A few thoughts on friendship, arrogance, and assumed superiority.

Started by Doktor Howl, May 11, 2010, 08:12:58 PM

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Doktor Howl

Quote from: EoC on May 11, 2010, 08:37:29 PM
Quote from: The Lord and Lady Omnibus Fuck on May 11, 2010, 08:28:11 PM
You could be describing my ex.

He makes friends for me; he's charming, witty, a good conversationalist. He is good at meeting people and drawing them into our social circle. And when he's done being charming, he's good at being condescending and demeaning. By then, though, his new friends have met the rest of us, and we get to keep them.

It sure must be hard when you're the coolest person you've ever met.

I manage.   8)

We all fall into this trap, sometimes without meaning to, as LMNO mentioned above.  I take it from the way you presented it that this is a rather habitual thing with this guy.  It'd be different if he was just in a bad mood.  Let's face it, everyone has been a needless dick to someone as a result of a bad mood.  Everyone has said something that came out far more cruel than was intended.  The real difference between a person who's worth being around and one who isn't is that the former will be able to step back and say "hey, listen, I'm sorry I was such a shithead."  Arrogance is partly not being able to recognize when you have been one.

Precisely.  Exactly.

In this particular case, though, there was no way in hell the guy didn't realize what he was doing.  It was written all over his face.  He had actually acted that way once earlier, though not as blatantly, and I blew it off as a failed attempt at sarcastic humor.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Professor Freeky on May 11, 2010, 08:36:11 PM

Aww, I got all excited, and then realized I still have no one to babysit. I may not even be able to work, cuz my parents are out of town.

:(

I'd offer to draft my daughter (who wouldn't mind), but she'll be coming along.

I'll tell you the days, and you can see if worthless will take Stephen.
Molon Lube

hooplala

I prize passion almost more than anything else, even misplaced passion.  I have a co-worker who is a conspiracy nut (I've mentioned this on here before), she is annoying, but she has so much passion for her insanity that I admire her still.  I would sooner talk to fifteen nutcases with passion than a single hipster with the "seen it all, done better" mindset.
"Soon all of us will have special names" — Professor Brian O'Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
— Walt Whitman

Freeky

Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 11, 2010, 08:43:16 PM
Quote from: Professor Freeky on May 11, 2010, 08:36:11 PM

Aww, I got all excited, and then realized I still have no one to babysit. I may not even be able to work, cuz my parents are out of town.

:(

I'd offer to draft my daughter (who wouldn't mind), but she'll be coming along.

I'll tell you the days, and you can see if worthless will take Stephen.


Sounds good. :)

Doktor Howl

One final thought on this:

Life is short.  It's really short.  When you're 12, the summer lasts forever.  When you're 25, you wonder where the time seems to go.  When you're 40, the years start to blur by.  You only get one time around, and the ride never, ever lasts long enough.  If you waste the ride posturing, being too cool to have a good time or enjoy friendships, then you may as well have not even bothered.

Or you can have the guts to be a friend, and the courage to have fun without concern for what the world might think of you.  And I think that's what this whole Discordian thing is all about.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Hoopla on May 11, 2010, 08:43:32 PM
I prize passion almost more than anything else, even misplaced passion.  I have a co-worker who is a conspiracy nut (I've mentioned this on here before), she is annoying, but she has so much passion for her insanity that I admire her still.  I would sooner talk to fifteen nutcases with passion than a single hipster with the "seen it all, done better" mindset.

I have a buddy like that, guy named Jeff.  (He and I have been nicknamed "two angry beavers" - apparently I'm Dags.)  He is also a conspiracy theorist, and believes EVERY conspiracy with a purity and passion that keeps me enthralled.
Molon Lube

Brotep

Yes...As I was reminded by the past couple days, we are (most people are, I think) keenly aware of little things like body language and tone of voice and will often respond to them more than to the actual content of what is said.

Passion is beautiful and infectious. To be with passionate people is to feel more alive. The jaded hipsters secretly envy it, no matter how much they deny it.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Brotep on May 11, 2010, 10:51:46 PM
Yes...As I was reminded by the past couple days, we are (most people are, I think) keenly aware of little things like body language and tone of voice and will often respond to them more than to the actual content of what is said.

Passion is beautiful and infectious. To be with passionate people is to feel more alive. The jaded hipsters secretly envy it, no matter how much they deny it.

"Any man who never gets carried away should be."
- Oscar Wilde

Being too jaded to have fun is a special kind of hell, I think.  I'd rather hang out with people who blow up constantly.

Oh, wait.  I do.   :lulz:
Molon Lube

Adios

Things like this OP are one of the reasons I consider you a good friend Dok.

BadBeast

being Cool is all very well, as long as you are not trying too hard. It doesn't count for much anyway, in the grand scheme of things. The older I get, the more selective I am over who my friends are. It's not intolerance  really, it's just better judgement. And these days,  I'd rather have a good enemy, than a bad friend. Loyalty is important too. And anything that smells of sycophancy, while it makes for being able to tolerate someone, it doesn't engender any kind of respect. And actually makes me want to abuse them. And that's not good.

I do have an arrogant streak though,  I think I've earned the right to be a bit fucking arrogant from time to time.  Especially when some idiot is trying to tell me something that I know to be the most utter shite. I am as much a fan of a good session of bullshit as the next Man, but I am not a liar. And if someone asks me something that is actually important, I will give as truthful answer as I can.

I don't like people who are always giving me unsolicited advice either. Advice is a dangerous gift. If asked, I will give the best advice I can, but if that someone then rejects it out of hand, I will not offer them any more. Similarly, I rarely ask for advice, but when I do it's  treated with the consideration I would expect my own advice to be treated. And if you ask some idiot for advice, don't be surprised when it isn't very good.
Superiority, is a bit of a delicate subject, people have such preconceptions of someone who considers themselves superior. But fuck it, some people ARE superior, I will not treat someone as an equal, if they are obviously better than I am, or in a position of Authority that I have recognised, That would be overfamilier, and a bit insulting. But the other way counts too. I am a better person than many of the people I meet. Most in fact. (Told you I was a bit arrogant)
But to treat an inferior person as an equal, is often putting expectations on them, that are unrealistic. I wont treat someone disrespectfully because I feel I am better than them, but it does affect the way I interact with them.
I'm not entirely blind to my own faults, they are many, and varied. And my expectations of people are not unreasonable.
So when someone has expectations of me, that are unreasonable,  but are oblivious to flaws in their own character, or reasoning, I'll call them on it.

(And that's why no-one likes me)
"We need a plane for Bombing, Strafing, Assault and Battery, Interception, Ground Support, and Reconaissance,
NOT JUST A "FAIR WEATHER FIGHTER"!

"I kinda like him. It's like he sees inside my soul" ~ Nigel


Whoever puts their hand on me to govern me, is a usurper, and a tyrant, and I declare them my enemy!

"And when the clouds obscure the moon, and normal service is resumed. It wont. Mean. A. Thing"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpkCJDYxH-4

Doktor Howl

Quote from: BadBeast on May 11, 2010, 11:02:50 PM
The older I get, the more selective I am over who my friends are. It's not intolerance  really, it's just better judgement. And these days,  I'd rather have a good enemy, than a bad friend.

Loyalty is important too.

1.  True, but not the point.  If you really don't feel friendly towards someone, that's one thing...But to be friends, then to do a little sneering, is in itself disloyal, in a sense.

2.  Loyalty is one of the most important things to look for in your friends.
Molon Lube

Doktor Howl

Quote from: Hawk on May 11, 2010, 11:02:30 PM
Things like this OP are one of the reasons I consider you a good friend Dok.

Thanks, Hawk.
Molon Lube

Adios

Quote from: BadBeast on May 11, 2010, 11:02:50 PM

 But fuck it, some people ARE superior, I will not treat someone as an equal, if they are obviously better than I am, or in a position of Authority that I have recognised, That would be overfamilier, and a bit insulting. But the other way counts too. I am a better person than many of the people I meet. Most in fact. (Told you I was a bit arrogant)
But to treat an inferior person as an equal, is often putting expectations on them, that are unrealistic. I wont treat someone disrespectfully because I feel I am better than them, but it does affect the way I interact with them.
I'm not entirely blind to my own faults, they are many, and varied. And my expectations of people are not unreasonable.
So when someone has expectations of me, that are unreasonable,  but are oblivious to flaws in their own character, or reasoning, I'll call them on it.

(And that's why no-one likes me)

And right here is where you lost me. Who are we to judge another person so?

Jasper

Totally agree with everything, and I hate to say this is something I've stumbled on before.  Working on that.  Whenever I catch myself doing it, I recall my Devo.  

I'm through being cool.

Jenne

I hate the "too cool for school" attitude.  Drives me batshit insane.  If I wanna be SILLY, and it EMBARRASSES you, then FUCK OFF.  Yes, I've had this problem before.  This is the stance I've learned to take, fortunately.  Just too late for some pain, unfortunately.

Life IS too fucking short to put up with people who are shitty.