Author Topic: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD  (Read 1474 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« on: January 05, 2012, 06:34:15 pm »
I was trying to tell you fucks about Tucson, once, but I got distracted by perverts.  It’s like this:  Once upon a time, in a foul past that couldn’t exist in this particular world, there was a show called Hee Haw.  It was a cloyingly-folksy down home country “comedy” show that old people who should have known better watched…What’s more, they made US watch it, too. 

Imagine humor written by the moral guardians of The Grand Ole Opry, and delivered by Buck Owens and Roy fucking Clark at their hammiest.  Shovel on a bunch of sexism so blatant it offended a 9 year old boy in the 70s, and then to top it all off, imagine them trying to preach tolerance to other races, troweled on with the help of Charley Pride, who always had this horrible fixed smile on his face, a smile that said “My relatives will never speak to me again, after I’ve shucked and jived for these fucking honkey po’buckers”.

Then imagine that in the middle of the show, they all turn and look out of the screen at you, and start calling you by name and screaming for help and Minnie Pearl walks on-set laughing and swinging an ice axe, yelling “HOOOOWDEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

You, sitting in your chair with your hair standing on end and this little “eeeeeeeee” noise coming out of your mouth?  You’re in Tucson.

Welcome home.


(more to follow)
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
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- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2012, 06:42:14 pm »
I like this. :lol:
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2012, 06:54:52 pm »
I like this. :lol:

Hee Haw scarred me.  I've never been the same since.  I was a regular kid before that.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2012, 06:55:52 pm »
Damn shame about Charley Pride.


LMNO
-knows it's a threadjack, but still.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2012, 06:57:06 pm »
Damn shame about Charley Pride.

???

You mean, OTHER than being the classic example of the token, safe, minority personality?
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2012, 07:00:21 pm »
I like this. :lol:

Hee Haw scarred me.  I've never been the same since.  I was a regular kid before that.

Every time I saw Hee Haw, I remember thinking "HOW IS THIS ON TELEVISION!?"

Also, The Gong Show. Oh my god.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2012, 07:03:30 pm »
I like this. :lol:

Hee Haw scarred me.  I've never been the same since.  I was a regular kid before that.

Every time I saw Hee Haw, I remember thinking "HOW IS THIS ON TELEVISION!?"

Also, The Gong Show. Oh my god.

The Gong Show at least had that 70s bad acid feel to it...Especially the Unknown Comic, and when they'd fight over the gong striker when an act was really bad.

Hee Haw was just this awful THING portraying an America that never, ever happened, in a way that made me feel like I was watching the Twilight Zone while taking Thorazine.  It made me feel like something BAD was going to happen to - rather than in - The Future.  Which of course was true.  I knew I was doomed before I was 10 years old.

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2012, 07:07:26 pm »
Damn shame about Charley Pride.

???

You mean, OTHER than being the classic example of the token, safe, minority personality?

But oh, my god.  That VOICE.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2012, 07:08:55 pm »
Damn shame about Charley Pride.

???

You mean, OTHER than being the classic example of the token, safe, minority personality?

But oh, my god.  That VOICE.

I think that was part of the "deal" he made.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2012, 08:30:10 pm »
Maybe I should make my kids watch Hee Haw.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


LMNO

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2012, 08:38:24 pm »
They will most likely kill you in your sleep.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2012, 09:43:05 pm »
They will most likely kill you in your sleep.

I think that's gonna happen anyway.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Doktor Howl

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Re: UNLIMITED TUCSON/AFTERLIFE DESCRIPTION THREAD
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2020, 05:52:45 pm »
I was trying to tell you fucks about Tucson, once, but I got distracted by perverts.  It’s like this:  Once upon a time, in a foul past that couldn’t exist in this particular world, there was a show called Hee Haw.  It was a cloyingly-folksy down home country “comedy” show that old people who should have known better watched…What’s more, they made US watch it, too. 

Imagine humor written by the moral guardians of The Grand Ole Opry, and delivered by Buck Owens and Roy fucking Clark at their hammiest.  Shovel on a bunch of sexism so blatant it offended a 9 year old boy in the 70s, and then to top it all off, imagine them trying to preach tolerance to other races, troweled on with the help of Charley Pride, who always had this horrible fixed smile on his face, a smile that said “My relatives will never speak to me again, after I’ve shucked and jived for these fucking honkey po’buckers”.

Then imagine that in the middle of the show, they all turn and look out of the screen at you, and start calling you by name and screaming for help and Minnie Pearl walks on-set laughing and swinging an ice axe, yelling “HOOOOWDEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

You, sitting in your chair with your hair standing on end and this little “eeeeeeeee” noise coming out of your mouth?  You’re in Tucson.

Welcome home.


(more to follow)

Bump for Kevin-related crimes later today.
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