eyes half open, listening to the radiator.

~Kai

[Triple Zero]

Dear LMNO,

It's one of those Lazy Days today. Maybe you know the type? I'm completely unmotivated to do anything, save maybe dick around online and/or sleep. I was supposed to have a meeting with my adviser this morning, but I just sat at my desk with hands over my eyes playing with visual parallax. He wanted a rough of some parts of my thesis today, and I decided I didn't have anything for him.

So, I've locked myself in my office. The lights are out (damn unshaded ceiling flourecents; I don't know how anyone likes them), and the sunlight is coming in through the windows. I've got my coat on with the hood up; it was 30 degrees this morning, and my hair is still wet.

This is what I have to actively fight every day. An ongoing battle against myself, every day. It's like smoking addiction, sometimes I manage to get in two days in a row when I'm successfull and knock out the demon or distract it with a desperate change in routine. Only temporarily because the next I will be extra vulnerable, having spent my strength.

I haven't decided if I'm going to actually do anything yet today, if you know what I mean. I could probably get away with it easy.

Tell me about it, you can get away with so little, so much of the time. I learned through shame.

Perhaps this is what the Subgenii mean by "slack". A sort of comfortable laziness where you do what you want to do when you want to do it. It isn't the sort of laziness bred by consuming television, pot and doritos, just the natural sort of "I am here" comfortable lazy feeling. My mind has been working non stop recently, works non stop period. Hell, even my last weekend was spent reading and translating caddisfly literature. I never let the poor neurons have a rest!

If anyone comes in, I'll either make like the semblance of work, or I'll simply let them think whatever they want. Maybe later I'll actually do something, but right now I'm just going to sit here with my eyes half open, listening to the radiator.

It's true, it's great when it's the exception, not the rule.

Sorry for the depressing post. I have been sitting inside all day, the weather is so beautiful but I can't get out, I just needed to do like 2 or 3 hours of programming work (small steps..), it's half past four already, I'm going nowhere and I've been paralyzed all day and my brother will call me any moment now to ask how much I got done (not very much), and I fear the sun will already be down by the time I have done sufficiently enough to put down the work for the day.

[Richter]

That's the Slack, but it's kind of an eddy, a whirl or tidal pool of the Slack.

It's comforting and restful, and it helps when we jsut need to flow in and stop for awhile.  Staying there forever though, IMHO, stagnates.

Slack is personal, and I'm not original equating it with self actualization.  Most of the times at the end of the day, I just nap, or stare at the ceiling for an hour.  Nothing's WRONG, I'm just mentally drained.  In an hour or so, I spring back, start working away on something I like, and I'm psyched again.  Same at work, I just need to switch OFF for a bit now and again, get the pressed hurried feeling off, rally and go on.

Again, IMHO, there needs to be value in what we do.  If we can look at what we do, and take even SOME pride in how, why, or what we did, even if it's not ideal, that fuels us.  If we're just grinding away mindless, it drains us, and makes life a grim progression of drain and recovery.

[Doktor Howl]

That's one kind of Slack™, and not a particularly bad one.

But what Slack™ really is, in it's essence, is enjoying the ride.  Remember when you told me about that kickass new microscope that had you geeking out for hours?  That's Slack™, too.  So is the diagram you drew.  So is finding that caddisfly pupae drawing of yours on top of google.  So are your trips to Toronto.

Enjoy the ride, Kai...because you'll blink, and it will be over.  Life is short.  Damn short.  Certainly too short to be miserable when you don't have to be.

[Enrico Salazar]

Is true.

Life, she is eat drink breathe smoke suck fuck tax laugh cry die.

All rest is gravy.  But beautiful little glorious faggots, Enrico live for that gravy.

[LMNO]

Welcome back, you glorious faggot.


Kai, listen to the Generalissimo.  Look for the gravy.

[Kai]

Not so lazy right now. Or maybe, it was never laziness. I was looking out a window, when I noticed a black box on a shelf. Opening it up, I found a drawing tube inside, the sort you stick on a microscope that lets you see both the thing you are looking at and your piece of paper at the same time. Now I've been drawing and clearing and thinking for the past 2 hours.

This sort of fun, it must be Slack.

[LMNO]

YOU HAZ FOUND GRAVY!  DIP YOUR BALLS IN IT!


Congrats,
LMNO.

[Kai]

YOU HAZ FOUND GRAVY!  DIP YOUR BALLS IN IT!


Congrats,
LMNO.

Except now it's back again.

So I'm saying fuck you to the office and going outside. I may be a horrible field biologist, but when there is no goal I really enjoy it. Digging around in the mud or in a stream is one of my favorite things to do, as long as there is no point except to do it.

[LMNO]

On the plus side, you can actually dip your balls in it, this time.


Go on.  I dare you.

[Verbal Mike]

Hmm. This happens to me ever couple of weeks when I'm stressed. And I'm usually stressed. And I call it boredom, and I get pissed off at myself for not knowing what the hell I want to do. It's hasn't happened in the past week, in which I've managed to basically switch off the stress the whole time. One result was that I didn't work much on my term paper this week, but I'm okay with that because I've been thinking about the paper nonetheless and I'm very close to finishing it (just have to figure out what I should make the point be, and write the summary section.)

I think when you don't allow yourself often enough to really just doodle around and do "pointless" things, that lack of motivation sets in all too often. Especially when working on large projects (a paper, a program, an organization...) where you only get the good feeling of success and achievement every once in a while and a lot of the work in between seems like all too many little menial steps.

Makes you wonder if the large projects are worth it. Until you get something done and feel so awesome you know it is.