Hostile Reactions to Mundane Things

[Cramulus]

A few of my roommates have these extremely negative and hostile reactions to very mundane occurrences. It puts me on edge.

Yesterday, we were driving to the bagel store for breakfast. Sunday was apparently Race day in Tarrytown. There were a lot of people on bikes, wearing numbers as if they were in a race. This set my roommate off for some reason.

First he was bitching about how shitty the bikers are for being in the street and getting in everybody's way. They're acting like they're cars! Oh god oh god. They think they're so important, but it's so shitty of them to bike on roads. People have places to go, can't they understand that? God I hate stupid people....  Except that the bikers weren't in our way, they were actually on another road. And my roommate, the one excreting all this anger, doesn't even drive.

We parked, and got in line at the bagel store. There were some runners from this local prep school standing behind us in line. They were clearly a track team, all wearing matching t-shirts and running shorts. After we sat down, my roommate got so worked up over these kids. They didn't talk to us or even look at us, but he hated their tight shorts. He was outraged because he could see their butts. "You shouldn't be wearing fucking banana hammocks in public!" and swearing and gnashing and getting all worked up over these kids. "Self improvement REALLY IS masturbation!"

The irony of the situation is that his vulgar screed was pissing off the family sitting next to us and he wasn't even aware. His ranting was far more objectionable and offensive than some guys on bikes, or some high school kids wearing jogging shorts.

When the rant crescendoed in a tirade about how we should line these people up and kill them with shot guns, I was like, "Woah... take a breath, dude. It's just shorts." And he calmed down, he realized he had been in hate mode all morning for basically no reason... eventually he got fixated again on some mundane thing and got all twisted out of shape about it.


I've gotta keep that kind of negativity at arm's length -- it can really infect you.

It's so easy to hate on "stupid people". And it feels very rewarding to be outraged. But it's not a fun vibe to be around.


I found myself wondering how to orient myself to it. I wanted to object to his objections. I wanted to say, "dude, we're in a public space, sometimes you're going to see things you don't like and you're gonna hafta deal with it." But I also myself didn't want to get consumed by the critical nitpicky energy. If I wanted to preach tolerance, maybe the best thing was to practice tolerance and keep my mouth shut. And just remove myself from the situations which piss me off so much.

[Don Coyote]

Your friend is retarded and should be shot. Is he overweight or out of shape? Maybe that is why he is hating on the cyclists and runners.

[Jasper]

Anger is exciting, even when it's meaningless.  It feels good.  It is a drug.

The best prognosis possible:  He gains some self-awareness and learns to channel his anger in humorous or instructive ways like Dok Howl does. 

That sort of thing takes time and some other stuff I haven't discovered yet.

[Cainad (dec.)]

I've had days where I felt like that, but very rarely ever acted like that (not that I've never gotten all bent outta shape over pointless crap). I have, however, spent a lot of time experiencing the same kind of discomfort you describe; the person you're hanging out with is raising their hackles over nearly everything, to the point where you kind of don't want to be hanging out with them until they calm the fuck down.

[Jasper]

Maybe they just think they're being like Lewis Black.  That would be an easier fix.

[AFK]

Have them read Nonsense as Salvation from the PD, (if they haven't already) and ask them what they think about it. 

[Triple Zero]

Cram I so totally feel you!

Two days ago my friend called me, to confirm about hanging out on Sunday, except he was on his bike (which is completely accepted behaviour in the Netherlands) and after about 2 seconds in the phonecall, before he had said anything except "hi" he got cut off by a car or another bike or whatever I forgot and started ranting that he had right of way and explaining me the situation in traffic over there (whereever that was) in full detail and blahblah and indeed they should be shot with shotguns, against a wall.

And I was just finished running and therefore tired and therefore cut him short and asked him what was up.

And so he confirmed about handing out on Sunday and so we did and we watched Machete which is totally about shooting people with shotguns and cutting them up with machetes sometimes without any provocation whatsoever as long as it looks damn cool and we had a great time. Also, pizza.

And that's the story.

(PS it has no moral, but I'm with you)

[Doktor Howl]

I exhibit irrational hatred and rage over incredibly mundane things...Because it's the mundane things that piss me off.  The drab, day-to-day little stones they pile on your back, the people who make life more difficult an miserable just because they can.

Yeah, the lady at the DMV who lives to make people start over again, at the back of the line after 4 hours of waiting.  The cop who pulled my son over on a ridiculous pretext because there were 4 teenagers in a jeep on a Saturday night.  Yes, the bicyclists who WON'T use the fucking bike lane (the damn thing is 3.5' wide).  Also, the shitbag bluehair snowbird doing 55 in a 65, in the fast lane, as if it is his/her patriotic duty to see that we don't go too fast.  The entitled fat slob in the SUV with the handicapped plates, which he/she has for being morbidly obese, taking up the handicapped spot that should be more properly going to people who are actually crippled...The same asshole in the supermarket who rammed her mobility scooter into my leg because I arrived at the deli counter just before she did, damn near breaking my fucking ankle.

Yes, Cram, it's the little things, the small things that, by themselves, are very minor issues.  They pile up and pile up and then one day you're up a water tower screaming "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS!  YEAH, SEE!" like James Cagney on crack.  It's really only a matter of time, man.  They'll get us all in the end.

[trippinprincezz13]

I exhibit irrational hatred and rage over incredibly mundane things...Because it's the mundane things that piss me off.  The drab, day-to-day little stones they pile on your back, the people who make life more difficult an miserable just because they can.

Yeah, the lady at the DMV who lives to make people start over again, at the back of the line after 4 hours of waiting.  The cop who pulled my son over on a ridiculous pretext because there were 4 teenagers in a jeep on a Saturday night.  Yes, the bicyclists who WON'T use the fucking bike lane (the damn thing is 3.5' wide).  Also, the shitbag bluehair snowbird doing 55 in a 65, in the fast lane, as if it is his/her patriotic duty to see that we don't go too fast.  The entitled fat slob in the SUV with the handicapped plates, which he/she has for being morbidly obese, taking up the handicapped spot that should be more properly going to people who are actually crippled...The same asshole in the supermarket who rammed her mobility scooter into my leg because I arrived at the deli counter just before she did, damn near breaking my fucking ankle.

Yes, Cram, it's the little things, the small things that, by themselves, are very minor issues.  They pile up and pile up and then one day you're up a water tower screaming "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS!  YEAH, SEE!" like James Cagney on crack.  It's really only a matter of time, man.  They'll get us all in the end.

This, plus the bitch who flips me off because I beeped my horn after SHE ran a stop sign almost smashing my car with her SUV.

For better or for worse, I tend to be a people pleaser. I like to be happy and see everyone else happy and we're all happy. Yay! I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and be nice to everyone unless given reason not too. I WANT to see the good in humanity. Maybe that's why I take the ignorance, rudeness, laziness, selfishness, self-entitlement, bigotry of other people so personally. I am no saint, but I try to go by "I'm fine, you're fine" and even still try to go by "maybe they're just having a bad day too" when something pisses me off.  But it is EVERYWHERE, and much of it more than just a bad day. And I see these behaviors emerging in kids of these people and it disgusts me even more. It eats away to the point that I am amazed at the amount of contempt I feel for humanity at times.

My ire may not be directed to track teams and the like, but ranting and raving helps (granted, I tend to not do it in such a way that causes a seen or offends other uninvolved individuals). If I bottled up everything that made me angry, I would probably be a very angry person. I'm not going to sit and flip out if someone accidentally bumps into me and spills a drink on my shoe, but if bitching about the girl that almost changed lanes right into me because she was talking on the phone, helps me get over it and move on with my day, I will.

Granted, it can work the other way too.  I've been ready to strangle the next person that looked at me the wrong way and someone will do something so stupidly simple, but nice, that it cheers me up and gives me just a little bit of faith that not everyone is a self-centered, stupid asshole. Letting me go ahead in line because I have only one thing, while their basket is full, letting me set something heavy in their carriage while we wait, even just a polite gesture can mean something when it feels like those habits are fading fast.

When I'm running around trying to keep my head above water and still find some enjoyment out of life, it's not always easy to look at the big picture. It really is a lot of the little things that make a huge difference.

[Jasper]

Yeah but Howl, your rants actually have meaning.  They signify truths about the world we live in.

This guy's just having a rage-gasm over people in shorts.

[Doktor Howl]

Yeah but Howl, your rants actually have meaning.  They signify truths about the world we live in.

This guy's just having a rage-gasm over people in shorts.

You haven't seen me lose my shit in the welding shed.   

[P3nT4gR4m]

I'm with the good Dok on this one I'm afraid. Ranting is an art and must be practised at any available opportunity in order to prevent atrophy of the hate gland. I'll go off on one over the slightest little thing and the conclusion usually involves invading a large-ish country and lining every man woman and child up against a wall and blowing their brains out because that's where rants lead - it's the fucking rules, goddamnit! The key is do it with style, with humour, with an odd sense of detachment that kinda runs contrary to the veins popping out on your neck but above all you gotta do it.

[The Johnny]

Cram, i think your friend suffers from misdirected anger.

[Doktor Howl]

I'm with the good Dok on this one I'm afraid. Ranting is an art and must be practised at any available opportunity in order to prevent atrophy of the hate gland. I'll go off on one over the slightest little thing and the conclusion usually involves invading a large-ish country and lining every man woman and child up against a wall and blowing their brains out because that's where rants lead - it's the fucking rules, goddamnit! The key is do it with style, with humour, with an odd sense of detachment that kinda runs contrary to the veins popping out on your neck but above all you gotta do it.

Like the man said, "Shit your hate, or you will DIE!"

[Jasper]

Yeah but Howl, your rants actually have meaning.  They signify truths about the world we live in.

This guy's just having a rage-gasm over people in shorts.

You haven't seen me lose my shit in the welding shed.  

At least when your apoplectic towering rage is completely meaningless, it's fun to watch.