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Guarantee

Started by Captain Utopia, July 11, 2010, 04:23:14 AM

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Captain Utopia

I develop software, I work from home four out of five days of the week and I'm able to make my own hours since I generally have deadlines in three-month chunks and I have very little oversight.  This is both good and bad of course, but I can't lie - it's the best contracting gig I've ever had.  Last summer I started taking my daughter out to the park on nice days.  Being able to bunk off and spend 2-3 hours in the late afternoon/early evening building castles in the sand-pit and teaching her how to climb around the equipment was more fun that I had ever expected.  So this year when the snow cleared we were out there again as often as we could.  Now it was different though, she'd actually pay attention to the other kids, and entertain herself rather than always wanting me to be there.  So I found myself sitting on my ass with time to do nothing think, which had really become something of a forgotten novelty.

In May, the sycamore trees around parts of the city started shedding.  They shed in the sandpit too, big rubbery un-matured wings.  By now the sand was warm enough that my daughter would refuse to wear shoes.  I know I live downtown, but shit, sand between your toes is one of those pleasures which makes life worth living, right?  So although they were not comfortable to walk upon, and in patches so dense that you sometimes couldn't see the sand underneath, I didn't press the issue.

She ran off to play with a reckless joy which I swore that if I only ever accomplish one major thing in my lifetime - I'd be delighted if it turned out to be helping her keep that sense of fun alive until she's old enough to protect it herself.  It's a joy which looked a little like this:


And an intelligent design rebuttal popped into my mind at this point.  Premise - the human body is so perfectly designed and attuned to its environment that it couldn't possibly blah blah.  Rebuttal - the body isn't such a perfect machine, it's continually breaking down, and there are a few nifty tricks, but also a lot of waste and inefficiency.. basically a comedy of dna replication errors, then you die.

I looked again at the thousands of unfertilised seeds shed in the sand - that wasted effort - I guess seed makers of all kinds over-produce wildly.  Millions of sperm for a single egg.  It's not precise, it's not perfect.  It's messy and beautiful.  It's not wisdom, it's assembly line opportunism.

The joke is that any of it works at all.

And then there's me, furrows in my brow trying to outsmart tomorrow.  Impotent regret for opportunities missed.  Vacillating back and forth so fast I spend almost no time in the present.

Why?

Because it wasn't meant to be, because I feel the presence of fate even though I logically denounce it at every turn.  Because I believe some things are meant to be while knowing that they're not.

Aha - because I want the guarantee of vindication, as a natural law, to motivate the ruthless tooth and nail fight which is I know is required to give my daughter the chance at life she deserves.

And that's a whole other story - but I realised on that bench, that I wasn't so stupid for wanting that goal, as I was for allowing myself to succumb to the comforting crutch of make-believe in order to ease my path.  There are no guarantees, and in other news, I need a helmet.

Salty

I enjoyed this.
The imagery was good and clear and I feel strongly about this:
Quoteguarantee of vindication

Also, cute kid.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Eater of Clowns

FP, that was really quite good.  You fucked yourself though, if I ever see you talking about how writing isn't one of your strong points like you were saying a few months ago I'm linking this shit to you.
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Cramulus


DiscoUkulele

Great :) Your daughter is adorable.
You shouldn't let poets lie to you.
                                 - Bjork

Elder Iptuous

That was really good.
thanks, man...
:)