ITT I BLOW OFF STEAM ABOUT MY JOB

[Doktor Howl]

Also, I use the same password for EVERYTHING at work.

Dok,
DARE ME TO DRIVE?

[Adios]

"You are not authorized to view this page. Please contact Human Resources immediately."

[Eater of Clowns]

We have to rotate passwords every few months.  When we were on Windows Bronze Age Edition the criteria for passwords were pretty loose.  Then we upgraded (this year, mind you) to XP.  The new password requirements are:

Alphanumeric, 5+ characters
Cannot be any of the previous 5 passwords you've used
Must be at least 5 days old.

What the bloody fuck does that even mean?  Am I that computer illiterate?

[LMNO]

Sounds like you can't change it daily, you have a minimum of 5 day's use of that password.

I have no idea why, though.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

my ultimate goal is to set a policy that creates a fucked up password of definite length, and every time they change it, they have to replace each character in it with a key that conforms to a chess knight's move away from the original character on they keyboard.

[Doktor Howl]

my ultimate goal is to set a policy that creates a fucked up password of definite length, and every time they change it, they have to replace each character in it with a key that conforms to a chess knight's move away from the original character on they keyboard.

I think you're confirming more beliefs about IT people than I ever did about cops.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

my ultimate goal is to set a policy that creates a fucked up password of definite length, and every time they change it, they have to replace each character in it with a key that conforms to a chess knight's move away from the original character on they keyboard.

I think you're confirming more beliefs about IT people than I ever did about cops.

I'm only evil to the really terrible users. People who have no right to even get out of bed in the morning, much less come to work and smear idiot grease into the crevices between keys on their keyboard. Most users aren't that bad, but the bad ones are bad no matter what you do. It's like an arms race with these people, and it quickly degenerates into finding ways to shock them every time they press the S key.

[Adios]

\\ALLDRIVE>   @Query*.* > Tubgirl.com

[Cain]

I'm pretty sure my password is a tough one to crack.  Non-English word with numbers interspersed throughout.  Not impossible to figure out, theoretically, but I wasn't stupid enough to pick, say, the latin name for a corn snake (I have a pet one) and my sister's birthday, or anything idiotic like that.  So it'd take guesswork.  A LOT of guesswork.

I don't know why this isn't obvious to some people.  It's not about how easy it is for you to remember, it's how hard it is for other people to try and figure out.

[Doktor Howl]

my ultimate goal is to set a policy that creates a fucked up password of definite length, and every time they change it, they have to replace each character in it with a key that conforms to a chess knight's move away from the original character on they keyboard.

I think you're confirming more beliefs about IT people than I ever did about cops.

I'm only evil to the really terrible users. People who have no right to even get out of bed in the morning, much less come to work and smear idiot grease into the crevices between keys on their keyboard. Most users aren't that bad, but the bad ones are bad no matter what you do. It's like an arms race with these people, and it quickly degenerates into finding ways to shock them every time they press the S key.

I spent most of my time convincing people to never, ever trust the police.

And every morning at 6AM, I walked out of my front door wearing nothing but engineer boots and a scowl, and pissed off the cliff onto the rest of the town.

I really hated that place, and they hated me.

What a great job.

[Cramulus]

OMG I feel you -- as one of the only males in the office who is under 30, I am the go-to guy if you're having a computer problem and you're too embarrassed to go to our real IT people.

So I find myself explaining, in laborious detail, multiple times, how to attach a file to an e-mail. Or how to post on a forum.

"you type in this box and then you click the post button."

"And then what I typed appears in the thread?"

"Yes, and then tiny monks read it and scribe it onto the internet."

"So when I've got my message, what button do I press?"

"You press the post button."

"Do I have to save it?"

"pressing the post button is saving it."

"And then other people can see it?"

"Yes."

"What if I want to edit it later?"

"You click the edit button."

"Can people see me editing it?"

oh god please let this conversation end




wait all I had to do was stop typing it


I'M FREE!

ALSO, FUCK YOU DONNA, HOW DO YOU HAVE 20+ YEARS OF PUBLISHING EXPERIENCE BUT DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO EVEN BASIC THINGS WITH COMPUTERS?

[Adios]

"My computer won't turn."

me - Check the AC Interface

"How do I do that?"

me - ........

[Disco Pickle]

"my computer wont turn on"

"did you check to see if it's plugged into the wall?"

"no, hold on...    oh, that fixed it, thanks"

the real problem was between the seat and the keyboard the entire time.

god I hated IT work.

[Don Coyote]

 
I feel sorry for the communications guys in my unit. People always fucking shit up because they are stupid. And then me asking for them to do shit that I could do, but can't because I don't have the rights.
We have only one working color printer, shared between 2 buildings. It died while I was at school. I love people.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

USER: HAY I CAN'T SCAN TO MY PYOOTUR.

ME: Is the scanner turned on/plugged in/set to Setting X/etc?

USER: YA I CHECKED IT.

ME: Check it again, please.

USER: UMM... OKAY. .. .. .. .. YEAH ITS ALL SETUP AND STUFF, BUT ITS NOT WORKING.

Me: Okay, I'll drive 15 miles to your office and see what's going on.

<25 minutes later>

Me: Ok, let's see it. Oh, look.... THE POWER CORD ON THE BACK OF THE FUCKING SCANNER IS UNPLUGGED! OH GEE I WONDER WHY IT WON'T SCAN YOUR PAGES YOU FUCKING TITWANK?

This happens more than it should. Admittedly, this is the fun part of my job, when I get to do something incredibly simple to fix a computer problem, and then the person is obviously embarrassed and calls themselves names.

USER: OH GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SO DUMB! IT'S A GOOD THING YOU'RE HERE TO SAVE US FROM OURSELVES VEX! HAHAHAHHAHA I'M DUMB.

Me: It's okay, I don't mind coming over here, you're fun to flirt with.

USER: 'BLUSH' AWWW.


side note: this approach sometimes results in people inviting me to work on other types of boxes as well.