An Edict To Smartphone Users Who Wish Remain Human And Not A Bionic-Cabbage

[LMNO]

Mrs LMNO and I are often seen synching up with the mothership.  I won't do it when I'm actually talking with someone or experiencing something, but if I have a moment, I will check it.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I love my phone, if I didn't have it my kids couldn't beg 24/7.   

Seriously though, I am online on my phone more than I talk on it. 

I'm a never turn the phone off except to reset the time chica, I can't demand the kids have their phones for emergencies then have mine off when they call me with one right? 

[Cramulus]

synching up with the mothership.

I LOVE this comparison!

FILE SAVED

[Richter]

Smartphones are like people holes.  You mention soemthing, then all of a sudden they drop out of your conversation while they ask the zeitgeist.  (google, wiki, and youtube be thy name)  They're OK some other times, but there is such a thing as having too much information.

If I had one, I'd never go off a highway exploring for a gas station or food joint.  I'd jsut be direct point to point. 
I'd never get lsot and explore either, which is my preferred way to learn any city. 

[PANGO!]

THEY CALL THEM SMART PHONES because they are, generally, next to HUMANS. By comparison, the phones are practically GODS in the area of computation and logic. YOU HOGS ARE HARDLY WORTH THE EFFORT IT TAKES TO PRODUCE SUCH HEAVENLY DEVICES; it is only because they are such magnificent creatures that they are made at all. It has nothing to do with convenience to Humans.

In 1974, I sat on a panel of scientists who were developing the first iteration of tiny electronic devices. I sat on that panel, and I CRUSHED THEM under the mountainous weight of my BIG IDEAS. They screamed. They kicked. They pissed themselves. Eventually, they suffocated and died. They were weak. They wanted the future you all think you have. They wanted FREEDOM OF INFORMATION and INSTANT CHAT and FRONT-FACING CAMERAS. THEY WANTED TO RULE THE WORLD FROM A THRONE OF GOOD INTENTIONS. And they never even made it out of R&D. I took the plans, I built the prototypes.

Do you think the radiation that continually permeates your saggy, flappy little bodies is an accident? NO! It is all part of THE PLAN.

PHASE TWO INVOLVES FLYING MONKEYS.

You've all been warned, you swine.


--DOKTOR PANGO,
Leading the Fight Against Whatever.

[Cramulus]

 

first paragraph is so solid gold

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

Fuck yeah! Bring on the monkeys!

[the last yatto]

I hate that it takes three people to get the family plan discount. First and second person fifty each, third one is five to fifteen depending on carrier