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Unlimited How Not to Be a Fat Fucky Bastard thread: now 100% more fat free

Started by Doktor Howl, April 16, 2010, 06:12:10 PM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Stay away from substitute sugar though; that shit will fuck your appetite and digestive system nine ways to hell. It's one of the few substances that actually fucks with my gut.

Lean meats, protein in the morning, lots of steamed or roasted veggies, and whole grains are the way to go; that, moderation, and exercise.

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Rev. St. Syn, KSC (Ret.)

#46
Change it up so you don't get bored. Boredom is the mind killer (not fear, Mr. Atredies, you spag).

This post assumes you have, or have access to a quality centrifugal juicer and a good blender.

Fruit and veg juices are a mindblowing way to get lots of awesome into you. I hear people crying about the amount of sugar in fruit. Fuck you it ain't a Hershey bar. Stupid, ignorant peasants.

If you're making smoothies/juice out of fruit and/or veg. Make about 400 - 500 ml at a time. Do not refrigerate it for later, use it all. Add some ice to the blender. Most importantly. DO NOT FUCKING CHUG IT! Sip them and move it around mouth to mix in the pre-digestive juices in your saliva. v.important! Take a half hour to chew the liquid over and DON'T YOU FUCKING DISAPPOINT ME by having a tasty hot beverage within a half hour of finishing that smoothie.

One of these mofos can take the place of a meal. Don't do this more than once a day and mix up the fruit and veg.

Recipes of my invention and/or adaptation (if it has a cheesy name, I stole it and changed the recipe):
QuoteLiquid Breakfast

  2 apples
3tbs virtually fat free biolive no added sugar yoghurt
  1 banana
  6 icecubes
3tbs frozen berries
  1 handful no added sugar/salt muesli

1tsp/shot wheatgrass juice or powder (optional)
1tsp spirulina powder (optional)

1. Juice the apples and add the juice to the blender with all the other ingredients.

3. Blend to the desired consitency. Enjoy.
QuoteGreen Powerhouse Smoothie - Jesus Fuck, This is W1N!

 1 apple
 2 pears
4" cucumber
2" brocolli stem
1/2 lime
 1 avocado peeled and stoned
 2 large handfuls of spinach
 
1tsp/shot wheatgrass juice or powder (optional)
1/2 tsp spirulina (optional)

1. Juice everything but the avocado packing the lime and spinach between the other produce. pour the juice into the blender and add the peeled and stoned avocado.

2. Pour over ice and enjoy.

QuoteCreamy Cantaloupe Drinking Salad

1/2 cantaloupe melon
 1 apple
4" cucumber
 1 avocado
 6 icecubes

1. Juice the apple, cucumber and cantaloupe and add the juice to the blender with the peeled avocado and ice.

3. Blend until smooth. Enjoy.

QuoteBlood Wine

 2 Apples
 2 carrots
 1 Beetroot (not cooked and pickled you fucking retard)
½cm Slice of Fennell
 1 large handful of Spinach

1. Juice everything packing the spinach and fennell tightly between the apples.
2. Enjoy!
QuoteBerry Bounce Smoothie

1/6 lemon with skin on
  1 apple
  5 carrots
 5" cucumber
  1 banana
1/4 avocado
3tbs frozen berries
  4 ice cubes

1. Juice the cucumber, apple, carrots and lemon packing the lemon between the other produce.
2. Pour the juice into the blender with the banana, avocado, berries and ice.
3. Blend until smooth. Enjoy!

If you want to make this one ultra thick, add another 1/4 avocado to the blender.

QuoteAlcohol replacement juice - not a meal replacement - Apple and Cucumber Virgin Mojito

2 Apples
4" Cucumber
1 loose mug mint leaves (fill up the mug, but don't pack them in!)
1 Lime
Plenty crushed ice

1. Juice the apples, cucumber and lime with peel on, packing the lime between the other produce.
2. Pour the juice into the blender with the mint leaves and blend until smooth (if using Jason's recommended Philips Aluminium Blender HR2094, use the filter attachment and skip the next step.)
3. Strain the juice to remove the mint leave bits.
4. Pour over the crushed ice and enjoy!

QuoteThe Green Goblin

1/2 lime
1/4 pineapple
1/2 bag baby spinach
 2 apples
1" broccoli stem
5" cucumber
ice

1/2tsp spirulina (optional)
1tsp wheatgrass powder (optional)

1. Packthe lime and spinach between the other produce and juice. Blend the suppliments if using.

2. Pour over ice and enjoy.

QuoteVeggie Powerhouse Smoothie

 3 apples
 1 stick of celery
5" cucumber
3" brocolli stem
1/4 yellow pepper
1/4 lemon peeled
1cm ginger
 1 avocado peeled and stoned

1tsp/shot wheatgrass juice or powder (optional)

1. Juice everything but the avocado packing the lemon and ginger between the other produce. pour the juice into the blender and add the peeled and stoned avocado.

2. Pour over ice and enjoy.
Synaptyclypse Generator Publishing Sect, POEE International Resource Center

Triple Zero

#47
QuoteGreen Powerhouse Smoothie - Jesus Fuck, This is W1N!

 1 apple
 2 pears
4" cucumber
2" brocolli stem
1/2 lime
 1 avocado peeled and stoned
 2 large handfuls of spinach
 
1tsp/shot wheatgrass juice or powder (optional)
1/2 tsp spirulina (optional)

1. Juice everything but the avocado packing the lime and spinach between the other produce. pour the juice into the blender and add the peeled and stoned avocado.

2. Pour over ice and enjoy.

THIS sounds delicious!

I have a blender but no juicer, do you think I can make attempt, or would I really require juicer?

QuoteCreamy Cantaloupe Drinking Salad

1/2 cantaloupe melon
 1 apple
4" cucumber
 1 avocado
 6 icecubes

1. Juice the apple, cucumber and cantaloupe and add the juice to the blender with the peeled avocado and ice.

3. Blend until smooth. Enjoy.

I'm sorry, I know this is meant for not being fat and all, but if you crispy fry bacon cubes and drain the fat on a kitchen towel, that
would be okay no? Cause this one needs crispy bacon cubes in it.

And possibly some crumbs of Danish blue cheese?

I mean, if you're going to make a cantaloupe salad ...

QuoteAlcohol replacement juice - not a meal replacement - Apple and Cucumber Virgin Mojito

2 Apples
4" Cucumber
1 loose mug mint leaves (fill up the mug, but don't pack them in!)
1 Lime
Plenty crushed ice

1. Juice the apples, cucumber and lime with peel on, packing the lime between the other produce.
2. Pour the juice into the blender with the mint leaves and blend until smooth (if using Jason's recommended Philips Aluminium Blender HR2094, use the filter attachment and skip the next step.)
3. Strain the juice to remove the mint leave bits.
4. Pour over the crushed ice and enjoy!

and then you garnish it with a fresh mint leaf and insert a thick black straw. presentation, presentation :)

QuoteVeggie Powerhouse Smoothie

 3 apples
 1 stick of celery
5" cucumber
3" brocolli stem
1/4 yellow pepper
1/4 lemon peeled
1cm ginger
 1 avocado peeled and stoned

1tsp/shot wheatgrass juice or powder (optional)

1. Juice everything but the avocado packing the lemon and ginger between the other produce. pour the juice into the blender and add the peeled and stoned avocado.

2. Pour over ice and enjoy.

no tabasco and/or worcestershire sauce?


hm, I might need to get myself a juicer, then. It's my birthday soon, I was gonna ask for a set of dumbbells, but maybe I need a juicer more badly.

(edit: quote fix)
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Rev. St. Syn, KSC (Ret.)

QuoteI have a blender but no juicer, do you think I can make attempt, or would I really require juicer?
Trust me it won't work. :lulz:

Glad you liked the idea of the recipes, Trip. I can heartily recommend this juicer:
http://www.amazon.de/Philips-HR1861-00-Aluminium-Entsafter/dp/B0007XHGHA/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&s=kitchen&qid=1277800894&sr=1-9
Seriously. DO NOT buy anything cheaper. If you do it will last 5 minutes and will make crappy juice and I will laugh at you. :)
Synaptyclypse Generator Publishing Sect, POEE International Resource Center

Triple Zero

Whew, 93 euros... But it does look verrrry shiny :)

I should ask a friend of mine, she recently got a juicer and is very happy with it. But then, some family of her bf's works at Philips and they often get Philips stuff on the cheap via there, so it might even be the same one.

(They got like a dozen different kinds of those colour-changing lightbulbs and lamps and shit :) )
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Rev. St. Syn, KSC (Ret.)

Tell all your family and friends what you want. Birthday dontations FTW. Especially if your friend gets a family discount at Philips! :)
Synaptyclypse Generator Publishing Sect, POEE International Resource Center

BADGE OF HONOR

You can skip the ice by just freezing the bananas or whatever.

-Badge, does not have a good blender.
The Jerk On Bike rolled his eyes and tossed the waffle back over his shoulder--before it struck the ground, a stout, disconcertingly monkey-like dog sprang into the air and snatched it, and began to masticate it--literally--for the sound it made was like a homonculus squatting on the floor muttering "masticate masticate masticate".

maphdet

Fucking alcohol gets me. I enjoy my once a week binge. :(
SO---If we do not want to exclude it out of our diets completely, what would anyone suggest for a low cal- adult beverage?
I wish I was in Tijuana
Eating barbequed iguana-

Jenne

Quote from: Hamos on July 29, 2010, 08:07:20 PM
Fucking alcohol gets me. I enjoy my once a week binge. :(
SO---If we do not want to exclude it out of our diets completely, what would anyone suggest for a low cal- adult beverage?

For bingeing?  Or casually drinking?  I think BEER is the most fattening.  Red wine, least calories.  Nigel's made the point about less calories for your bang if you drink the hard stuff and mix it with carolrie-free ingredients.

AFK

Quote from: Hamos on July 29, 2010, 08:07:20 PM
Fucking alcohol gets me. I enjoy my once a week binge. :(
SO---If we do not want to exclude it out of our diets completely, what would anyone suggest for a low cal- adult beverage?

Drink water.
Run around in circles.

Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

maphdet

Quote from: Jenne on July 29, 2010, 08:13:51 PM
Quote from: Hamos on July 29, 2010, 08:07:20 PM
Fucking alcohol gets me. I enjoy my once a week binge. :(
SO---If we do not want to exclude it out of our diets completely, what would anyone suggest for a low cal- adult beverage?

For bingeing?  Or casually drinking?  I think BEER is the most fattening.  Red wine, least calories.  Nigel's made the point about less calories for your bang if you drink the hard stuff and mix it with carolrie-free ingredients.

For bingeing of course. ;)

Yeah-with the hard liquor I usually just use diet coke and rum.
I wonder what which liquor has the least amount of calories.

They need to invent a friggin "diet beer".

I've been poor lately and cannot afford Good wine anymore. :(
And the cheap stuff gives me a massive headache.

So-then yeah, what Nigel said then eh-hard stuff with zero cal mixers for now.
I wish I was in Tijuana
Eating barbequed iguana-

maphdet

Quote from: Rev. What's-His-Name? on July 29, 2010, 08:24:07 PM
Quote from: Hamos on July 29, 2010, 08:07:20 PM
Fucking alcohol gets me. I enjoy my once a week binge. :(
SO---If we do not want to exclude it out of our diets completely, what would anyone suggest for a low cal- adult beverage?

Drink water.
Run around in circles.



The Totally Free binge!  :p

I wish I was in Tijuana
Eating barbequed iguana-

Stelpa

My weight-loss plan: Be Vegetarian

Yay protein deficiency!  :wink:

Pope Pixie Pickle

Quote from: nekk on August 04, 2010, 05:25:02 PM
My weight-loss plan: Be Vegetarian

Yay protein deficiency!  :wink:

thats what tofu is for. Making massive miso soups with loads of tofu with buckwheat noodles, seaweed, and some steamed fish if your feeling that way inclined.

Anyone have any ideas on how many calories thar would be in that sort of thing?

Juana

Quote from: nekk on August 04, 2010, 05:25:02 PM
My weight-loss plan: Be Vegetarian

Yay protein deficiency!  :wink:
I'm a vegetarian and won't touch tofu, but I never have a problem with protein. Eggs, dairy, and nuts, my friend.
"I dispose of obsolete meat machines.  Not because I hate them (I do) and not because they deserve it (they do), but because they are in the way and those older ones don't meet emissions codes.  They emit too much.  You don't like them and I don't like them, so spare me the hysteria."