This Shit Just HAS to Stop.

[Dimocritus]

Ok, so a few years back a family moved in next door. They're your typical American Consumer type family, but they're generally pretty quiet and they keep to themselves alright, but, well, their kids...

See, these kids that these people have spawned are probably the most boring teenagers in the universe. At first, obviously, this didn't bother me. However, after the four-millionth time I watched them gleefully mow the lawn in one week, their enthusiasm for common lawn-care activities gets a little, we'll say, obnoxious.

And the overzealous landscaping is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

Three to four times a week, these kids just HAVE to wash their parents cars. As if this was the absolute BEST way to spend their summer. Again, this wasn't much of a problem. At first. Yes, these teens' inclination to live up to the "status quo" is annoying, but easily ignored. Even at four washings a week. However, their undying vigilance for detailing becomes VERY off-putting. For example, the power went out tonight, and instead calling it a night, they pulled one car in front of the other and turned on the headlights so they coud continue washing the car in the dark. IN THE DARK!! They dry the frikkin thing with a leaf-blower. A LEAF BLOWER!!!

These kids are also incredibly inconsiderate, in the sense that our county is currently conserving water, and there's one of those things going on where the even and odd numbered houses  alternate days on which they are allowed to use water for "non-essential" activities, such as watering your lawn, and washing your car. These kids don't pay any attention to this and, instead of shutting off the water in between spray-downs, they just spray the fucking water into the street while they soap up their precious (which isn't even theirs, technically). While we're conserving water.

Ok, before anyone jumps on me about "maybe they're doing it for allowance or something," don't. Any parent that insists that you wash the car four times a week in the fucking dark is a lunatic. Plus, just watching them, I can tell that they absolutely LIVE for it. They discuss at length propper technique, and congradulate each other on a job well done. This is not correct behaviour for teen-age boys. For crying out loud, DRINK A BEER OR SOMETHING! GET SOME PORN! SMOKE A FUCKING DOOBIE!!! JUST DO SOMETHING!!!!! Spraying water into the street is not the same calibur of "rebellious teenage behaviour" that kids participated in when I was a teenager.

Any way, I need to do something about this.

My first thought was, just as soon as they wash the car, I'll start mowing the lawn, successfully blowing dirt and dust onto their freshly cleansed ride. HOWEVER, I do NOT want to mow the fucking lawn four times a week. There must be something I can do to, if not get them to stop developing their OCD and anal-retentive habits, at least drive them mad... slowly.

I'm open to any ideas that won't get me arrested.

[Suu]

Time to sneak them some literature.

[BluTakDuck]

If they love washing cars, help them out. Organise some sort of charity car wash drive, advertise it around your area, put ads in the paper etc. But just don't tell them about it.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

MAYBE THEY ARE BEING PUNISHED

[Jasper]

They seem fairly approachable, otherwise I wouldn't say this - but I find my curiosity overwhelming:

Just approach them, introduce yourself, and ask why they enjoy washing the car so much.

If nothing else, it could make for an interesting dialog for an intermittens.

[Dimocritus]

MAYBE THEY ARE BEING PUNISHED

Nobody is that gleeful about punishment.

[Richter]

Pills.  They has.

[Doktor Howl]

Don't do anything.

Just relax and smile in anticipation of life kicking the shit out of those kids.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

Don't do anything.

Just relax and smile in anticipation of life kicking the shit out of those kids.

this       unfortunately

[Cramulus]

posters for local trees:

Signs of being one of THEM:
-obsessive car washing
-compulsive lawn mowing
-disordered grinning

Look out for THEM. They could be ANYWHERE.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

 

see, Cram is a genius

[Adios]

Don't do anything.

Just relax and smile in anticipation of life kicking the shit out of those kids.

Encourage this behavior.

[Rev. St. Syn, KSC (Ret.)]

posters for local trees:

Signs of being one of THEM:
-obsessive car washing
-compulsive lawn mowing
-disordered grinning

Look out for THEM. They could be ANYWHERE.

clicky

[Payne]

Wait. These guys LIKE mowing the lawn and washing the car...

And you AREN'T exploiting the ever-living FUCK outta that?

[Dimocritus]

posters for local trees:

Signs of being one of THEM:
-obsessive car washing
-compulsive lawn mowing
-disordered grinning

Look out for THEM. They could be ANYWHERE.

This is good, though I think I might add a list of long/short-term effects of suburbia exposure. Y'know, something to scare/freak them out with.

My god... They're at it AGAIN!!!