Post your "American Moments" here.

[Freeky]

ORANGE STRAWBERRY PINEAPPLE JUICE

A BLEND OF FOUR JUICES.

No, no, it's orange, strawberry, pine, and apple. A blend of four juices.

PINE JUICE!!!! I can't describe how funny that is.

[Requia ☣]

I want to see the juicer than can get pine juice.

[malvarma]

 I can't get an erection without invading Iraq first.

[Cainad (dec.)]

At the dentist, sitting in the chair. Hispanic dentist, whitebread assistant.

[discussing the name of a new assistant]
Assistant: Rhona. Is that a Spanish name?
Dentist: No, but it sounds like "rana", which is "frog" in Spanish.
Assistant: Do names change in Spanish much?
Dentist: Some. Like, my name wouldn't. "Wendy" is still Wendy. But yours would be "Cyntia" instead of Cynthia.
Assistant: I don't think I can even pronounce that!
Dentist: Cyn-ti-a
Assistant: I won't even try!

 


I know so many people who are like that.  I don't get them.

There's always a bunch in any foreign language class I've been in... pisses me off, honestly.

[-Kel-]

I got drunk at a sports bar last night after eating an over-sized, over-priced meal at an Italian franchise chain restaurant.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I got a new job that pays 3x what my existing one did by calling random numbers in the Yellow Pages and making up a resume full of jokes.

[maphdet]

I got a new job that pays 3x what my existing one did by calling random numbers in the Yellow Pages and making up a resume full of jokes.

[Juana]

I am impressed, sir.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I got a new job that pays 3x what my existing one did by calling random numbers in the Yellow Pages and making up a resume full of jokes.

How did you land that one?

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I got a new job that pays 3x what my existing one did by calling random numbers in the Yellow Pages and making up a resume full of jokes.

How did you land that one?

That's almost all there was to it. I got bored of selling shitty electronics and satellite TV's, so one day I just opened the phone book, turned to "networking" and called everybody in the list til I found a place that said they were hiring. When I found one, they said they wanted a resume, which I didn't have because I was a slacker who had never had a "real" job. So I opened Word, used the first blank Resume Template, and filled one out. Although, I didn't actually have much experience in the field they were looking for other than amateur stuff, so I filled it up with terrible jokes and puns about computers. They called me in for an interview, and after that they decided I wasn't cut out for the position I applied for. Instead, they hired me on to a position that paid twice as well and had more prestige. A position that wasn't actually open, too, as far as HR was concerned at the time.

[Requia ☣]

I may have to try this.

[Iason Ouabache]

I got a new job that pays 3x what my existing one did by calling random numbers in the Yellow Pages and making up a resume full of jokes.

How did you land that one?

That's almost all there was to it. I got bored of selling shitty electronics and satellite TV's, so one day I just opened the phone book, turned to "networking" and called everybody in the list til I found a place that said they were hiring. When I found one, they said they wanted a resume, which I didn't have because I was a slacker who had never had a "real" job. So I opened Word, used the first blank Resume Template, and filled one out. Although, I didn't actually have much experience in the field they were looking for other than amateur stuff, so I filled it up with terrible jokes and puns about computers. They called me in for an interview, and after that they decided I wasn't cut out for the position I applied for. Instead, they hired me on to a position that paid twice as well and had more prestige. A position that wasn't actually open, too, as far as HR was concerned at the time.

That is one of the most impressive stories I ever heard, especially considering "this economic climate".

Also, I went to a redneck wedding reception on Saturday. I don't have any specific horror stories, but someone did spill beer down my back.

[LMNO]

I got a new job that pays 3x what my existing one did by calling random numbers in the Yellow Pages and making up a resume full of jokes.

How did you land that one?

That's almost all there was to it. I got bored of selling shitty electronics and satellite TV's, so one day I just opened the phone book, turned to "networking" and called everybody in the list til I found a place that said they were hiring. When I found one, they said they wanted a resume, which I didn't have because I was a slacker who had never had a "real" job. So I opened Word, used the first blank Resume Template, and filled one out. Although, I didn't actually have much experience in the field they were looking for other than amateur stuff, so I filled it up with terrible jokes and puns about computers. They called me in for an interview, and after that they decided I wasn't cut out for the position I applied for. Instead, they hired me on to a position that paid twice as well and had more prestige. A position that wasn't actually open, too, as far as HR was concerned at the time.

As far as I'm concerned, that is an all-time Epic Flawless Victory Win.

[Jasper]

Holy crap, Vex. 

[Suu]

Just went to the mall with my sister and bought Coach flip flops on sale, but we got even more money off when she used her Macy's card and a special coupon. She got Michael Kors and Guess shoes the same way.