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FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

Started by Cramulus, June 22, 2010, 02:44:42 PM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 28, 2016, 08:22:01 PM
Quote from: SuuCal on September 28, 2016, 03:08:11 AM
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS?

Edit: Okay, so I read why, BUT STILL, DUDE. YOU'VE READ THE HORRORS!

-Suu
Just felt her asshole pucker all over again.

I'm very slowly rebounding from a black depression that's brought me too close to a very different precipice these last couple months and getting myself all hopped up on ORANGES..... was appealing.  :p

Puns aside, I REALLY underestimated the fuckers by more than I even figured possible. Here's the fucked up part: Even in the worst of the agony I felt a certain thrill. It wasn't masochism. The pain was a massive distraction from the good feeling I had, in fact. I don't think it was a product of the bitter ass chemistry at play either, nor the "rush" of an altered state. I can do more with less and no side effects in meditation if I so choose, not my first rodeo as they say.

I think it was the unexpected challenge I brought on myself and the sense that even though I'd brought it on myself it was also mine alone to overcome. Again I only told the most technical parts of the experience for the reason stated, but the rest of that story feels like it helped me seal the shit these last couple months behind me.

I soppose I could say I was tossed and laid out for trespass, but they deposited me on the far side of their turf, where I was headed. They are now between me and what I left behind. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's the feeling.

What you felt, son, was the thrill of being an ATHLETE. Of pushing your body to its limits. Being a competitive orange-eater isn't just about an event, it's about a mindset and a lifestyle. It's about a way of being. It's about being WILLING to eat orange after orange, even when the body and everyone around you says no. It's about KNOWING that you might shit yourself or vomit blood. It's about SMELLING the orange sweat for days afterward.

When you're an orange-eating competitor, you are more than just an athlete. You are AN HERO.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Wizard Joseph

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on October 08, 2016, 04:19:54 PM
Quote from: The Wizard Joseph on September 28, 2016, 08:22:01 PM
Quote from: SuuCal on September 28, 2016, 03:08:11 AM
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS?

Edit: Okay, so I read why, BUT STILL, DUDE. YOU'VE READ THE HORRORS!

-Suu
Just felt her asshole pucker all over again.

I'm very slowly rebounding from a black depression that's brought me too close to a very different precipice these last couple months and getting myself all hopped up on ORANGES..... was appealing.  :p

Puns aside, I REALLY underestimated the fuckers by more than I even figured possible. Here's the fucked up part: Even in the worst of the agony I felt a certain thrill. It wasn't masochism. The pain was a massive distraction from the good feeling I had, in fact. I don't think it was a product of the bitter ass chemistry at play either, nor the "rush" of an altered state. I can do more with less and no side effects in meditation if I so choose, not my first rodeo as they say.

I think it was the unexpected challenge I brought on myself and the sense that even though I'd brought it on myself it was also mine alone to overcome. Again I only told the most technical parts of the experience for the reason stated, but the rest of that story feels like it helped me seal the shit these last couple months behind me.

I soppose I could say I was tossed and laid out for trespass, but they deposited me on the far side of their turf, where I was headed. They are now between me and what I left behind. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's the feeling.

What you felt, son, was the thrill of being an ATHLETE. Of pushing your body to its limits. Being a competitive orange-eater isn't just about an event, it's about a mindset and a lifestyle. It's about a way of being. It's about being WILLING to eat orange after orange, even when the body and everyone around you says no. It's about KNOWING that you might shit yourself or vomit blood. It's about SMELLING the orange sweat for days afterward.

When you're an orange-eating competitor, you are more than just an athlete. You are AN HERO.

I swear the fuck to Christ two things

1. I heard goddamn majestic trumpets in my head as I started reading that, and they weren't just for me. They were for THE FUTURE of the many.

2. When you wrote AN HERO my brain translated it to something like not quite a British accent saying something like "an errow" in a winky sort of way like you might say horrible as "'orrible". As in an historic or an honorable... but. . You.. know that...
Anyway what I'm saying is that that particular pronunciation should be the "inside" version, methinks.


You know what I would rather do than eat ORANGES again? Almost literally anything else, including unmentionable things I might NEVER consider preferable except by comparison TO ORANGES. I have eaten exactly one since last time just to see if I could, and I did. My body no longer seems to instinctively consider them food, but recognized the sugar and vitamins enough to get going... "if that's how it's going to be then". Just one. It felt like I'd left a little reminder of myself behind after, a memento for them of my gratitude for their kind treatment on my way through.

Funny story, true story. Things got awfully anthropomorphic up in this head here. Didn't place the accent and THAT seemed a neat effect, novel linguistic permutations are rather rare. Usually it's a more recognizable set of stuff that the mind builds imagery from. Not quite on par with shouting in a truly foreign language, but hey.

When I was peeling the one since I happened to notice that the sticker said Product of South Africa and it clicked. That was the accent.

The ORANGES will see me again. I'll be more respectably prepared next time.

( :horrormirth: "WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING??" That's the part of me that's not on board, loosely translated from the neural signals of the parts of me that have to actual EAT them, but they don't actually have a vote.)
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl

Freeky

This thread is the best thing to ever happen to the internet. 

Vanadium Gryllz

"I was fine until my skin came off.  I'm never going to South Attelboro again."

The Wizard Joseph

Quote from: Xaz on December 05, 2016, 07:01:09 PM
I hear their siren song...

This became my unofficial theme song for the last competition. I hadn't seen this video until now and it made me give even MORE association.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_mSmOcmk7uQ
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl

Freeky

Quote from: Xaz on December 05, 2016, 07:01:09 PM
I hear their siren song...

Oh, dude.  The trees in my backyard are full of ORANGES.  They'll be ripe in the next few days.

I CHALLENGE THEE!

Freeky

However, it'll have to wait until after Wednesday, beacuse my laptop is getting fixed that day.

Q. G. Pennyworth


Vanadium Gryllz

Uhh i'm gonna have to buy more oranges because those got turned into orange vodka.

And I don't know how I feel about turning my insides into outsides in the near future.
"I was fine until my skin came off.  I'm never going to South Attelboro again."

Sung Low

The d key has chosen to absent itself

Junkenstein

This thread is now 68 pages of people not learning a damn thing. And I love you all for it.

May the gods have mercy on your bowels for citrus surely will not.
Nine naked Men just walking down the road will cause a heap of trouble for all concerned.

Q. G. Pennyworth

Quote from: Xaz on December 05, 2016, 09:22:33 PM
Uhh i'm gonna have to buy more oranges because those got turned into orange vodka.

And I don't know how I feel about turning my insides into outsides in the near future.

Can you get it done by Thursday? Thursday is shrink day and I can't think of a better day to do something hornet-fucking stupid.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Junkenstein on December 05, 2016, 11:29:29 PM
This thread is now 68 pages of people not learning a damn thing. And I love you all for it.

May the gods have mercy on your bowels for citrus surely will not.

Only the first two were any fun.

The 3rd one was just a bunch of people quietly damaging themselves with fruit.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Wizard Joseph

It was a very somber occasion.  :|
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
- Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

"You program the controller to do the thing, only it doesn't do the thing.  It does something else entirely, or nothing at all.  It's like voting."
- Billy, Aug 21st, 2019

"It's not even chaos anymore. It's BANAL."
- Doktor Hamish Howl

LMNO

The Catholics have the flagellum.

Muslims have Ashura.

Discordians have fucking oranges.