I Am That I Am.

[Adios]

I am the Lord thy God. You will bow before Me and tremble and worship Me. You will Obey Me as My word is Law. The penalty for not Obeying Me is far worse that death.

How to the christians actually follow this shit? No wonder we are moving towards a slave state, it's been embedded in people.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

They like not being responsible for the things that go wrong in their lives or the things that are wrong, period. If God is on hand then there is no need to be the disciplinarian, the moral compass, or anything. God does it all for them. They can just sit in their meek little huddle, praise God, and be assured they will go to Heaven.

[Adios]

God is now interchangeable with government.

[LMNO]

God is now interchangeable with government.

This would certainly explain the whole "Obama is a muslim" bullshit.

[Adios]

God is now interchangeable with government.

This would certainly explain the whole "Obama is a muslim" bullshit.

Well, that is Teabagger propaganda, but I'm sure it didn't hurt.

[Thurnez Isa]

I am the Lord thy God. You will bow before Me and tremble and worship Me. You will Obey Me as My word is Law. The penalty for not Obeying Me is far worse that death.

How to the christians actually follow this shit? No wonder we are moving towards a slave state, it's been embedded in people.

It allows them to feel like children again.

[Cuddlefish]

God is now interchangeable with government.

Umm... Now? How about, ever since the conception of "God" and "State" the two have been practicaly one and the same?

[Prince Glittersnatch III]

Christianity never really sat well with me for the simple fact that it reminds me so much of a snake oil salesman.
Heres the pitch.

You sir! Do you know that you are gravely ill!

I am? 

YES! Your horribly HORRIBLY ill!!!

If I was sick wouldnt I realize it? 

Oh no no no, not with this disease. The ailment you possess is a silent killer, a thief in the night READY TO CUT YOUR THROAT AT ANY MOMENT. You are sick in such a way that to the untrained eye you would appear perfectly well until it was TOO LATE.

Gosh! What is this horrible plague!? 


SIN! Sin is a horrible condition that causes you postmortem to suffer and burn eternally!

NO! I cant burn forever! MY SKIN IS FAR TOO FAIR!!!   

Fear not. There is a simple answer my friend. My magical JESUS ELIXIR. *Unveils bottle*

*stares in awe*   

Yes not only can my handy dandy Jesus Elixer save you from your toasty fate, but it can also:

-Cures Baldness

-Improves your colon health

-adds at least TWO inches to your penis

-AND (heres the kicker folks) GRANTS YOU ETERNAL LIFE!!!!

Wowee! How did I ever live without it!   

How indeed mah boi. Here, how about a FREE SAMPLE

*Gulps down bottle of mercury and rubbing alcohol* Thanks mister! Now that my sin is cured I can finally rest easy.

No you cant mah boi, your sin is not cured yet! Yes, sadly medical science has only come so far, if you only take one dose and then stop your sin will come back!

Well how long do I have to take this medicine before Im cured?

Your whole life. Well technically if you take it just before you die it still counts but, seeing as that can happen at any moment your best off taking it regularly for the rest of your life. I suggest every Sunday morning.

Wait, you said this elixer would grant me eternal life! 

Yes! My miracle Jesus elixer will grant you ETERNAL LIFE!!!!! after you die.

wat 

After you die you will live forever, but only if you drink my Jesus elixer up until the last moment of your life! You may not seem like your still alive to the bystander but trust me, your alive.

Hmmm.... You drive a hard bargain my friend. How much?

Only 10% of your daily income every week!

ITS A DEAL! *hands over money*

Dont forget to read the warning label!

WARNING

Doing any of the following while taking Jesus^tm will negate the effects of Jesus^tm and cause you to burn in hell forever:
-Participating in sodomy
-Breaking any law(except diddling altar boys)
-Questioning the effects of Jesus^tm
-Voting Democrat
-Believing in evolution

The best part of the whole thing is that its a pyramid scheme. Once someone sells you Jesus it is your sacred duty to sell Jesus to other people too! Infact, Christianity just may be the single greatest pyramid scheme ever made, surviving well past the lifetime of its creator.

[Brotep]

The real flimflammery isn't telling you that you're fucked, it's selling salvation for cheap, cheap, CHEAP!

Because, let's face it, you are fucked. You are going to die. What then? Nonexistence?

There is a kind of horror to whittling away your leisure time with stupid, meaningless crap. Does it count for anything, in the end? Will watching just one more youtube video leave a smile on your face when you pass into the grave?

[Thurnez Isa]

http://firedoglake.com/2010/09/01/late-night-jehovah-goes-galt/

God is basically Ayn Rand with a great big bushy beard, according to Michael Medved, who may not be a great theological thinker, but who at least ought to know from ghastly misbegotten facial hair.

It's a stupid article but it does tell us a lot about the beliefs of crackpot hard right wingnut jihadists like Medved,  whose belief system is about to run and wreck the country because the Democratic Party refuses to act like liberals.

    "For more than a hundred years liberals and conservatives have been arguing over the true meaning of justice. The left emphasizes just outcomes—seeking smaller gaps between rich and poor, and a comparably dignified standard of living for all members of society. The right stresses just procedures –making sure that individuals keep the fruits of their own labors and remain secure in their property, without seizure by their neighbors or by government."

This is dogma, which I'm using as a polite term for "a devoutly believed-in article of bullshit right-wing faith." The actual "left" believes that the United States should not be a game preserve, theme park, or toxic waste dump for a highly privileged minority. The actual "right" believes they should be allowed to use the power of the state to ensure that a highly privileged minority gets to piss on whoever they want, and that they shouldn't pay taxes because fuck you.

Medved says this is the Message of the Almighty. No, really.

    "If the Bible is indeed the word of God (as a big majority of Americans say they believe it is), then it's difficult to escape the conclusion that the Almighty would cast his all-important ballot for Republicans.... the Biblical view directly contradicts the leftist inclination: no, you can't unjustly confiscate wealth from those who created it to fulfill the righteous goal of helping the poor. The Bible insists that no matter how worthy your purposes, you must employ only righteous means in achieving them."

Which would be persuasive if "taxes" equate to "unjust confiscation," a view that's actually fairly extremist by historical and rational standards, even if it's the Word of the LORD in Medved's circles. Heck, Medved is basing this nonsense on the Torah; his interpretation might perhaps come as a bit of a surprise therefore to, say, the state of Israel. Don't they even know over there how badly they are pissing off the Creator of All? Maybe Medved should send them a note.

Medved also seems to believe that the US legal system is Satanically geared towards helping the poor at the expense of the helpless, cruelly oppressed rich. I'd rebut this point but I might be forced to use bad words in doing so, and I am a gentleman.

In short, if your God is all about how you shouldn't have to pay taxes, but is all right with the state letting corporations sell you salmonella, permitting torture, starting stupid wars, and making kids bring toilet paper to school with them along with their pencils and notebooks, well, your God can blow it out his ass, quite frankly, I say with as much courtesy as I can at present muster.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

http://firedoglake.com/2010/09/01/late-night-jehovah-goes-galt/

God is basically Ayn Rand with a great big bushy beard, according to Michael Medved, who may not be a great theological thinker, but who at least ought to know from ghastly misbegotten facial hair.

It's a stupid article but it does tell us a lot about the beliefs of crackpot hard right wingnut jihadists like Medved,  whose belief system is about to run and wreck the country because the Democratic Party refuses to act like liberals.

    "For more than a hundred years liberals and conservatives have been arguing over the true meaning of justice. The left emphasizes just outcomes—seeking smaller gaps between rich and poor, and a comparably dignified standard of living for all members of society. The right stresses just procedures –making sure that individuals keep the fruits of their own labors and remain secure in their property, without seizure by their neighbors or by government."

This is dogma, which I'm using as a polite term for "a devoutly believed-in article of bullshit right-wing faith." The actual "left" believes that the United States should not be a game preserve, theme park, or toxic waste dump for a highly privileged minority. The actual "right" believes they should be allowed to use the power of the state to ensure that a highly privileged minority gets to piss on whoever they want, and that they shouldn't pay taxes because fuck you.

Medved says this is the Message of the Almighty. No, really.

    "If the Bible is indeed the word of God (as a big majority of Americans say they believe it is), then it's difficult to escape the conclusion that the Almighty would cast his all-important ballot for Republicans.... the Biblical view directly contradicts the leftist inclination: no, you can't unjustly confiscate wealth from those who created it to fulfill the righteous goal of helping the poor. The Bible insists that no matter how worthy your purposes, you must employ only righteous means in achieving them."

Which would be persuasive if "taxes" equate to "unjust confiscation," a view that's actually fairly extremist by historical and rational standards, even if it's the Word of the LORD in Medved's circles. Heck, Medved is basing this nonsense on the Torah; his interpretation might perhaps come as a bit of a surprise therefore to, say, the state of Israel. Don't they even know over there how badly they are pissing off the Creator of All? Maybe Medved should send them a note.

Medved also seems to believe that the US legal system is Satanically geared towards helping the poor at the expense of the helpless, cruelly oppressed rich. I'd rebut this point but I might be forced to use bad words in doing so, and I am a gentleman.

In short, if your God is all about how you shouldn't have to pay taxes, but is all right with the state letting corporations sell you salmonella, permitting torture, starting stupid wars, and making kids bring toilet paper to school with them along with their pencils and notebooks, well, your God can blow it out his ass, quite frankly, I say with as much courtesy as I can at present muster.

And here's a quote from some obscure Christian dude:

15Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him in his words. 16They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians. "Teacher," they said, "we know you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren't swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are. 17Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?"

18But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, "You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? 19Show me the coin used for paying the tax." They brought him a denarius, 20and he asked them, "Whose portrait is this? And whose inscription?"

21"Caesar's," they replied.

Then he said to them, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's."

Sure looks like Jesus was anti-Tax...

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Christianity never really sat well with me for the simple fact that it reminds me so much of a snake oil salesman.
Heres the pitch.

You sir! Do you know that you are gravely ill!

I am? 

YES! Your horribly HORRIBLY ill!!!

If I was sick wouldnt I realize it? 

Oh no no no, not with this disease. The ailment you possess is a silent killer, a thief in the night READY TO CUT YOUR THROAT AT ANY MOMENT. You are sick in such a way that to the untrained eye you would appear perfectly well until it was TOO LATE.

Gosh! What is this horrible plague!? 


SIN! Sin is a horrible condition that causes you postmortem to suffer and burn eternally!

NO! I cant burn forever! MY SKIN IS FAR TOO FAIR!!!   

Fear not. There is a simple answer my friend. My magical JESUS ELIXIR. *Unveils bottle*

*stares in awe*   

Yes not only can my handy dandy Jesus Elixer save you from your toasty fate, but it can also:

-Cures Baldness

-Improves your colon health

-adds at least TWO inches to your penis

-AND (heres the kicker folks) GRANTS YOU ETERNAL LIFE!!!!

Wowee! How did I ever live without it!   

How indeed mah boi. Here, how about a FREE SAMPLE

*Gulps down bottle of mercury and rubbing alcohol* Thanks mister! Now that my sin is cured I can finally rest easy.

No you cant mah boi, your sin is not cured yet! Yes, sadly medical science has only come so far, if you only take one dose and then stop your sin will come back!

Well how long do I have to take this medicine before Im cured?

Your whole life. Well technically if you take it just before you die it still counts but, seeing as that can happen at any moment your best off taking it regularly for the rest of your life. I suggest every Sunday morning.

Wait, you said this elixer would grant me eternal life! 

Yes! My miracle Jesus elixer will grant you ETERNAL LIFE!!!!! after you die.

wat 

After you die you will live forever, but only if you drink my Jesus elixer up until the last moment of your life! You may not seem like your still alive to the bystander but trust me, your alive.

Hmmm.... You drive a hard bargain my friend. How much?

Only 10% of your daily income every week!

ITS A DEAL! *hands over money*

Dont forget to read the warning label!

WARNING

Doing any of the following while taking Jesus^tm will negate the effects of Jesus^tm and cause you to burn in hell forever:
-Participating in sodomy
-Breaking any law(except diddling altar boys)
-Questioning the effects of Jesus^tm
-Voting Democrat
-Believing in evolution

The best part of the whole thing is that its a pyramid scheme. Once someone sells you Jesus it is your sacred duty to sell Jesus to other people too! Infact, Christianity just may be the single greatest pyramid scheme ever made, surviving well past the lifetime of its creator.

Dude, would you be willing to contribute this to CDGASM?

[Prince Glittersnatch III]

Id be more than happy to. 

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Awesome!

[Prince Glittersnatch III]

Awesome!

So what does contributing it entail exactly?
All I have to do is record it right?