This can never live up to my expectations, Nurse

[Freeky]

Once.

And I think that story is a bunch of bull. It ended in "And they lived happily ever after!" Its a myth.

[Doktor Howl]

Once.

And I think that story is a bunch of bull. It ended in "And they lived happily ever after!" Its a myth.

Totally straight men in Tucson:

Dok Howl
Hat

Almost straight men in Tucson:

Kaz  (Isn't into guys, but Yiff automatically prevents you from being straight.)
Mayor Walkup (Straight republican = Gayer than K.D. Lang's mullet.)

That's it.

Completely straight women in Tucson:

That's it.

[Doktor Howl]

Fuck the weekend.  traitorous fucking Friday has never shown up when I needed it.  Weekly judas rimlicke would gamlbe for the foul skivvies in my basket if I let it.

What's keeping me moving is possibility of a joyous scream down the highway, perchance to meet the gods, a motherfucker of a sriacha curry, a batch of brownies, and some time to get something DONE.  I may even stop off on the way for metal snips and 2x4, and will mutter constantly and "Circumcising that elephant motherfucker" on my way through the store.  Sure, I'll be sacrificing 2 points of sanity, and taking a -2 to appearance, but it'll gain me a lot more back if I keep it up for 2+ rounds.  Even if it takes a token of self destruction to get going, nothing will stop me from having teh Fun

Weekends have always been good to me, Richter.  I am a big fan of Saturday night.  Friday's not too bad either, when coffee night is decent (IE, Either John the Bastard doesn't show up, or if I get to beat on him.).  It's what keeps me going.

Papa Hemmingway understood that shit, and even went so far as to say the weekend should be extended by a few days...But that's bad for productivity, so he "killed himself" (You and I both know that isn't true, though, don't we?)...and he was right about lots of shit, with the glaring exception of the horrible lies he told in The Old Man and the Sea.

[.]

When I first saw the preview for this I stared at the tv and a tear slid down my face. It wasn't a tear of sadness...but rather because the rage had pent up enough into my skull that I wanted to send anthrax to the people in charge of creating this abomination (Or something much worse that involves my boot and their ass.) They will never capture Tucson because they cannot show that a good portion of those soccer moms are alcoholics, or pill heads, and the husbands of those soccer moms sit in their studies or home offices just toying with a loaded pistol thinking of a life they could have had. No, they can't show that tweaker that lives in a run down nasty house that the yard's been overtaken by weeds and crab grass. They can't show you all the filth that is Tucson. Instead they think that these kooky characters thrown into a scene  with cactus in the background and a backdrop of A mountain will capture what Tucson is, or at least fool outsiders enough to make them think that Tucson is just great. I seriously want to kick someone's teeth down their throat for this atrocity being aired.... They will get it all wrong...

[Doktor Howl]

When I first saw the preview for this I stared at the tv and a tear slid down my face. It wasn't a tear of sadness...but rather because the rage had pent up enough into my skull that I wanted to send anthrax to the people in charge of creating this abomination (Or something much worse that involves my boot and their ass.) They will never capture Tucson because they cannot show that a good portion of those soccer moms are alcoholics, or pill heads, and the husbands of those soccer moms sit in their studies or home offices just toying with a loaded pistol thinking of a life they could have had. No, they can't show that tweaker that lives in a run down nasty house that the yard's been overtaken by weeds and crab grass. They can't show you all the filth that is Tucson. Instead they think that these kooky characters thrown into a scene  with cactus in the background and a backdrop of A mountain will capture what Tucson is, or at least fool outsiders enough to make them think that Tucson is just great. I seriously want to kick someone's teeth down their throat for this atrocity being aired.... They will get it all wrong...

1.  I need to improve your boots.  Arrows down, with YOUR ASS HERE stenciled above.

2.  They can't show the real Tucson on TV.  And even if they could, would they?  Would you?  Breaking Bad has already been done, and the rest is just a slow slide of failure and wrong.  The sponsors would not be happy.

If they wanted to do a Lifetime™-esque movie like this, they should have set it in Santa Fe.

[.]

When I first saw the preview for this I stared at the tv and a tear slid down my face. It wasn't a tear of sadness...but rather because the rage had pent up enough into my skull that I wanted to send anthrax to the people in charge of creating this abomination (Or something much worse that involves my boot and their ass.) They will never capture Tucson because they cannot show that a good portion of those soccer moms are alcoholics, or pill heads, and the husbands of those soccer moms sit in their studies or home offices just toying with a loaded pistol thinking of a life they could have had. No, they can't show that tweaker that lives in a run down nasty house that the yard's been overtaken by weeds and crab grass. They can't show you all the filth that is Tucson. Instead they think that these kooky characters thrown into a scene  with cactus in the background and a backdrop of A mountain will capture what Tucson is, or at least fool outsiders enough to make them think that Tucson is just great. I seriously want to kick someone's teeth down their throat for this atrocity being aired.... They will get it all wrong...

1.  I need to improve your boots.  Arrows down, with YOUR ASS HERE stenciled above.

2.  They can't show the real Tucson on TV.  And even if they could, would they?  Would you?  Breaking Bad has already been done, and the rest is just a slow slide of failure and wrong.  The sponsors would not be happy.

If they wanted to do a Lifetime™-esque movie like this, they should have set it in Santa Fe.

1. I want clicks on the heels of my boots. As well as the above mentioned.

2. I would cry myself to sleep if everyone else knew the horrors of this city as well as the people living here. People think that they know something about a city when they see it on tv. Well maybe it will bring tourism here.. but shitty thing is we don't have any tourist traps..

3. Tucson is too entertaining to be on Lifetime. 

[Doktor Howl]

When I first saw the preview for this I stared at the tv and a tear slid down my face. It wasn't a tear of sadness...but rather because the rage had pent up enough into my skull that I wanted to send anthrax to the people in charge of creating this abomination (Or something much worse that involves my boot and their ass.) They will never capture Tucson because they cannot show that a good portion of those soccer moms are alcoholics, or pill heads, and the husbands of those soccer moms sit in their studies or home offices just toying with a loaded pistol thinking of a life they could have had. No, they can't show that tweaker that lives in a run down nasty house that the yard's been overtaken by weeds and crab grass. They can't show you all the filth that is Tucson. Instead they think that these kooky characters thrown into a scene  with cactus in the background and a backdrop of A mountain will capture what Tucson is, or at least fool outsiders enough to make them think that Tucson is just great. I seriously want to kick someone's teeth down their throat for this atrocity being aired.... They will get it all wrong...

1.  I need to improve your boots.  Arrows down, with YOUR ASS HERE stenciled above.

2.  They can't show the real Tucson on TV.  And even if they could, would they?  Would you?  Breaking Bad has already been done, and the rest is just a slow slide of failure and wrong.  The sponsors would not be happy.

If they wanted to do a Lifetime™-esque movie like this, they should have set it in Santa Fe.

1. I want clicks on the heels of my boots. As well as the above mentioned.

2. I would cry myself to sleep if everyone else knew the horrors of this city as well as the people living here. People think that they know something about a city when they see it on tv. Well maybe it will bring tourism here.. but shitty thing is we don't have any tourist traps..

3. Tucson is too entertaining to be on Lifetime. 

1.  Also, kick plates in front.  Maybe some spiky bits.

2.  Old Tucson, the wildlife museum, The Mission, etc.  There's plenty of things for tourists, that do very well.  However, I'd like to set up a tour company that hits 12th Ave, Drachman and 11th ave, etc.  Ho ho!

3.  Yeah, but it has all the horrible fucking tragedy those emo bastards could stand.  We're chock full of tales of human woe...They'll have to add the "heartlifting" stoic shit and eventual redemption, though.  We don't have any of that.

[Richter]

It is sad Nurse, it is Sad.  They're trying to reduce something terrible to something palatable.

If this were an allegory, they wouldn't be launching a happless wacky (but harmless) fuck from a cactus, they'd be feeding him the cactus.  He would then heave feathers shoved up his butt and be turned loose in a desert stretch full of remote control flashbangs and fire snakes.

5 points for a 1st light burn
5 points for insect stings / bites
10 points for a more serious burn
15 for laceration
25 if it all sics a wild animal on him, necessitating shooting.

Score nullified if subject dies.

Like Pinball.

That's the Tucson in my mind, Nurse.  Truth aside, it makes me laugh.

[Doktor Howl]

It is sad Nurse, it is Sad.  They're trying to reduce something terrible to something palatable.

Trying to pull our fangs, is what it is.  This can't be tolerated.

[.]

Richter, don't forget the branding.

[Requia ☣]

Sitcoms are usually full of fail, IMO. I will not watch them, because I always feel my brain rot and implode under the weight of what the masses seem to think is "funny". I guarantee that this will be the same, and you know what? I'm willing to bet that it won't even have the slightest hint of what kind of fun we get up to out here.

So unless Ron has a preference for snuff porn, Robby and Gary smoke pot and can't hold down a job, Brandon works a dead end job and is 33 dating a 19 year old, and Angela is a stripper who likes being branded, there is no possible way that they could show what Tucson is REALLY for reals like.

Gary also has a tapeworm named Sally.

Not to mention everyone being bisexual, at least.

I am becoming seriously tempted to actually write a story featuring these characters.

[Freeky]

You know, this show isn't nearly as bad as I was predicting. It isn't Tucson, no, no show could ever really portray Tucson. But it's Tucson if you could shove it into a washing machine; it still has the "WTF?" bits, just very much cleaned up.

[Doktor Howl]

You know, this show isn't nearly as bad as I was predicting. It isn't Tucson, no, no show could ever really portray Tucson. But it's Tucson if you could shove it into a washing machine; it still has the "WTF?" bits, just very much cleaned up.

So, Portland.

[Jasper]

Desert Portland

(new name of the show)