gnimbley loses his mind

[LMNO]

Oh, one more thing... In act 3, when W runs back on stage, and Louis guides him to the new table, perhaps he should say something like "have a nice nap?" to reference the Red King bit from Alice, and also to offer the posibility the it was the second act that was the dream, not the first & third.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

gnimbley, you should hear the chimes here. They are intoxicatingly maddening...a whisper that soflty coaxes me back to insanity...I dunno...it sounds like something you may want to wrroy about at some point, in case your worry load gets too light.

[gnimbley]

gnimbley, you should hear the chimes here. They are intoxicatingly maddening...a whisper that soflty coaxes me back to insanity...I dunno...it sounds like something you may want to wrroy about at some point, in case your worry load gets too light.

I am worried that that sort of makes sense and sort of doesn't make
sense and is sort of senseless and both sort of makes sense and is
senseless and both sort of doesn't make sense and is senseless and
both sort of makes sense and sort of doesn't make sense and sort
of sounds like something fluffy would say when she's been eating
the funny mushrooms.

[gnimbley]

DEATH CAGE MATCH!!!

New update! Death cage match is back. The Aztec god is back. Jerry,
unfortunatlely, was never in the plans.

Taylor makes the climatic speech.

All that's left is the verdict and the denuemoi, er. day new maw, er,
really short scene at the end.

ALMOST DONE!

I can hardly wait because I have this great idea for rewriting Act Two. Eris gets a gun and there is this disappearing presidential seal, well not actually, disappearing, but it turns into, well... You'll have to wait..

The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome

[CannedLizard]

Very yummy. The Cheney interview was a bit dry, though, I mostly skimmed it. The Taylor rant at the end was very powerful, and possibly a bit scary on a very real level: "You think I can't see you out there? All safe and protected because we up here are not real and this isn't really happening. It's just a bunch of actors speaking a bunch of silly lines. You're not responsible for what happened, are you? Fuck you you're not!"

Just a suggestion, maybe the baliff in act one should be Plebeius Pedis, and the baliff in act three Henry Bell. They're just isolated characters, and while I like the idea of random characters giving monologues to liven up the rich tapestry of the...tapestry, it might confuse some people. Plebeius can bang his javelin and Henry can bang his rifle for the "order" thing. Also, the baliff is kind of...just there for the play. Unless you're planning something for him.

[gnimbley]

I am thinking about having the bailiff shoot himself at the very end of the
play for having to listen to all this dribble.



I like using the ghosts for the bailiff. There is a complication, but I will
think about it.

[gnimbley]

IT'S FINISHED!!!

Now I will have to do the re-writes. I already have plans to extensively redo the second act. It will be somewhat similar, except it will move to a room in the private residential quarters of the White House.

There will be a Presidential Seal on the wall or something. When Taylor is confronting Bush, she will claim he is a bond salesman and the Seal will turn into a picture. Then it will turn back. So you won't know which is reality. Heh heh heh.

Everybody else will insist that George is the President, but he won't be so sure. Eris is going to be a Secret Service agent instead of the next door neighbor. (She gets a gun but still will be a witch. Yeah. I know.)

Anyway, it should work much better. The audience wil be confused.

The third act will have to be edited as well, not so much for content but for style. I left out the part about the bailiff shooting himself. I may add it back in. It was just sooooo tempting to finish the first draft, so I skipped the whole "punishment" scene. I rushed just to get it done.

Done. That is a very nice word.

The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome

[CannedLizard]

Very nice. Can't wait to see the finished version.

I'm not sure how much you care about small errors, but this is what I've got so far,

- Marie Davenport called Marie first appearance and Davenport in jury appearance

- Page 19: Louis: You did you go to war with Afghanistan and Iraq, did you not?

There's other stuff, but I'm lazy and two is enough :P

[namu]

The sentence fits the crime quite well, that was brilliant

[DJRubberducky]

The ending is priceless.

Hiss!

[gnimbley]

Ah, well, ah, the thing is, the first draft of the rewrite of the second act
is posted to the web. Download it as usual. And I started into the rewrite
of the third act, but it is obvious that Dick Cheney's stuff is going to need
more than just a cleanup (which I have already done to Act 1). And
Act 2 will need another pass since it is like just having done just a first
draft.

The good news is that I worked Richard Nixon in.

And Century 21 (I truly don't know where that came from.)

You can download it as usual here.

The Trial of George W. Bush, An Erisian Mystery, by gnimbley the gnome

[namu]

Hmmm, the new twist in Act 2 is interesting, but somehow I find it weaker than the previous full-front confrontation between the two George. And Eris is so much more like the crazy witch neighbour than an occultist Secret Service Agent... The former Act 2 fitted better in between the other two acts, now you have some slight plotholes to fix in the Act 3 (Taylor V.S. Mrs Bush part in particular).

[gnimbley]

I still have the original Act 2. Well, we'll see what I think the next time I
review act 2. I still don't know what I want, other than to mess with the
audience's head. And try to universalize George, by making him more
specific, if you understand what I mean. Er, what do I mean?

Don't think the new act 2 works, huh? Hmmm....................

[DJRubberducky]

I was hoping you were keeping copies of all the prior drafts.  I think it'd be fascinating to look over all of them and see how the play evolved/devolved.

Looking at the current version now.

[DJRubberducky]

I had another small suggestion which you can take or leave.

Near the beginning in act I, George talks about his dad prattling on, and I think it'd be cooler if he said "When you have to jump, you just gonna have to do it, like I did it.  That's what being George Bush means."

I suggest this because then there's less implication that the dad's name is also George.  There may well be a few dozen George Bushes in the country, but odds are much fewer of them are George Bush Jrs.  I just think that would help better dissolve the Bush character into Everyman.

But like I said, that's a really picayunish detail - as in, the sort of thing people would really only notice if this play made it into high school English textbooks and students had to write essays on it.

Ooh!  And is it just me, or is it a change that Tisiphone is now interrogating Jimmy Connors?  I'm very happy.