The silence

[Sepia]

It is the silence that we scream for, in the dead of the night it is what we long for and what our hearts yearn for, the silence we've felt so many times in our heads, broken by a word. We know we are not complete without feeling it, like how we experience any feeling, any new sensation, we can never seem to truly understand how other people can say no to the experiences we've had that has changed us so, torn us and warped ourselves into what we are, challenged our minds and dreams, our ambitions rethought, rediscovered and turned into something different, our edge changing as we've committed ourselves to change, sometimes, when things feel so very real, not moments of clarity but moments where it feels like we've seen old homemade video footage from the sixties, everything was so bright then that it felt like the sun would burn through the lens, this is that feeling.

After a while we begin to understand when the feeling is upon us, the silence preceding it, the feeling of emptiness coming closer as the silence grows inside us and those significant others. We have always feared the silence for when it comes our gut wrenches, we turn inside out as we look for what caused it, we've been trained to look for the silence, listen after it before we put the torch to it. Silence, like hatred, have been bushwhacked by trends, the fleeting image of time burning through the dead trees as we read them in the dentist's office, silence accompanied by the sterility of the situation, the silence followed by the weeping as we learn of the departed, the silence is always the casualty of any war, truth never being there but always irrelevant. We've grown into our ways over the years, over the decades and the millennia. Ingrained in us is the sensation that an angel walks across the floor when we hear our own hearts beat.

The silence. It is so hard to come by now, I want to imagine it was easier before, before all the big bangs of our world, before we got frightened by silence and started shouting our opinions to anyone that would care and it seems like a quest, foolish and stupid like old arthurs quest for the grail. By finding the silence we will eradicate it, we will end the silence, we will end any man or woman that uses it, finds solace in it or worst of all, find meaning in it. The unuttered words that carry so much weight is no longer present here in this world and while it can be both amusing and fascinating that our words lose meaning, die out while new words come into this world, man should always revere the silence like the love of your life for it is in silence we were born and it is in silence we will end, no matter how violently. There are many things in this world that cannot and will never be put into words or any form of expression that will make sense to those who see it, there is no truth in this, there will never be truth as long as we are who we are and while some may call this ungodly or horrible, I find it quite beautiful and ironically, quite true. My opinion is also that we are but mere beasts, monsters chained in an utopia made in our heads, an utopia where we are angels, in a world being built on the american dream, we are all americans in this day and age, we've all been americans since the day they pitched it to us, what they intended to do.

We do not love silence now and we will not love it for as long as I live, there will be no place for silence in our hearts. There will be no place for hatred in our hearts nor will there be a place for jealousy or rage. Magicians mean that the war between heaven and hell is a war in our minds, angels and demons battling and their path to enlightenment goes through struggle, by understanding and conquering/befriending your demons and angels we shall emerge as more whole beings. While we like moths attracted to the light we are attracted to the noise but only when it is directed outwards, our monologues are drowning inside ourselves, saying nothing none of us can use or make sense of, scrambled like the tongue of angels as we hear what we want to hear, what we need to hear. We are neutered, they took away our cocks and our cunts, left us smooth behind to ponder all of it that is eternal, like our damnation, our salvation or our hope.

We will never stop pondering the eternal unanswerable questions and when we realize there are no answers or that answers have no meaning, we will scream until we die, shout at the top of our lungs to keep the silence inside ourselves at bay and everyone will always accomodate us for if there is something uniting many of us, it is the fear of silence.

[Hoser McRhizzy]

By finding the silence we will eradicate it, we will end the silence, we will end any man or woman that uses it, finds solace in it or worst of all, find meaning in it. The unuttered words that carry so much weight is no longer present here in this world and while it can be both amusing and fascinating that our words lose meaning, die out while new words come into this world, man should always revere the silence like the love of your life for it is in silence we were born and it is in silence we will end, no matter how violently.

With thanks: Cage, 4'3" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gN2zcLBr_VM