This dude IS awesome
"You look just like Stephen Hawking...Relax, I meant like a non-paralyzed version of him. Feel better?... Fine. Forget I said it."
"I hate paying bills... Son, don't say "me too." I didn't say that looking to relate to you. I said it instead of "go away."
"Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking."
"We didn't have a prom. Dancing wasn't allowed...What's Footloose?...That's the plot of the movie? That sounds like a pile of shit."
"I'm sitting in one of those TGI Friday's places, and everyone looks like they want to shove a shotgun in their mouth."
"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."
"We're out of Grape Nuts... No, what's left is for me. Sorry, I should have said "You're out of Grape Nuts."
this guy must have been a JOY to grow up with
