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Your life is a mess, and it's your own fault.

Started by Mesozoic Mister Nigel, March 25, 2010, 04:57:34 PM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

QuoteYou. Yes, you. The mess. You in the corner with the bottle of whiskey. Your life is a mess, and you know whose fault it is? Yours. That's right. YOU'RE the one who picked that asshole in the first place, didn't you? So it's your fault he cheated on you. The divorce is your fault, because you should have stuck by your man no matter whose unhappiness it entailed.

Shut your whore mouth. Don't try to talk to me about "rebuilding" or "holding it together after a divorce". We're talking about blame here, and I am placing it squarely on you. Why? Because I want you to suffer for what you've done. You are a bad, bad woman; a slut. A loudmouth slut who uses foul language. SHUT UP, BITCH. Listen to me; I've said it once and I'm going to say it again. Your life is a mess, and it's YOUR FAULT.

It's your fault you lost your job, too. Yes. I don't care if it's because the company went bankrupt; it's still your fault. Because I don't like you. Yes, that's why, you nasty whore! Your fault! I said so! And your heart getting broken the way it did, that's your fault because you cruise the internet looking for dicks to suck. That IS what you're doing, because I said so. If you were a proper lady and didn't use internet personals to meet people, you wouldn't have gotten hurt, so you deserved it.

I got green and I got blues
and everyday there's a little less difference between the two.
So I belly-up and disappear.
Well I ain't really drowning 'cause I see the beach from here.   

-Drive-By Truckers


You know, there's an interesting thing that happens when people get divorced. Their whole future, everything they planned for, falls apart, and they usually fall apart too, for a while. They flail around looking for ground, trying to find something by which they can get their bearing in this new, frightening world without a future. They might drink too much or sink into depression or get into bar fights or fuck the next warm body that comes along, or do all of the above. And then, gradually, they come out of it, and look around at what they still have, and start building a future from that. Sometimes there's a whole lot left.

I'm sick of this sanctimonious idea-gone-memetic, started by damned-if-I-remember-who, that my life is a mess and it's my own fault. My life isn't any more of a mess than anyone else going through divorce, and it's a damn sight less of a mess than most. I have a house, three beautiful healthy well-adjusted children, steady work I enjoy, and caring friends. I have virtually no debt, and perfect credit. I show regularly in a local art gallery and I have a fair body of poetry to show for my experiences. I get along with my exes and am close friends with almost everyone I've dated.

Where's the mess? My heart? Show me someone going through a divorce after seven years whose heart isn't a mess. Fuck that, show me someone going through a breakup whose heart isn't a mess. My heart is in surprisingly good shape, actually; it's a hopeful heart, and I will continue writing about what I do with it. If you don't like it, don't read it, and please, keep your smug-attempts-at-karmic-rationalization-for-your-own-life-disguised-as-armchair-psychoanalysis to yourself.






"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Sir Squid Diddimus

 :thumb:

I look forward to more because I can relate.
Squid- twice divorced.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Thanks Squiddy! It's interesting to me that divorce, single motherhood, and female sexuality are still so stigmatized that people will try to use it in arguments as ammunition.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Jasper

#3
Who did that?

ETA:  Liked the post!

Richter

Yeah, whoever wrote that needs to be gagged with one hundred gangreneous cocks.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Bebek Sincap Ratatosk

Like straight from my own experience Nigel. Well stated!
- I don't see race. I just see cars going around in a circle.

"Back in my day, crazy meant something. Now everyone is crazy" - Charlie Manson

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Richter on March 25, 2010, 05:32:00 PM
Yeah, whoever wrote that needs to be gagged with one hundred gangreneous cocks.

I wrote the quoted part; it's part composite and part exaggeration. Also, thanks!

Also, if you want to listen to the song from Drive-By Truckers I quoted, it's fucking excellent and really sums up the post-divorce feeling: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYdiAz4ddIg
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Shibboleet The Annihilator

Quote from: Calamity Nigel on March 25, 2010, 05:25:04 PM
Thanks Squiddy! It's interesting to me that divorce, single motherhood, and female sexuality are still so stigmatized that people will try to use it in arguments as ammunition.

If you're referring to me calling you out on stirring shit, you're out of your fucking mind. What I said has absolutely nothing to do with divorce, single motherhood or female sexuality and everything to do with how you're treating people here. If you're messed up from a nasty divorce that really sucks, but if you start taking it out on people who have absolutely nothing to do with your personal problems then you'd better expect some fucking backlash.

Some people may be too timid to say anything about it, but I'm not.

That said, if this isn't about that then good luck recovering from whatever you're dealing with regardless of the cause.

Richter

Quote from: Calamity Nigel on March 25, 2010, 05:36:14 PM
Quote from: Richter on March 25, 2010, 05:32:00 PM
Yeah, whoever wrote that needs to be gagged with one hundred gangreneous cocks.

I wrote the quoted part; it's part composite and part exaggeration. Also, thanks!

Also, if you want to listen to the song from Drive-By Truckers I quoted, it's fucking excellent and really sums up the post-divorce feeling: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYdiAz4ddIg

I gotcha, collected impressions / insinuations.  The first quoted part sounded VERY real.

I'll have to check the song later.  Work  :sad:
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Sir Squid Diddimus

Quote from: Calamity Nigel on March 25, 2010, 05:25:04 PM
Thanks Squiddy! It's interesting to me that divorce, single motherhood, and female sexuality are still so stigmatized that people will try to use it in arguments as ammunition.

And in court no less!

Quote from: Ten Ton Mantis on March 25, 2010, 05:41:08 PM
Quote from: Calamity Nigel on March 25, 2010, 05:25:04 PM
Thanks Squiddy! It's interesting to me that divorce, single motherhood, and female sexuality are still so stigmatized that people will try to use it in arguments as ammunition.

If you're referring to me calling you out on stirring shit, you're out of your fucking mind. What I said has absolutely nothing to do with divorce, single motherhood or female sexuality and everything to do with how you're treating people here. If you're messed up from a nasty divorce that really sucks, but if you start taking it out on people who have absolutely nothing to do with your personal problems then you'd better expect some fucking backlash.

Some people may be too timid to say anything about it, but I'm not.

That said, if this isn't about that then good luck recovering from whatever you're dealing with regardless of the cause.

I don't think that's what she meant. I saw it from a completely different angle.

East Coast Hustle

Quote from: Ten Ton Mantis on March 25, 2010, 05:41:08 PM
Quote from: Calamity Nigel on March 25, 2010, 05:25:04 PM
Thanks Squiddy! It's interesting to me that divorce, single motherhood, and female sexuality are still so stigmatized that people will try to use it in arguments as ammunition.

If you're referring to me calling you out on stirring shit, you're out of your fucking mind. What I said has absolutely nothing to do with divorce, single motherhood or female sexuality and everything to do with how you're treating people here. If you're messed up from a nasty divorce that really sucks, but if you start taking it out on people who have absolutely nothing to do with your personal problems then you'd better expect some fucking backlash.

Some people may be too timid to say anything about it, but I'm not.

That said, if this isn't about that then good luck recovering from whatever you're dealing with regardless of the cause.

1) I really liked this, especially the optimistic tone. I'm a sucker for optimism.

2) Jesus, TTM, shut the fuck up already. It's not about you, and this thread seems like an inappropriate place for shitflinging.

3) I fucking LOVE the Drive-By Truckers.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

LMNO

Dear Nigel,

I think I may have identified what initially has spurred my reactions to *some* of the posts you have made here.

And I'm pretty sure that a lot of my reactions have been twofold: One is my own personality, and one is the tone of the PD.com with which I have been previously familiar.

As an introvert, I have made it a habit of stewing on external experiences, chewing them up, parsing them, and relating them to other experiences, and then holding them up to the light of my philosophies, my desires, and my education.  That's me.  That's who I am.

My experience with PD.com in the past has been that a raw exposition of experience does not further the collective forums, especially if those experiences are not available to be picked up and torn apart by others in an interactive collaboration.  Posts like that, I personally feel, are best left to journals and other media that are to be passively experienced.  I have, previously, never considered anything posted at PD to be a passive offering; everything I have ever posted here is something to be held over the fire.  For me, there are plenty of online outlets for passive writing, many of which I use.

I fully recognize that your life is going through major changes.  I am sympathetic.  A human experience can go through serious trauma, and needs room to breathe, to adapt, to grow.

I feel my error has been this: You have often posted your immediate experiences, and I am not going to assign a reason for it, because I will be wrong.  My post here is not to tell you why you are doing things.

But you have been posting *some* experiences, in a way that seems to indicate that they are being posted prior to examination, dissection, and contemplation.

(Again, you are free to post what you wish, for the reasons you wish to post. I am not telling you what to do, or how to feel.)

And *some* of these posts that you have made seem to be presented in a way that both eschews personal analysis, and  precludes analysis by other members of the board.  This presumption is solidified when you respond to any observations from the board with hostility.  Of course, this being PD.com, and the internet in general, escalation is inevitable.

Given the history of PD.com as I understand it, it becomes obvious why some of your posts have had the reaction that have had, and why I may have reacted to them in the way that I did.

So, in conclusion:

I appear to be wrong.  And the tone of PD.com may have changed since I joined.  I will not tell you to stop posting in the way you choose; and to smooth situations, I will try to ascertain intentions of your posts before commenting.


LMNO
-it actually took me about twenty minutes to write this.  I hope I was clear without being an asshole.

Shibboleet The Annihilator

#12
Quote from: Emerald City Hustle on March 25, 2010, 06:04:40 PM
Jesus, TTM, shut the fuck up already. It's not about you, and this thread seems like an inappropriate place for shitflinging.

I'll say whatever the fuck I want wherever the fuck I want to say it, but I wrote a qualifier in because it could have been a passive aggressive dig at me or it could have been about something else entirely. My intent wasn't to fling shit and if it was it would be pretty blatant.

The title of her thread is clearly related to the statements I made calling her out the other day and any reasonable person would have made the assumption that there is a pretty good likelihood that this was a passive-aggressive jab at me. I got PMs about this thread pointing it out to me. What's up your ass lately ECH?

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#13
Thanks you guys.

LMNO, I tend to write, then read what I've written, then digest, then read again, then write more. Sometimes eventually it leads to a good story, more often it doesn't. Much of what I write about my personal experiences is written as a series of emotional impressions, rather than an analysis. I think that's one reason I am a better poet than essayist.

ECH, yes, my OP is about optimism. It's about looking critically at my life and recognizing that, as lives go, it's pretty fucking tied together. It's also about fighting off pessimism and blame and assumptions. The name-calling, the automatic conclusion that because I'm a divorced mother and I'm actively dating, I am a desperate slut whose life is a mess, and that is the root of any conflict I may have.

I find it interesting because I went through hell with my husband, and I'm happier now than I was then. I'm also friendlier and less abrasive, but it wasn't until we split up that the assumptions and name-calling began. An unhappy, angry, abrasive married woman is still a respectable woman.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Dysnomia

We women just need to stay in our safe little kitchens, and if we do that everything will be ok.  Let the real men sort out all the important stuff like politics, religion, and when we should have sex.  If we just stay at home, and make sure a warm dinner is fresh from the oven when out husbands get home, everything will be ok.
It's all fun and games, till someone gets herpes.

http://cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/122010/mow-the-lawn.gif