Difficult Choices 9: Sidekick

[Payne]

 

[Jasper]

Had to change my vote.  A talking horse for sure.

[BadBeast]

Wanted the talking Horse, but the Imp on my shoulder made me vote for him.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

It has to be the talking horse.

Imagine all the witty digs he would get in at other people on the road when you're riding him around or while he's defecating in public.

Too good.

I also considered the frat goons.

They would fuck everything up though because they're incompetent.

You'd ask them to get beer and they'd get Milwaukee's Best ICE and drink most of it before they got back.

[Requia ☣]

I got the frat goons.  If I learned anything in college its that you can talk incompetent frat goons into getting themselves into the hospital in truly hilarious ways.

[Salty]

The major advantage to the horse, beyond conversation and transportation, is that if someone steals your friend you can have 'em hanged. 

[Eater of Clowns]

It was between the horse and the imp.  I chose the horse because it's utilitarian - not only can you hang out, you can ride the fucker!  The imp will really only serve to drive you slowly mad.

[Jasper]

See, though, you could teach the horse to play the kazoo.  Then, when people disagree with me, I can say "This horse is playing Bach's Toccata in G Minor on the kazoo.  Your argument is invalid."  And they would shut up, go home, and commit suicide.

[BadBeast]

See, though, you could teach the horse to play the kazoo.  Then, when people disagree with me, I can say "This horse is playing Bach's Toccata in G Minor on the kazoo.  Your argument is invalid."  And they would shut up, go home, and commit suicide.

You'd have to be damned sure the Kazoo was tuned to G Minor though, or some pedant with perfect pitch is bound to call you on it. Invalidating the whole raison d'etre of the Horse. Which may result in quite serious equine issues.

[LMNO]

"tune a kazoo"?

I think I found a new euphemism.

[Jasper]

If anybody points out that the kazoo is in the wrong key, there is always the 'trample' option.

[BadBeast]

If anybody points out that the kazoo is in the wrong key, there is always the 'trample' option.

I'm don't quite understand why you'd have a talking horse validate your argument, by playing a Kazoo. You can train any old Donkey to play a Kazoo.  As this particular Horse has the quite rare ability to speak, wouldn't it  be more effective to just have the half ton fucker agree with whatever you said? 
Maybe in a jocular "Mr Ed" voice?